Reviews

The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews!

Review: Stronic G

Review: Stronic G

Four years ago, my G-spot was forever changed by a revolutionary sex toy called the Stronic Eins. Not really a dildo and definitely not a vibrator, the Eins features an internal weight that facilitates a back-and-forth thrusting movement. This “pulsator” felt unlike anything I’d ever tried, wiggling against my G-spot so enthusiastically, and quickly became one of my favorite insertables. Fun Factory’s Stronic line proved that innovation is still possible in the sex toy industry — true innovation, not gimmicky and spurious “innovation” with air quotes. So a few weeks ago when an email popped up with the subject line CONFIDENTIAL: Secret Preview of New Stronic?, it set my heart fluttering. I was in the middle of writing a different email, but I immediately . . . read more

Anatomy of a negative sex toy review (or: the Mimic)

Anatomy of a negative sex toy review (or: the Mimic)

You’re mid-masturbation and you’ve forgotten what it’s like for orgasm to feel achievable. You’re doing everything right, theoretically: the vibrator’s cranked up to its highest intensity, held faithfully against the favored side of your clit. You’re watching queer porn. Your vulva is well-lubricated. The cats are at bay. There is no reason this should be unpleasant. Except that the vibrator you’re using is absolute shit. Does it even qualify as a vibrator, really? These “vibrations” are pathetic and so, so buzzy. It’d be laughable if it wasn’t so sad. Actually, the emotion you feel is irritation — and it’s tainting everything. You become inordinately annoyed at the porn for daring to jump between sex and interviews; you need all the eroticism you can . . . read more

Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

Whip out your genitals and prepare to get huge, y’all, because we’re doing something different today. It’s a video review! Featuring more than just me! And it’s about CLIT PUMPS! Pumps are designed to suction onto your genitals, creating a vacuum to increase blood flow and facilitate enlargement (temporarily, unless you’re really diligent). For this review, I recruited my friend Sid, who wrote a guest review of the Bro Sleeve on here a while back. I’m cisgender and he’s trans, so I wanted to discuss our different reasons for being interested in clit pumps and what we each thought after trying one for a while. The pump we tried was the Size Matters pump, provided to us by She Bop and Early . . . read more

Review: Fun Cups

Review: Fun Cups

My fanaticism for menstrual cups borders on religious. I’ve been using them almost exclusively for about 4 years now, and the honeymoon, um, period, has yet to wear off. I honestly can’t think of many other products that have improved my quality of life in the same way — I’d say menstrual cups are easily the best non-dildo thing to ever inhabit my vagina. I’ve amassed a small collection. To those unfamiliar, a menstrual cup is a bell-shaped receptacle worn vaginally, against the cervix, to collect period blood. Most are crafted from resilient, body-safe silicone, making them a more eco- and wallet-friendly alternative to pads and tampons. Although sex toy companies peddle stuff that goes in bodily orifices, and many of them . . . read more

Review: Wonder 'O' Wand

Review: Wonder 'O' Wand

Say you’re in a sex toy megastore along the highway. You’re on a road trip, making a pit stop to get lunch — maybe chicken nuggets? — and decide to venture inside the local sex shop while you’re at it. After aimlessly taste-testing the flavored lubes, you find yourself in the wand section, fondling the myriad options. You’ve heard such good things about the Magic Wand Rechargeable, but what’s this? Several other very similar contenders? What’s a person to do? The Wonder ‘O’ Wand (with unnecessary apostrophes because of course we must coyly hint at the word “orgasm”) is exclusive to Castle Megastore, and aesthetically, it’s a near carbon copy of the Magic Wand Rechargeable. They’re the same size and . . . read more

Review: Wish

Review: Wish

There’s a common piece of sex advice, an old sex educator adage usually aimed at people wanting to please vulvas: “consistency is key, especially when someone is nearing orgasm. If your partner implores you not to stop, DEAR GOD DO NOT CHANGE WHAT YOU’RE DOING. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.” You never want your partner to be that guy. But the We-Vibe Wish is that guy. The Wish is the guy who thinks this advice doesn’t apply to him, because he has this one technique that the ladies go wild for, that gives them screaming orgasms 100% of the time, and you just don’t know how good it could be unless he bestows his gifts upon you. You like two fingers . . . read more

Review: Charged Positive and Vooom

Review: Charged Positive and Vooom

Screaming O is not a high-end sex toy company, or at least they didn’t used to be. They’re more known for inexpensive cock rings, cheapo finger vibes, toys shaped like lipstick and mascara, the pussy snorkel, and the deeply unfortunate OBOB Battery-Operated Boyfriend — a vibrator that literally resembles a cartoon person with a winking emoticon face and crossed arms (more like Battery-Operated Mansplainer, am I right?). All of this is to say, I’ve never willingly tried any Screaming O products until now. But they’ve also never made rechargeable toys until now. The times they are a-changin’, and now even pussy snorkel peddlers are dabbling in luxury toy-making. Wonderful. These vibrators are the Positive and Vooom, from Screaming O’s new Charged . . . read more

Why I don't like strapless strap-on dildos

Why I don't like strapless strap-on dildos

Feeldoe More, Realdoe Stout, ShareVibe, Tango. I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness, I have well-loved strap-on dildos, and I am comfortable combining those things and fucking someone silly. I’ve never felt like strap-on sex wasn’t “intimate” enough, or like I needed extra genital stimulation in order to enjoy it. For me, the pleasure comes from wielding a cock, achieving ideal positioning and thrusting, and watching myself plunge into the depths of an orifice. (I love labia, all labia, labia forever — so I will take literally any chance to ogle them.) Strapless strap-on dildos attempt to eliminate the harness aspect altogether. These double-ended toys have a bulb . . . read more

Review: Carter

Review: Carter

I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter. Movement or not. No matter the external vibe. Whatever my mood. If clitoral stimulation makes me come while the Carter is inside me, I gush. I’ll be just hanging out, about to have a completely ordinary orgasm or so it seems, when I feel the pressure building, urging me to slide the dildo out. Sure enough: an expulsion of fluid follows. It hardly ever feels like I’ve earned it, yet it happens, consistently as the sun rising and setting each day. Sneak-attack squirting. And oh, with movement? With actual thrusting? Then I’m ejaculating even more, soaking through the towel on my desk chair. Carter is a meaty dude. . . . read more

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