Nov 082010

The Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope is just what you always wanted: a pipe cleaner for your genitals. It is a long turd of beautiful blue jelly with a flexible internal spine.

According to ’70s couple on the box, I guess you’re supposed to tie the rope around a dude’s dick, then stick the jelly tail up his ass? Wait, no, wait, that’s too gay. The correct usage of the Ecstasy Rope is displayed on the side of the box — OH GOD:

Yes, that glorious jelly rod is supposed to rub poke the chick’s ass back (?) while she rides the dude. Like a creepy ERECT snake. Hold me.

But at least it’s dual use! After the sex, you can use it to unclog your drain.

  • I literally gasped out loud when I saw the picture of that toy. Oh. NO.

  • After the sex, you can hang yourself with it.

    Since it’s jelly, it would probably break. But you could hope for the phthalates to kill you slowly.

    It’s SO 70s.

  • Oh shit. That is rather terrifying. *snicker* What the hell were they thinking?

  • Crystalline


  • Vega

    I can’t even figure out how you’d use something like that.

  • Epiphora is laugh out loud funny and that sucks when you have a cold.

  • Corina

    Sometimes I wonder about the design process when it comes to sex toys. Who thought this was a good idea? It looks like a spinal cord ripped from a blue gelatinous monster.

  • Jane Blow

    You need soda spew alerts, it nearly came out of my nose. I mean, I knew it was going to be wicked… but… LOL, good job!

  • Wilhelmina


  • Selective Sensualist

    Oh. God.

    I wouldn’t even want to be the fly on the wall during whichever brainstorming session produced this . . . um . . . thing.

  • Bri

    Yay! The site is back up! That rope is horrifying and those pictures totally skeev me out. Um, no thank you.

  • Insane Hussein

    OMGWTFBBQ?!?! ELEVENTY!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!

    That is all.

  • This must be what becomes of real sex toys after a “to the pain” duel. See it wallowing in freakish misery forever (or until it disintegrates because it’s jelly).

  • Your last line almost killed me! And then Corina’s comment finished me off. I’m dead now. Dead from laugh.

  • Oh my GOD! I love your humor! Although now I am intrigued and almost want to buy one to see just what blue jelly would feel like wrapped around my dick…

  • We are the Borg. Resistance is futile.

    🙂 This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in a long while. I might have to make up some bogus award just for this.

  • I have to add that, scary enough I saw something that looked eerily close to this today:

  • FD

    Looks like a jelly elephant trunk/cockring combo. I’m scurd.

  • Starsinthesky

    I am probably going to develop PTSD after seeing that box. That is going to haunt my dreams.

  • My stomach hurts from laughing so hard at your review. Did someone send you this product after they found it hidden away in the back of their warehouse? Guess they didn’t like your last review or something.

  • @Corina: Check out the new Fleshlight Avatar version. (No I don’t sell it)I have the same comment you do (minus the spinal cord) on this product as I do for the Fleshlight. And how do they know what an aliens pussy looks like anyways? Unless it came from the same alien this Ecstasy Rope came from.

  • For people with pipecleaner fetishes?

  • Robin McClanahan

    This is the best comment. I heart you.

  • Mad Amrita

    hahahhahaha lmfao gawd

  • Tmcaurinus

    Laughing. So. Goddamn. HARD.

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