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The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?
Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo
Sex blogger field notes: audio journal
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X
Guides
Guides
Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator
Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys
Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018
How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)
Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide
Banter
Banter
Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective
Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday
Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?
Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo
Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking
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Bedside table set-up before jacking off at #dildoholiday.

Features Jack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #20

June 2, 2016

October 24, 2015 My secret shame: I am terrible at remembering to pack lube when I travel. And porn. On...

Latest posts

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

The LELO Ella, a white dildo with a flat tip, lying on a dark blue sheet. It is slightly wet.

Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation

Dame Products Eva "hands-free" "couples" wearable vibrator standing up like a creepy bug.

Review: Dame Eva

Fun Toys G-Vibe, a purple dildo with a split shape, creepin' on the neighbors through the blinds.

Review: G-Vibe

Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.

Review: Rumble Seat

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