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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a zig-zag-patterned rainbow crocheted blanket.

    Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

    njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.

    My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

    BMS Factory Pillow Talk Sassy rechargeable G-spot vibrator lying on some soft grey fur.

    Review: Sassy

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Je Joue Rabbit Bullet and G-Spot Bullet vibrators on a table next to a large golden fish sculpture.

    Review: Je Joue Bullets (Rabbit + G-Spot)

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

    Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.

    My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Sex Toy Reviews

The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

All
  • Air Flow, Thrusters & Movement
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Random
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Featured reviews

Some of favorite toys, and me gushing over them (pun intended).

Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a zig-zag-patterned rainbow crocheted blanket.

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

LELO Siri 2 vibrator on top of a bunch of sun-bleached rocks.

Review: Siri 2

Review: Luna Beads

The Vibratex Magic Wand Plus corded vibrator dangling in front of a green plant.

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Plus

Crystal Delights Star Delight close-up of the beautiful glacier blue aqua Swarovski crystal in the end.

Review: Star Delight

New York Toy Collective Carter silicone dildo on a nightstand, next to a golden lamp base and a floral tea cup.

Review: Carter

Vixen Creations Outlaw realistic silicone dildo

Review: Outlaw

Tantus Cush O2 on a wooden table.

Review: Cush O2

The LELO Mona 2 rechargeable vibrator in three colors: purple, red, and cerise (pink), lying on a cream-colored knit fabric.

Review: Mona 2

Review: Mustang

Je Joue Rabbit Bullet and G-Spot Bullet vibrators on a table next to a large golden fish sculpture.

Review: Je Joue Bullets (Rabbit + G-Spot)

Review: Décor Wedge

Vixen Creations Buck dildo with a bunch of bananas. Accordingly, the dildo has a Chiquita sticker on it that says NATURAL NUTRITION.

Review: Buck

Tantus Magma, Tantus Splash, Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish, and Uberrime Jellyfish 2.0 lying on colorful striped canvas.

Review: Jellyfish 2.0 + Magma

Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.

Review: Fascinator Shag Throw

Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.

Review: Maverick

Zumio X rechargeable clitoral vibrator, on a colorful striped blanket.

Review: Zumio X

njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.

My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Uberrime Helios Sun God and Splendid silicone dildos standing on a table, casting a reflection.

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

Oh hai, I AM ORANGE. The Tantus Ryder on a wooden floor.

Review: Ryder

Bottles of Sliquid lined up: Sliquid Sea, Organics Gel, and Sassy.

My favorite lube? Sliquid anything

Hitachi Magic Wand Original and its box, on a hardwood floor.

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original

njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.

Review: Pure Plugs

Review: Décor Fascinator Throw

Crystal Delights Crystal Twist swirly glass dildo on my porch.

Review: Crystal Twist

The shoe method of using a Fleshlight, tucked into the end.

Review: Fleshlight

Review: Zumio E

Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness as modeled by the lovely Penny and Bex.

Review: Joque harness

Doxy Don and Doxy Die Cast on a desk. The Nuzzle Tip attachment is on the Doxy Die Cast's head.

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Vixen Creations Randy dildo in the chocolate color, chilling with some moss on my patio.

Review: Randy

BMS Factory Pillow Talk Sassy rechargeable G-spot vibrator lying on some soft grey fur.

Review: Sassy

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

see all my favorites
Jimmyjane Form 5 and Hello Touch X vibrators (plus masking tape labels) next to some fall leaves.
BDSMGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Form 5 + Hello Touch X

October 5, 2015
Why does Jimmyjane still exist? That’s mean. I know. I should delete...
Keep Reading
Ophoria Beyond 3 dildo on a wooden floor.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Beyond 3

April 2, 2010
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees...
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DVD cover of Rough Sex 3: Adrianna's Dangerous Mind, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Rough Sex 3

October 19, 2011
This may be the right time to admit that I don’t find...
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It's exactly what you'd expect. A DVD in the mail in a sleeve.
BanterDirty VideosPornSex Toy Reviews

The Netflix of porn

October 10, 2011
I’m finally at a point where I can shell out the cash...
Keep Reading
Positioning etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Décor Wedge

March 29, 2012
It’s hard to describe Liberator shapes to people. The word “shape” doesn’t...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Gyrating Massager

October 20, 2008
When I saw this vibrator in its package for the first time,...
Keep Reading
Tantus Cush O2 on a wooden table.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Cush O2

July 16, 2012
One night, as I was preparing to jack off, I decided I...
Keep Reading
njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.
Anal ToysGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Pure Plugs

September 26, 2012
I could’ve written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever...
Keep Reading
Vintage vibrators: the Polar Cub Electric Vibrator (top), Oster Massagett, and Vanguard Vibro-Massager.
April Fool's!Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Vintage vibrators

April 1, 2019
The inventor of the first electrical vibrator, doctor Joseph Mortimer Granville, called...
Keep Reading
Uberrime Helios Sun God and Splendid silicone dildos standing on a table, casting a reflection.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

November 18, 2018
When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex...
Keep Reading
Jimmyjane Form 3 rechargeable vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Form 3

November 15, 2010
Bless Jimmyjane’s little hearts; they really are trying. They’re trying so hard...
Keep Reading
California Exotics Turbo Glider
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Turbo Glider

March 28, 2008
I stumbled upon the Turbo Glider whilst on the hunt for an...
Keep Reading
Split Dildo chillin' next to my coffee and mug warmer.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Split Dildo

March 21, 2011
The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at...
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Maven masturbation sleeve

November 8, 2008
My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected...
Keep Reading
Fleshlight Vibro sleeve out of its case, showing the bullet vibrators nestled into pockets of the sleeve.
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Fleshlight Vibro

June 18, 2013
I can’t get this website out of my head when I think...
Keep Reading
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementDildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: OhMyG

June 16, 2020
It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 … 24

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

Fun Toys G-Vibe, a purple dildo with a split shape, creepin' on the neighbors through the blinds.

Review: G-Vibe

We-Vibe Tango Glow (pink) and Dusk (gray-blue) Pleasure Mate Collection

Review: We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection (Dusk and Glow)

Pipedream Ceramix No. 4 ceramic dildo

Review: Ceramix No. 4

Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

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