Apr 012011
 

[This review is an April Fool’s joke; please, never buy this abomination of a toy!]

WARNING!

Adult content ahead!!!!!!

if u are offended by sex products do not scroll down!

This is a review of a Marital Aid.

do u understand?

ok

(LOL it took me 4ever to figure out how to add pictures!)

n-e-wayz…

I thought me and my hubby could use something special to spice things up as lately we’ve been not too sexy. well ever since the 8 babies, i’ve been REALLY not in the mood and hubby is always trying to get me between the sheets. on top of that i’m self conseous too so we always turn the lights out during our sexcapades. hehe. I think it’s more romantic that way! like our wedding night !

anyway i thought this little toy (lol) was sooo cute when i got it in the mail (and yes i gave a wink to the postman haha don’t tell my man) i mean what girl doesn’t love dolphins??? i just love the silicone-feeling jelly and the baby pink color is my favorite ever!

so after some wine and a lot of flirting (lol I’m so bad), I got hubby to try it!!! he’s so wonderful!! KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HIM LADIES HE’S MINE!

Hubby says I looked super hot when he used this toy on me. it took him a bit to find my love button but once he got there WOW I was seeing stars!!! he even went south and to my backdoor, it was soo naughty. the best part was when he had the idea of using my red cherry dingaling on me at the same time. it was dark so i dont blame him for putting it in the wrong hole, lol.

after he finished and rolled over I even used the toy on myself without him knowing it! omg i felt sooo naughty and I hope he doesn’t find out!

like i said this thing is magical! it’s a matter of seconds, and I get to my happy place if you know what i mean ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s also great for teasing the nipples! it’s a great multiuse toy for beginners and advanced. ladies, I know your man might be intimidated at first but just reassure him that his manhood is unreplaceable. make him some chocolate strawberries or steak dinner or something hahaha.

Until next time LADIES!!! check back next week for a $5 gift card giveaway from Eden’s Fantasies!!!!!

  • Dear. God. Save. Me.

  • pnknailpolish

    lol april fools

  • Nicky

    Eeek, this makes my head hurt…

  • I think my brain just MELTED. Eek!

  • LucyLemonade

    I love the animated gifs and the neon green!

  • LMAO – love it

    Hope you’ll keep a screean shot of this saved somewhere in the archives, the neon leopard print makes it

  • Jesper

    Haha!!! Godallamightywhatthefuck!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

    If this is what happens when you go on hollyday… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Awesome! Definitely a keeper theme. – So going to copy!

  • This… is… AWESOME!!!1!!1!eleven!

    I wish someone else had brung this magic device to our attension sooner *lol*

    I am soooo getting one for Annabelle to surprise her with in the dark when she least expects it. It will be hilarious and then she will love it!

    Anyway, thanks and keep up the good work!

    – Arthur

    (The last line was genuine thanks ;))

  • the bedroom blogger

    Jesus-fuck…I love you.

    And shitty midi music.

    And fucking dolphins.

  • DelilahDefining

    I thought my phone was displaying HMTL incorrectly… then I swapped to the laptop and got autoplay music!

    I love you so much right now… but I also hate you with the passion of a thousand suns!

  • Vega

    NEVERENDING TEARS

  • Kate

    Jesus, Ep, this is amaaaaaazing! Well played!

  • Navigator

    Glad to know you’ve been doing well since last year, April-‘piph. ๐Ÿ˜€

  • WildOrchid

    I’m in love! Leave your hubby and let’s elope together!

    BTW the design looks like something I did in Junior High for extra credit. If I wasn’t an atheist I would thank God for evolving tastes!

  • Liz

    OH LORD THE EMBEDDED MUSIC

    (i used to love this song when i was in elementary school, bahahaha.)

    happy april fools’ day! xD

  • I’m pretty sure my computer is scarred for life…the dreadful midi music make Firefox threaten to dump the page.

    This was awesome. ๐Ÿ™‚ And by awesome I mean it brings back awkward memories of MySpace.

  • Tuesday

    This is priceless. There are tears rolling down my face from laughing.

  • Garnet Joyce

    Oh god! This is even funnier than last year since I now have to read blogs like this on a daily basis. It’s a little too true to life. Now, all you need is to make it snow across the screen. Also, your grammar and sentence structure is still a little too good. You need to dumb it down a bit.

  • I died laughing at the part about it being a review of a “martial aid.”

  • OMG i cant wait 4 teh gift card!!! im gonna be realy naughty and get a thong lol it’s hubby’s anniversery suprise! hope u pick me but i never win stuff ๐Ÿ™

  • Holy fucking batteries… you crashed my browser with this one. Which is beyond hilarious. My now-recovering-yet-forever-traumatized browser refuses to load the midi, so at least it saved me from that part of this insanity.

    Also, 8 babies? That in and of itself is fucking terrifying. *shudders* ๐Ÿ˜›

  • Ellie

    This is seriously hilarious.
    Also, that dolphin truly creeps me out. D:

  • I adore you. I really do.

    And how I miss 1997. Oh wait. I really don’t.

  • Insane Hussein

    Dolphins have porpoises. Just ask Flipper! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    (Nice one, BTW)

  • *howls* Oh gods. I was worried for a moment that you’d gone off the deep end with this before I remembered the date.

    Well played. *grin*

  • Sarah Marlatt

    Happy April Fools to you took, Epiphora! Have a great one!

  • Lolmerrill

    *gag* ….”love button”. *barfing*
    Happy April!

  • Jess Manifesto

    Sweet Christ. It scares me that so many websites are legitimately like this!

  • Bwahahahahaha! xD

  • Best. Review. Ever!

    Now please make it stop, my eyes are starting to bleed ๐Ÿ™

  • aag

    As a mommy who is also a blogger I am REALLY OFFENDED by your sarcastic tone. Not feeling sexy after you’re eight baby is no laughing matter.

    AND, Comic Sans is only used for things that are *lite* and humerus. Not for mean things.

    Didn’t you know that?

  • OMG, I super want to win the gift card to EF. You know how much they love me in the community there!

    Make it stop, please.

  • PrettyPowerTools

    lol! you sound like you couldn’t be happier! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • radd678

    The glitter graphic at the bottom is what did it for me… And the “keep your hands off him ladies” lol

    This sounds like it was written by one of the best gosh darn walmart employees in the bible belt!!!

    Puke.
    I’m gonna watch some public disgrace and heal my poor eyeholes….

  • Wow. Just wow. I think I love you now.

  • You. Are. Fucken. Hilarious. And goddamn spot on – bravo darling!

  • So this comment is two weeks late. Sue me.

    I felt you should know that I read this in my hotel room at mcon and did actually fall off the bed. It was the perfect ending to a really surreal day. “I just met Carol Queen and Piph has lost her ever lovin mind…”

  • Little_xsecret

    God, I love you! your April fools jokes are perfect