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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Anyway How’s Your Sex Life?

Tracking my sexual triumphs and tribulations, genital response and tastes. Musings, mostly, with a few pivotal sex toy reviews thrown in.

For details on specific masturbation experiences, flip through my Jack-off Journal.

Random
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
3D-printed clitoris organ, showing the entire external and internal structure, on a galaxy backdrop.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuidesSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The clitoris: still the center of my universe

February 13, 2018
Hi, my name’s Epiphora, and I almost always need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. I thought this was common...
Keep Reading
Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuidesMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

December 4, 2012
A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn,...
Keep Reading
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

His fingers, the tip of my pinkie

January 24, 2009
We set up the Liberator Ramp and Wedge on the bed, then draped the Throw over it. It was a...
Keep Reading
September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

January 10, 2015
So I was interviewed for a piece about female ejaculation/squirting for Fusion recently. The article finally went live, and lo and behold,...
Keep Reading
Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Friends who have sex with each other

July 12, 2014
Kynan greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites,...
Keep Reading
Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

August 23, 2019
The morning of my IUD insertion began with me desperately driving across town to retrieve a sex toy. I didn’t...
Keep Reading
Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuides

Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

May 10, 2016
Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept...
Keep Reading
Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

It’s official; I’m a squirter

December 24, 2008
Last night, I squirted for the third time in my life. It was ridiculously easy to get there, knowing exactly...
Keep Reading
The simplehuman Sensor Pump on my nightstand, squirting lube onto my Pure Wand.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

June 10, 2016
Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions...
Keep Reading
A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

June 9, 2023
It was a 30th birthday party unlike any other.  The invitation read: Luxurious cuddles, siren’s songs, stroking, finger feeding, dancing,...
Keep Reading
NobEssence Linger, Eroscillator Soft Finger attachment, Fun Factory Bootie
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

A clitoral revolution is brewing

September 3, 2009
The other night, it took me a grand total of three toys to get off. I had to take a...
Keep Reading
Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?April Fool's!BanterBlogger LyfeFeaturesJack-off JournalSex Toy ReviewsShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

April 1, 2022
Today I’m releasing exclusive tapes from last month’s masturbatory adventures. These are my intimate audio notes from out in the...
Keep Reading
Vixen Creations Randy dildo in the chocolate color, chilling with some moss on my patio.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Review: Randy

January 9, 2010
Randy Field Diary, Day #1 — Arrival My vagina is not ready for the brown beast they classify as “Randy.”...
Keep Reading
Ophoria Beyond 3 dildo on a wooden floor.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Beyond 3

April 2, 2010
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very...
Keep Reading
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

March 16, 2022
The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist...
Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

July 26, 2010
You have come here wondering if the njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound...
Keep Reading
1 2

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Cards in a sex game called "Foreplay"

How not to design a sex game

Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.

Review: Volta

A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

Revel Body sonic vibrator... plus jump drive and "competitor model."

Review: Revel Body

Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

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