Review: My Mini Miracle Massager

My Mini Miracle Massager

It seems that making miniature Hitachi knock-offs is in style. I’ve already found my mini Hitachi knock-off lover — the Fairy Mini Mini Wand — but I’m interested in other reincarnations. And the My Mini Miracle Massager, created by California Exotic, is one of the newest. Although all the Ms in its name make me twitchy, I wanted to try it.

The Mini Miracle is very petite, at 8″ long and 1.2″ in diameter. It comes with a 6 foot long cord (can be unplugged) that connects to a very chunky and unnecessarily heavy-duty 12 volt AC adapter. The handle is made of textured plastic, and the head is made of sticky PVC. The head, as with many similar toys, is spring-mounted — so it bends to your will. There is a slider on the handle for switching between the toy’s two speeds.

It’s a good thing I give toys second and third chances, because the Mini Miracle needed them. When I turned the thing on for the first time and attempted to use it, I laughed in disappointment. It wasn’t strong at all — just kind-of rumbly — and there was little difference between the low and high vibration levels. What a flop, I thought.

I was all ready to tell you that I don’t see the point in attaching myself to a wall for the same amount of power I can get from 2 AAs. Hilariously, there’s a version of the Mini Miracle that is cordless and takes 2 AAs, and it’s priced at a very reasonable $13. This was going to make for an ironic twist, since the Mini Miracle costs $32.

But then I tried it a few more times, and I was quite a bit less butthurt about the power. Why? Well, it seems the Mini Miracle became more powerful over a few uses. Which doesn’t make any fucking sense, but I’m pretty sure that’s what happened. Now it has decent power — nothing too crazy, but nothing weak either — and there is a more noticeable difference between the two vibration levels. It’s not a bad vibrator, all things considered.

But it’s not amazing, either. The curved handle is meant, I guess, to be ergonomic… but it just feels awkward, and it points the cord toward me a little too much. Also, it sometimes shorts out. Like, for a second it’ll revert to low rumble mode again, then quickly switch back to actual vibrations. It irks me.

Of course, my opinion of the Mini Miracle is colored strongly by my love for my Fairy Mini Mini. The Fairy is not only stronger than the Mini Miracle, but it’s even smaller, and it has a variable dial for changing vibration strength. The Mini Miracle can definitely get the job done, but I require a bit more innovation and strength out of my mini Hitachi knock-offs. Sorry, Mini Miracle.