Dec 102018
 
Review: Je Joue Bullets (Rabbit + G-Spot)

Feeling lost in a sea of dildos? Get directions here.

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The Je Joue Bullets are not lookers, not at all. There’s a sense of utilitarianism about these vibrators — the buttons are basic raised bits, each charging port is covered by a silicone flap. Nothing’s shiny or bedazzled. The color is Je Joue’s signature sad purple, the saddest and stalest of the purples. [. . . read the rest]

Dec 062018
 
Giveaway: win a bike tube harness!

Have you seen how beautiful the harnesses by Oxyd Creations are? Well if you haven’t, you’re in for a treat because I’M GIVING ONE AWAY! These 100% vegan harnesses are handmade in Canada from recycled bike tubes. They’re sturdy and sexy and lined with soft felt, with sizing options to accommodate any body size. I’m giving away the harness of your choice from Oxyd Creations, with or without bike gears!

HOW TO ENTER:

Open to everyone, including international peeps! [. . . read the rest]

Dec 042018
 
When will we stop fearing sex?

[From Crash Pad, one of the best sites on the internet for feminist porn,
censored to protect Tumblr’s delicate sensibilities.]

As I write this, sipping a chestnut praline latte at my local Starbucks, I know I’m living on borrowed time.

Last week, Starbucks caved to pressure from an anti-porn organization and announced that starting in 2019, they will be blocking “pornography and illegal content” on their wifi networks. This, of course, means the salacious and utterly disgraceful sex toy review blog you are currently reading will likely become inaccessible.

Then yesterday, Tumblr hammered the final nail in the coffin of their increasingly-aggressive crusade against adult content, stating that such content will no longer be allowed on the platform. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 212018
 
Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. I’m here to help you get the best Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals on sex toys! If you’ve been waiting to buy something I raved about, now is probably the time. Discounts like these don’t happen on such a grand scale at any other time of the year. The best part? You can stay in your pajamas!

If you’ve been waiting for a good price on the sex toy of your dreams, now is the time to get it. I watch sales and deals all year long, but this is when retailers tend to pull out all the stops. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 182018
 
Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded by years of masturbatory ordeals, my vag was wowed by the smoothness of glass, the heft of stainless steel, the beauty of wood, the silkiness of silicone. Then I experienced luscious dual-density silicone, a true turning point. I quickly crowned it my favorite soft material and proceeded to stuff myself silly with dildos made out of it.

That was 8 years ago, that glorious time of squishy exploration, so now I tend to take such materials for granted. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 172018
 
Dildo carnival giveaway winners

It’s time to shut the dildo carnival down, folks. We’ve eaten a lot of corn dogs, played a bunch of games, and indulged in various carnival attractions, and now I get to hand out all the sex toy prizes. Of which there are MANY!

Below, I’ve listed the winners of the mini giveaway attractions, followed by the rest of the giveaway winners. All giveaway winners have been contacted.

If you didn’t win something, don’t despair: Black Friday is next week, and as usual I’ll be publishing a post featuring all the best sex toy sales. Sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop, or keep an eye on my Twitter. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 132018
 
Review: Sona Cruise

You could almost hear the collective groan from the entire sex toy industry when LELO announced the Sona. After an insufferable year and a half of HEX HEX HI HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT OUR HEX, this is what they released. This is the cool new thing. And as per LELO protocol, boy do they want you to think it’s special and revolutionary and entirely their own idea, not at all influenced by the bevy of air flow clit stimulators that have flooded the market in recent years.

LELO calls the Sona a “sonic massager,” claiming that the toy uses “sonic waves and pulses” rather than vibration. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 052018
 
Review: Volta

I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of planes… but I don’t pine for that rush of adrenaline. I’m more of a homebody, thriving most on routine and safety. My idea of an exciting time? Masturbating with a bizarre new sex toy to determine, once and for all, how its weird shape feels against my genitals.

I first saw the Fun Factory Volta in a brief, fleeting Instagram video my friend sent me to ridicule. “It looks like a vibrating duck beak,” they said. “It scares me.” I showed the link to my girlfriend, who promptly typed back, “why does everyone want to slap the clit!”

But I was not scared. [. . . read the rest]

Oct 032018
 
Dildo carnival: a HUGE sex toy giveaway!

Pretty lights; sweet, crispy deep-fried dough; the rush of adrenaline as you narrowly escape with your life — there’s just something magical about carnivals. So, to celebrate 11 years of sex toy blogging, I decided to throw a DILDO CARNIVAL! Where instead of winning a lousy stuffed animal you didn’t really want anyway, you can win a fancy sex toy of your choice.

[All graphics by the amazing Aerie.]

In this carnival, I’m giving away the best sex toys on earth — as judged by my discerning genitals. I’ve got everything from vibrators to dildos to butt stuff to penis toys to harnesses to gender products, plus gift cards for the indecisive and a porn membership for the pervs! [. . . read the rest]

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