Melissa “The Face” Monet

Jack-off Journal #14

Jack-off Journal #14

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.] January 21st, 2012 After a nap with weird dreams, I got up at 10 p.m. and drank a Rockstar. Like you do. I did some work, then jacked off to Belladonna’s Buttface. With a name like that, I guess I should’ve expected a moment like this: Some people wait a liiiifetime for a moooment like thiiiiis… Meanwhile, I laughed at the PicoBong Kiki and compared the Pure Wand and Fun Wand vagina-to-vagina. Same vagina; I only have one. February 1st, 2012 Gathered a gaggle of folks (Scarlett, Navigator, Amie Wee, and The Bedroom Blogger) in a chatroom to watch Melissa “The Face” Monet have sex with James “The . . . read more

The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star

The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star

[Edit, 11/29/15: Not a stand up guy at all, it turns out. Fuck James Deen.] BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I’ve just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite male porn star of all time, is very dangerous. He is a serious threat to our girlchildren. He is lurking in the shadows of the internet, infiltrating their Tumblr dashboards with his bedroom eyes. HE MUST BE STOPPED. Or, at the very least, awkwardly questioned on TV about his lasciviousness! “Porn Industry Attracting Teens?” is the headline for this segment of Nightline, because of course it is. ABC News clearly yoinked this story from an article in Good Magazine, but when re-told in alarmist video form, it gets . . . read more

Jack-off Journal #13

Jack-off Journal #13

February 3rd, 2011 Tonight I found one of my favorite male pornstars, Danny Wylde, on cam. When he saw my name in the chatroom, he said, “holy shit, is this the Epiphora?” and I just about died. He said he was a fanboy of me (?!). Holy crap, camming is exhilarating and nerve-wracking. I felt like a paranoid mom, checking to make sure my webcam wasn’t automatically turning on. I want Danny to see me in my hottest form, not with disheveled hair and in my pajamas drinking a Rockstar. Shit. When he left the session taunting us that he was going to go jack off in a corner, I knew what I had to do: I retrieved my Rough Sex DVD . . . read more

Jack-off Journal #5

Jack-off Journal #5

February 9th, 2010 Dear diary, today I learned that masturbation while drunk is really fucking annoying. I spent most of the night in a chatroom with Britni and Carnivalesq, shooting the breeze about Lady Gaga, American Idol, and the mind-blowing pick-up line that Britni got on a dating website: “I want to lay on top of you and pretend that I am flying.” I was drinking peppermint schnapps, but still fantasizing about my new green dildo. So at one point I dropped out of the conversation, turned on PopPorn: The Guide to Making Fuck, and did what can only be described as a sad attempt to get myself off. I started out with the Eroscillator, but uncharacteristically went up to . . . read more

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