Apr 232016
 

Tiny dildo mock-up photos, before dusting my shelf, obviously

Time to come clean: my review of the tiny dildos was an April Fool’s joke. I think most of you knew that, except maybe that one whiny dude in the comments section:

Oh, Marcus. Oh, you.

(Always and forever, these are my favorite types of comments to get on my April Fool’s jokes.)

First I have to credit my mom, who helped me come up with the concept. Way back in January, I got snowed in at my parents’ house, which obviously meant naked mother/daughter hot tubbing. Somehow we hit upon the topic of tiny dildos, and I realized “reviewing” them would make a perfect April Fool’s Day joke. She heartily endorsed it, and moments after toweling off, I was writing down ideas.

But I also want to set the record straight about something: I did, in fact, do all the things I wrote about in my review, including inserting the tiny dildos one by one into my vagina (on two occasions, for some godforsaken reason). I definitely did not enjoy it, but I did it anyway because… and here’s the funny/sad thing…  it never occurred to me that I could just not actually use the toys.

I was legitimately surprised when the post went up and folks seemed to think I’d made up my experiences. Perplexed, I called my boyfriend into my office and told him about the reaction. Faking it would have felt “disingenuous,” I told him.

“Well, I’m glad you’re so worried about your integrity!” he replied, and I laughed for hours.

Without experiencing it firsthand, though, how would I conjure such similes as “like being fucked by a wee pile of firewood”? The answer is, I wouldn’t. I’m just not that clever. I need to experience things to have any handle on writing about them.

Tiny dildo mock-up photos

These are my mock-up photos, because of course I took mock-up photos to make sure my visions were going according to plan. I didn’t like how the photo with the water fountain looked, so I scrapped it. But tiny dildos do make excellent replacements for rocks.

There are 342 days until April 1, 2017. Somehow, that seems like barely enough time.

Want your own tiny dildos? You can still get a free pack of Vamp weenies
with orders over $75 at SheVibe. Just use code WEENIE.

  • I was wondering how you came up with so many good similes! Your dedication is unparalleled.

  • ShriektheMighty

    I have thought about doing this, just for the amusement factor, but my teenies are always covered in cat hair, and I am too lazy to wash them all off.

  • I was on the fence whether you actually used the tinies but just because it was such a crazy idea that it fit.