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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Lovely cock ring
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: clicky buttons and vibrating anal beads

June 18, 2015
REJOICE, because Fun Factory is retiring their G4 line of vibrators in favor of G5. The G5s, which come in classic designs...
Keep Reading
BlissMe vibrators: Mr. Cowboy, Mr. U.K., Mr. Right, Mr. Badboy, and Mr. C.E.O
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: BlissMe vibrators with… personalities

May 20, 2015
Whatever could be so offensive about vibrators that look this boring? FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — BlissMe founder Daniel Mederos says...
Keep Reading
Crave Duet Flex vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: crowdsourced vibration patterns and a heavy-duty Doxy

April 27, 2015
Crave is crowdfunding for their next two vibrators, the Flex and Duet Flex. Backers will have access to an online...
Keep Reading
RECHARGEABLE! MAGIC WAND!
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: uncut dildos and a rechargeable Hitachi

February 18, 2015
If it seems like it’s been 5,000 years since Jimmyjane released something new, it has. Now, they have graced us...
Keep Reading
Sex toy masturbation session note taking, with dirtied toys lying on top.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #18

February 11, 2015
April 2014 Sit down, friends. I would like to talk to you about incest. I’ve slyly alluded to it before, but this...
Keep Reading
The Girl Next Door (2004)
FeaturesGreatest HitsMovie Night

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

January 14, 2015
If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was as a teenager, look no further than the...
Keep Reading
LELO Ina/Mona Wave, Siri 2, Pino, and Transformer
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: worm-like vibrators and cheeseburger ball gags

January 6, 2015
Since we last spoke, LELO has gone a bit insane with the new releases. They’ve now put out the Ina/Mona...
Keep Reading
LELO Pino... a cock ring "exclusively for bankers"
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Pino

November 24, 2014
We need to talk about what’s happening with LELO. For about three years, they’ve mostly been releasing convoluted, overpriced, “innovative” pieces...
Keep Reading
Tenga Iroha Minamo
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: squishy vibes and crowdfunded weirdness

November 3, 2014
Let’s start with the stuff I’m actually psyched about, eh? Fun Factory has edited their Share double-ended dildo so that...
Keep Reading
kGoal kegel trainer exerciser sex toy being squeezed, next to its corresponding phone app.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: kGoal

July 21, 2014
Everyone pause and bask in this moment. I have found a sex toy crowdfunding campaign that isn’t shitty. It’s a squeezable silicone...
Keep Reading
Orgasmatronics Ambrosia Vibe
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: kegel ball butt plugs and ornate dildos

June 25, 2014
I have to restrain myself from getting too excited about this, but Fun Factory is releasing a butt plug that...
Keep Reading
Screenshot from the now-defunct Teddy Love crowdfunding video, of a woman touching a teddy bear's nose.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Teddy Love

June 19, 2014
This is not cute. This is not adorable. This is not acceptable. A teddy bear with a vibrating muzzle? Really? This...
Keep Reading
Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble glass dildo
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: uncircumcised packers and questionable marketing choices

April 14, 2014
Vibratex has released a series of rechargeable mini vibes called The Girls. Princessa looks just freakish enough for me to...
Keep Reading
Microphone in front of a computer, with some pretty red lighting in the back.
AnnouncementsFeaturesInterviews

All the names I dropped on Sex Out Loud radio

April 4, 2014
It occurred to me, 30 minutes after my interview with Tristan Taormino for Sex Out Loud Radio aired today (and...
Keep Reading
A bunch of dirtied sex toys lying on a paper towel (on which I've scribbled notes).
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #17

March 28, 2014
May 17th, 2013 The boyfriend went to the convenience store for beer, and Survivor was downloading at a snails’ pace, so...
Keep Reading
The peeps behind SheVibe
FeaturesInterviews

5 reasons why SheVibe rocks (and you should shop there)

March 11, 2014
It’s no secret that SheVibe is my favorite online sex shop. Launched in 2006, they are perhaps best known for...
Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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