Ahoy! Have you heard about my newsletter, Epiphora’s Snark Digest, featuring exclusive content? Gurl, it is the best thing! In it, I recount my latest reviews and posts, plus I inform you about all the goings-on in the sex toy industry and share emails from my “morons” label in Gmail. I even have giveaways for newsletter subscribers only!
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May 2017 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #23
This edition’s reviews include the Screaming O Charged Positive and Vooom and a 2,400-word tome about why I dislike strapless strap-on dildos. I published a new Jack-Off Journal, offered my opinion on the We-Vibe lawsuit, and interviewed my mom about my queerness. Plus, I played an April Fool’s prank, wrote about how I did it, and announced my upcoming sex blogging class!
Under sex toy news, I mull over We-Vibe’s new cock rings and butt plug, a new uncut dildo from New York Toy Collective, the Womanizer 2GO, Fun Factory’s Bootie Ring and Battery+ line, the Fleshlight Launch, a pint-sized Doxy, a forgettable wand, and more!
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I’m approached, inexplicably, by two different people whose industries are definitely NOT sex toys…
March 2017 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #22
I reviewed the girthy New York Toy Collective Carter, disappointing Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable, awkward Dame Eva, and excellent We-Vibe Rave for this edition, plus a guest reviewer extolled the virtues of the Magic Wand Rechargeable. I also took you on a tour of my sex toy closet and rounded up the very best and worst sex toys of 2016.
Rechargeable toys are all the rage lately, with companies such as Tickler, Screaming O, and Rocks Off releasing rechargeable models. WE-VIBE ALSO HAS A NEW TOY OUT AND I’M SCREAMING ABOUT IT. Plus, new flavors of Sliquid lubes, 5,000 different models of Satisfyer suction toys, and some atrocious lubes/sprays from Sir Richard’s and Jimmyjane.
BOY DO I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU in my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section. It’s the most elaborate ruse for sending dick pics EVER.
November 2016 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #21
In this edition, I reviewed the Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion, L’Amourose Prism V, Doxy Die Cast, and Doxy Don. I also reminded everyone about my huge annual giveaway, got deep about my name, posted a fun Q&A video, gushed about a special sex toy manicure I got, and answered some questions in Ask Piph #9.
Latest sex toy news: A BLOWJOB DILDO, an adjustable We-Vibe, swirly unicorn tail butt plugs, one of the first masturbation sleeves specifically designed for trans guys, a paddle/dildo hybrid from Fun Factory, and more!
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I showcase a guy whose idea for a sex toy review blog is so revolutionary it’s gonna put all of us out of business.
July 2016 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #20
My most recent sex toy reviews were for My Celebrator, my automatic lube dispenser, the LELO Siri 2, Bubble Love, Hole Punch Toys, and Tiny Dildos. I also published Jack-Off Journal #20 and a rundown of why rumbly vibrations are better than buzzy ones.
What’s new in sex toys? Shiny super-powered bullets from Doxy, a rimming butt plug, Jimmyjane’s line of battery-operated vibrators, New York Toy Collective’s new STP, PicoBong’s jolly-looking Remoji line, and several cool things from Fun Factory. The elephant in the room: LELO’s new Hex condom and its spokesperson Charlie Sheen — easily the worst decision in the company’s history.
I couldn’t choose just one stupid email I’ve received recently, so this time you get THREE.
March 2016 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #19
This edition’s reviews include the Fun Factory Boosty, Downunder Toys, Womanizer W100, and Fun Factory Bouncer. I also posted Ask Piph #8 and yammered on about color-changing produce-shaped sex toys, my online sex blogging class, and the best and worst sex toys of 2015.
Under sex toy news, Vixen has released an inflatable dildo called the VixenAire Mustang, there’s a new squirting dildo called Pop, A SQWEEL FOR YOUR DICK EXISTS, Fun Factory released Lady Bi and Moody, the new Tenga Iroha+ vibes Tori, Kushi, and Yoru look wonderfully squishy, I’m excited about new stuff from We-Vibe (Rave and Nova), and more!
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I pass up the opportunity to become a millionaire selling $249 ebooks.
November 2015 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #18
My most recent sex toy reviews were the Jimmyjane Form 5 and Hello Touch X, L’Amourose Rosa and Rosa Rouge, Minna kGoal, and Marc Dorcel Geisha Plug and Fun Factory B Balls. I saved glass dildos from destruction with my thighs in Jack-off Journal #19, found a vibrator that will rejuvenate your pitiful vulva for only $850, and wrote about a memorable sex blogger trip.
What’s new in sex toys? Fun Factory has a whole host of new stuff, Spareparts Hardwear now have a boxer briefs harness, Jimmyjane thinks they’re going to make a remote-controlled underwear vibe, LELO just remembered that prostates exist, and much more!
The stupidest email I’ve received recently is from a guy scared that I might discriminate against him. And not in a way that actually matters.
June 2015 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #17
My most recent sex toy reviews were the Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable and Joyful Pleasures glass dildos. I also took time out of my busy schedule to lay the smackdown on vibrators with shitty male stereotype personalities. Plus, I’m published!
Latest sex toy news: Fun Factory’s G5 vibes will have satisfying buttons, Astroglide thinks they can make a sperm-friendly lube now, Tantus released vibrating anal beads and uncut dildos (!), and companies continue to crowdfund their “revolutionary” sex toy ideas.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I’m given the unique opportunity to ask a Real Doctor anything I want about sexual health. Oh golly gee!
April 2015 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #16
This edition’s reviews were the Bro Sleeve, Diva Cup, Vibratex Princessa, and Afterglow. I also wrapped up my April Fool’s Day joke, answered questions about orgasm quality, offered tips for people leaving Blogger, and got deep about what being a “real writer” means to me.
Latest sex toy news: Crave is crowdfunding for their next two vibrators, We-Vibe released a new collection, Fun Factory came out with a set of limited edition toys. Tantus’ excellent Super Soft C Ring now comes in a vibrating version, and more!
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, somehow I resist the urge to piss away my money by purchasing a slot on a giant LED screen at the Cannes Film Festival.
February 2015 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #15
My reviews for this edition included the Ceramix No. 4, LELO Mona Wave, Minna Limon, and Jopen Ceres Lace. I also published my 18th Jack-off Journal, talked about why I love MissX, wrote about one of my favorite teen sex comedies, and yelled about how squirting is not pee.
Under sex toy news, I discuss two new things from Jimmyjane (the Hello Touch X and Form 5), the Fun Factory Bouncer, some cool uncut dildos, a rechargeable version of the Hitachi Magic Wand, a Fleshlight warmer, and Pipedream’s redonkulous iSex line.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, a person wants to grab coffee and chat with me. It is not innocent.
January 2015 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #14
My reviews for this edition included the We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection, LELO Ora 2, OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls, Crystal Delights Ash Girl, and LELO Hula Beads. I also finished my list of the best and worst sex toys of 2014, ragged on the LELO Pino, and wrote about 15 things I learned buying a house as a sex blogger.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, prepare to be terrified by an email in which the sender listed his entire home address and asked me to send sex toys there. Then I looked up the address on Google Maps…
November 2014 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #13
My reviews for this edition included the Lovehoney Sqweel Go, the OhMiBod Lovelife line, the G-Vibe, and musings about the potential of the Minna kGoal. I also promoted my 6-year blogiversary giveaway, my rant against shitty “news” articles about the G-spot, deep thoughts about buying a house, and a recollection of visiting my wonderful girlfriend.
Under sex toy news, I am a bit giddy about Fun Factory’s new ShareVibe, less so about Tenga’s insertable Iroha vibes, and not at all about crowdfunded mistakes such as the Glov, Joyboxx, Eva, and Lovable Undies. Meanwhile, the We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection looks pretty rad and LELO’s Smart Bead looks dumb.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I regale you with THREE weirdos, two of them wanting to provide “content” for my blog, one creepily wanting a photo of my vag-to-clit measurement.
June 2014 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #12
This edition’s reviews include the BS Atelier Wild Stripes, Fun Factory Stronic Zwei and Drei, Tenga Iroha line, Fucking Sculptures G-Spoon, and Jopen Comet II Wand. I also posted about a horrible crowdfunded vibrating teddy bear, how I got back-ups of my favorite vibrator, and a reader wrote in with a squirting combo for the history books.
Under sex toy news, I ponder Fun Factory’s kegel-ball-inspired anal plug, B Balls, a strap-on dildo that vibrates when touched, Eros & Isis’ sculpture-like dildos, coconut oil that will get your vulva high, and more.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I come up against a most ridiculous “partnering opportunity.”
April 2014 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #11
This edition’s reviews include the LELO Gigi 2, Magic Banana, Unique Condom, and We-Vibe Tango. Plus my 17th Jack-off Journal and Ask Piph #6: Pure Wand edition. I also posted about my latest giveaway for a neon green dildo, my appearance on Sex Out Loud Radio, my newest “mainstream” sponsors, 5 reasons SheVibe rocks, all the fun stuff I’d be doing at CatalystCon East, and a fond farewell to Whipspider Rubberworks.
Under sex toy news, I talk about Vibratex’s new The Girls series, Nomi Tang’s latest dual vibe, the new Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble, a toy that wafts bubbles over your clitoris, New York Toy Collective’s awesome new packers, color-dripped toys, “pleasure cups” from Zolo, and LELO’s ridiculous 20-karat Luna Beads.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I air some epic hate mail which includes the sentence “I think you hate sex.”
January 2014 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #10
This edition’s reviews include the Revel Body, Shiri Zinn Cupcake, LELO Smart Wands, and iGino One. I also posted about getting a Sybian from a stranger on the internet, what a day in my life is like, what sex bloggers do when they get together, and of course, my best and worst toys of 2013.
Under sex toy news, I guffaw about LELO’s SaSi-esque new toy called Ora, Fun Factory’s cupid-inspired (and stupid-inspired) Amorino, OhMiBod’s technologically-advanced blueMotion, dildos shaped like rabbis and genies, and more.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, some dude wants me to try his sexual fitness exercises. I should trust him, because he once met a “Kung Fu master of a Chinese yoga lineage.”
December 2013 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #9
This edition’s reviews include the Wake-Up Vibe, Jopen Vanity VR1, and Hitachi Magic Wand Original. I also wrote a sex toy gift-giving guide, tried to summarize my experience at CatalystCon, alerted everyone to the discontinuation of neon dildos, made fun of a “masturbating glove,” and celebrated my birthday.
Under sex toy news, I discuss crowdfunded wooden dildos, Tenga’s silly Iroha Mini, Joanna Angel’s epic vulva Fleshlight, the pipsqueak that is the Sqweel Go, a vibrator that shoots water at your clitoris, and more.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I have the good fortune of encountering a man who is re-selling a bastardized version of a California Exotic cock ring.
October 2013 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #8
This edition’s posts include reviews of the LELO Ida, Lovehoney Flash, and Topco U Touch Side, along with a guest review of the NobEssence Seduction. I also wrote about just why I hate pink so much, whether online reviewers can be sued for defamation, my prep for CatalystCon West, and my subsequent panel at CatalystCon West.
Under sex toy news, I discuss the We-Vibe 4, LELO’s new Hula Beads, Tenga’s Vi-Bo line, Crystal Delights’ new pony butt plugs, Tantus’ Amsterdam, and how Topco is partnering with fucking Farrah Abraham for a sex toy line.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I stand mouth agape at the Moodsign, a product for people who literally cannot talk to each other about sex.
July 2013 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #7
This edition’s posts include reviews of the Vixen Buck and Fleshlight Vibro, a list of the terrible sex toys I used to think I wanted, a guide for folks leaving EF, a guide for folks being forced off Blogger, me as a superhero, an announcement about CatalystCon West, and a celebration post for my 500th entry.
Under sex toy news, I report on the latest news coming out of ANME: harnesses and sci-fi toys from Tantus, ceramic and aluminum toys from Pipedream, the latest additions to Jopen’s Lust and Key lines, kegel balls called the Trainer Toyfriends, and OhMiBod’s Lovelife line.
In my “stupidest email(s) I received lately” section, I relay the jumbled message of a German sex toy inventor who is calling his product the “ClitWafer.”
June 2013 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #6
This edition’s posts include reviews of the Fun Factory Stronic Eins and Vibratex Tulip, a reader experience with the Jopen Key Comet G Wand, a comparison of the Eroscillator 2 Plus and Top Deluxe, a look at new sex toy regulatory organization Dildology, Ask Piph #5, Jack-off Journal #16, and my yearly April Fool’s day joke.
Under sex toy news, I mull over Minna’s latest thing, magnetic kegel balls, the Fun Factory Drei, Semilino, and Dolly Bi, two shower head products, a new German company named Ovo, Vixen’s new anal beads, and more.
In my “stupidest email(s) I got this month” section, I get freaked out by a guy who suddenly went off the motherfucking rails with a misanthropic rant, then complained that I didn’t reply to it.
March 2013 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #5
This edition’s posts include Vice Merchants erotic sheets, The Feminist Porn Book, the G-Spot Lollipop J-Pop, the Jopen Key Comet Wand, and the Mia 2 and Adore Me Pleasure Set. Other posts: the amazing things that happened at CatalystCon, my epic beginner’s guide to sex toy reviewing and blogging, and a question, what should we call sex toys?
In my “stupidest email(s) I got this month” section, I quote a dude who wants to buy up my website and present a bulletpoint list of the puzzling emails I get on a regular basis (web comics! krill oil! male enhancement products! tattoo equipment!).
January 2013 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #4
This month’s reviews include the Lovehoney Mini Magic Wand, LELO Luna Beads Mini, and Fleshlight Flight. Other posts: a giveaway, a post about CatalystCon, a new and gorgeous glass toy company, Ask Piph #4, and my best and worst sex toys of 2012.
In my “stupidest email(s) I got this month” section, I laugh about a potential advertiser who wanted me to change every single affiliate link on my site, and a person peddling aphrodisiac lollipops.
December 2012 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #3
This month’s reviews include Sliquid lubes, Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Pegging, and the Tantus Splash. Other posts: Jack-off Journal #15, a post about the new colored Crystal Twists, the story of how I came to love penetrative toys, an update to my post on EdenFantasys, and a link to an article mentioning me on Slate.
In my “stupidest email(s) I got this month” section, there’s an angry copyright infringer and someone trying to peddle a deodorizing and tightening stick for my vagina. Just another day.
November 2012 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #2
This month’s reviews include the LELO Mona 2, WolfHudsonIsBad.com, Sqweel 2, and Leoweenie. Other posts: a look at a “thrusting” toy, despair over reviewing hardships, a friend’s endorsement of the Jollet dildo, and musings on sex toy reviewer office decor.
In my “stupidest email(s) I got this month” section, I expose you to vaginal perfume and some people wanting to send me lip balm.
October 2012 — Epiphora’s Snark Digest #1
This month’s reviews include the James Deen dildos, Minna Ola, njoy Pure plugs, and Penetralia Number 23. Other posts: making fun of a horrific bug-like toy, my yearly blogiversary giveaway, Ask Piph #3, and the 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft.
In my “stupidest email(s) I got this month” section, I show off an email for a horrifying product that actually STICKS to your body, and an email from an ambitious high school graduate.