[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.] February 11, 2015 META JACK-OFF JOURNAL. After spending all day finishing Jack-off Journal #18, I gave it to Aerie to read in the other room and thrust myself into my office for two quick orgasms with the Hitachi, which I desperately needed after a day of nonchalantly skipping through porn files and editing screenshots. February 28, 2015 Please, god, let this be the last time my vagina experiences the Afterglow and its laser light “technology.” Let this rabbit-infested masturbation nightmare end. Determined to definitively disprove the veracity of the “PulseWave O” program (an 8-minute “journey designed to enhance arousal and help you achieve better and more frequent orgasms”), I endured it . . . read more
Crave is a high-end sex toy company specializing in USB rechargeable vibrators that are manufactured in America (including the Vesper, which doubles as a necklace). They also peddle a few overpriced BDSM-lite type items.
Crave is crowdfunding for their next two vibrators, the Flex and Duet Flex. Backers will have access to an online application for creating their own vibration patterns, which they can then download onto their devices. We-Vibe released a new collection, featuring a pearl white Tango and an Epiphora-blue We-Vibe 4. Proof that life is not fair. I can’t handle this set of limited edition toys from Fun Factory, called Funtastics. I am easily swayed by the phrase “limited edition” but I know that Fun Factory’s bullet is so damn buzzy and I would regret it. BUT LOOK AT THEM. GOD. The powerful-as-fuck Doxy Wand will soon come in a DIE CAST version! [Edit: I reviewed it!] Tantus’ excellent Super Soft C Ring now . . . read more
Tenga is breaking out of the masturbation sleeve box they’ve created for themselves, and are now making rechargeable vibrators. I am intrigued by these specimens. Crave, makers of the Duet, have two new vibes: Solo and Wink. Solo is a simpler version of the Duet. Wink looks like a tube of chapstick. Crystal Delights will be producing the trophies for this year’s Feminist Porn Awards! They will be Magnetic Bunny Tail Plugs. Tantus released a line of 100% silicone paddles with adorable names such as Thwack. I made the mistake of hitting my arm with one. Can anybody decipher this Korean thing called Airbee? Apparently it has a pressure sensor for kegels and Bluetooth is involved? This happened quickly: Fun Factory has announced . . . read more
[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me to recount my most loved and most hated sex toys that I tried this year. As in 2011 and 2010, I’ll first list the best/worst toys, then give out faux awards such as “Most Heinous Battery Compartment” and “I Risked My Life For You; You Are Welcome.” Don’t forget to comment with which toys you loved and hated this year! Best sex toys of 2012 Crystal Delights Crystal Twist — I thought I’d felt it all, especially when it came to glass dildos. I had not. The Crystal Twist is an . . . read more
I can now say that I own a vibrator engraved with my name. Or, I should say, engraved with the epic sequence of words Exclusively for Epiphora. I didn’t choose that phrase — my brain is nowhere near that swanky — but I like it. And they spelled my name right, which is more than I can say for people who still think I’m “Euphoria.” Unfortunately, I now worry about what this vibrator, exclusively for me and permanently marked to prove it, would do if I tried to give it away. Stage its own personal electromagnetic pulse in revolt? Commit suicide by jumping out the window and into the street? I have to think about these things, because I do not see myself . . . read more