Mar 272017
 
Why I don't like strapless strap-on dildos

Feeldoe More, Realdoe StoutShareVibe, Tango.

I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness, I have well-loved strap-on dildos, and I am comfortable combining those things and fucking someone silly. I’ve never felt like strap-on sex wasn’t “intimate” enough, or like I needed extra genital stimulation in order to enjoy it. For me, the pleasure comes from wielding a cock, achieving ideal positioning and thrusting, and watching myself plunge into the depths of an orifice. (I love labia, all labia, labia forever — so I will take literally any chance to ogle them.)

Strapless strap-on dildos attempt to eliminate the harness aspect altogether. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 152017
 
So, about that We-Vibe lawsuit...

It’s all over the news right now that We-Vibe is settling a lawsuit over their app-enabled vibrators, and naturally, everyone wants to know my opinion. (Thank you, by the way, for thinking of me whenever sex toys are in the news.) According to the plaintiffs, We-Vibe was collecting app usage data without their knowledge. One headline reads, alarmingly, We-Vibe vibrator creator to pay damages after spying on user sex lives.

Obviously, privacy and consent are important, but so is context. So, what kind of data was collected and how was it used? When the issue was brought to We-Vibe’s attention in September, they explained:

We do collect certain limited data to help us improve our products and for diagnostic purposes. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 102017
 
Sex toy news: masturbation polish & the rechargeable craze

WE-VIBE HAS A NEW TOY OUT AND I’M SCREAMING ABOUT IT. It’s a squishy, oversized bugger called Wish that’s packed with rumbly power. It’s not without flaws, but that’s all I’ll say for now.

New flavors of Sliquid lubes are here! I have yet to get my tongue on them, but damn if they don’t sound delicious: Tangerine Peach and Blackberry Fig.

Satisfyer, commonly known as “that company ripping off Womanizer,” has 5,000 different models of their suction toy these days. Incredibly, they sent all of them to me. My clit has some work to do.

Tickler, whose forgettable battery-operated vibes I reviewed years ago, has a new line of rechargeable toys: Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy. [. . . read the rest]

Feb 252017
 
Review: Carter

I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter.

Movement or not. No matter the external vibe. Whatever my mood. If clitoral stimulation makes me come while the Carter is inside me, I gush. I’ll be just hanging out, about to have a completely ordinary orgasm or so it seems, when I feel the pressure building, urging me to slide the dildo out. Sure enough: an expulsion of fluid follows. It hardly ever feels like I’ve earned it, yet it happens, consistently as the sun rising and setting each day. Sneak-attack squirting.

And oh, with movement? [. . . read the rest]

Feb 192017
 
Poll: Which toys should I try?

It’s been a while since I sat down and scouted out new sex toys to review. Usually I grab items as they’re released, like the new We-Vibe Wish that just came in the mail. But as my list of “to review” items dwindles, I decided it would be a good idea to get more stuff — so I can start testing it all!

Thus far I’ve narrowed it down to these 20 products. But half the fun of reviewing is fulfilling your desires, so I would like you to vote on your top choices. Some of these are toys I already own, some I’d need to acquire, and at least one may be near-impossible to get, but like… RUMBLE SEAT, GUYS. [. . . read the rest]

Feb 122017
 
Step inside my sex toy closet

This is the stuff dreams are made of — my dreams at least. This, friends, is my majestic sex toy closet. The culmination of years of collecting, organizing, and fantasizing. It is here where I store my gigantic sex toy collection, which is rapidly nearing 600.

How did I get here? Well, shockingly, one does not amass enough sex toys to fill a walk-in closet overnight. In fact, nine years ago, my sex toy collection lived in a single cardboard box under my desk. As I began reviewing more, the toys graduated to a purple zippered storage case, and later to a herd of similar cases. [. . . read the rest]

Jan 282017
 
Review: Mystic Wand Rechargeable

It’s a let-down, but not in the “my clit is screaming” way. Not in the “orgasm seems like an impassable river” way, or even in the “these vibrations feel like death” way. But in the manageably sad way, like your car stereo breaking right before a big road trip. Not apocalyptic, but less than ideal. I expected to love this vibrator, but you know what happens when your hopes are high: they get dashed.

The Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable weakens under the weight of comparison. It cannot outshine its competitors or its predecessor. Its shape bears similarities to other sex toys that surpass it; its name sets up promises it cannot keep. [. . . read the rest]

Jan 162017
 
A trans woman's orgasm savior: the (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

The legendary Hitachi Magic Wand, with its robust vibrations and large head, is known as an effective vibrator for all sorts of genital configurations. The release of a rechargeable version was met with much (deserved) fanfare, which only bolstered my desire for more people to experience this fantastic toy. So I reached out to Zinnia Jones, trans activist, writer, sex toy user, and creator of Gender Analysis, to see if she wanted to try it. Zinnia was already a fan of the original Magic Wand, so SheVibe graciously sent her the Magic Wand Rechargeable[. . . read the rest]

Dec 312016
 
Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2016

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older lists!]

2016 has been a trying, infuriating, exhausting year, and it seems trivial to jump straight to sex toys without acknowledging that. But this is also a year in which we’ve needed to learn how to remain resolute amidst unbelievable pain. To laugh at the absurdity of our world. And if you want absurdity, oh, look no further than my life.

This was my ninth year reviewing sex toys for all the internet to see. This year, among other things, I perverted a soap dispenser into a lube dispenser, let other people control my vibrator over the internet, and played vaginal Chubby Bunny with tiny silicone dildos. [. . . read the rest]