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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

    Review: Caress

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

rumbly as fuck

Sex toys that have deep, resonant vibrations, as opposed to surface-level buzzy vibrations. Rumbly vibrations are less likely to numb, and therefore more stimulating.

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Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

November 15, 2020
Sometimes companies surprise you. When Dame hit the scene with their zealously-crowdfunded initial effort, the “hands-free” labia-clinging Eva, I pegged... Keep Reading
BMS Factory Pillow Talk Sassy rechargeable G-spot vibrator lying on some soft grey fur.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Sassy

November 6, 2019
I have some big news I’ve been dying to share. No, no, I’m not pregnant. Not getting married. Moving? Uh,... Keep Reading
Je Joue Rabbit Bullet and G-Spot Bullet vibrators on a table next to a large golden fish sculpture.
Hi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Je Joue Bullets (Rabbit + G-Spot)

December 10, 2018
The Je Joue Bullets are not lookers, not at all. There’s a sense of utilitarianism about these vibrators — the... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Volta

November 5, 2018
I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of... Keep Reading
BMS Factory Swan Curve vibrator leaning against the Swan Wand, with Mini Swan Wand in foreground, in a kiddie pool.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Swan Wand, Mini Swan Wand + Swan Curve

June 15, 2018
When I hear the word “swan,” I think of a few things. Grace. Elegance. The color white. Bjork. Overwrought symbols... Keep Reading
SenseMax SenseVibe rechargeable dual vibrator next to a burnt yellow fuzzy scarf.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: SenseVibe

January 31, 2018
The SenseVibe, much to my dismay, is not a fortune-telling sex toy. It can’t give you the weather forecast or... Keep Reading
Two Fleshlights (with vulvas) side by side, with a vibe on each clit.
Guides

Buzzy vs. rumbly vibrators: SEE & DISCERN the difference!

January 13, 2018
“Buzzy” and “rumbly” are words you’re bound to encounter if you spend any time in sex toy circles. These words,... Keep Reading
Doxy Don and Doxy Die Cast on a desk. The Nuzzle Tip attachment is on the Doxy Die Cast's head.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

July 20, 2016
Put it on my clit. Now. That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don,... Keep Reading
LELO Siri 2 vibrator on top of a bunch of sun-bleached rocks.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Siri 2

May 21, 2016
FINALLY. Fucking finally. I’ve been waiting years for LELO to upgrade their humble little clit vibe, Siri. While they were... Keep Reading
Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuides

Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

May 10, 2016
Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept... Keep Reading
L'Amourose Rosa and Rosa Rouge vibrators in a windowsill.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rosa and Rosa Rouge

September 19, 2015
It’s not often that a new sex toy company comes out of the woodwork with a product that immediately garners critical acclaim... Keep Reading
Minna Limon rechargeable vibrator chillin' in a snow bank.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Limon

January 20, 2015
I have now formed a conditioned response whenever I hover over a link and see the URL indiegogo.com. It’s a... Keep Reading
We-Vibe Tango Glow (pink) and Dusk (gray-blue) Pleasure Mate Collection
Anal ToysGreatest HitsHi, I love youKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection (Dusk and Glow)

December 20, 2014
I’m in love. Its name is the We-Vibe Dusk, and I’m using it all wrong. This toy is supposed to be a... Keep Reading
The LELO Mona 2 rechargeable vibrator in three colors: purple, red, and cerise (pink), lying on a cream-colored knit fabric.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsVibrators

I got back-ups of my favorite vibrator and life is perfect

May 12, 2014
I don’t know if you’ve heard: I love my LELO Mona 2. So much that I yell things like “THE MONA IS... Keep Reading
We-Vibe Tango rechargeable bullet vibrator in a wooden bowl full of seashells.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Tango

January 21, 2014
Dude, man, guys, shit, dawg. Everyone loves the We-Vibe Tango. I’m totally late to the party. Then again, I was... Keep Reading
Eroscillator Top Deluxe and Eroscillator 2 Plus next to each other on the floor.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

May 7, 2013
For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator “the best sex toy I’ve ever tried,” people have been asking me... Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

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