Some people dream of owning several cars or having a swimming pool. I dream of having a sex toy lair.
When I say “sex toy lair,” you are probably picturing a sick dungeon, but that’s not what I mean. I mean a clean, comfortable office space delightfully adorned with dildo wall hangings, a sex toy charging station, and other so-called salacious items.
It’s weird, because my interest in decor usually consists of watching Design Star and going “huh, that looks cool… and like too much work.” But sex toys are my obsession, so I guess that is why this sounds fun to me.
BUT THEN SheVibe sent me a poster of some of their epic art1 and my wheels started spinning. I’ve always dreamed of having a real office, and imagining how I’d write it off on my taxes decorate it has made the thought even more enticing.
While scouring Etsy for ideas, I came across this amazing lube painting from the shop Sassy Girls Say Yes. Knowing it was one-of-a-kind, I just couldn’t wait until I had an actual office. And I’m glad I didn’t wait because it is GLORIOUS.
My desk will be adorned with sex things too, for sure. I’d love to have some fists like Searah does, but I’ve heard they stink. I also need some sort of mug or holder for my pens. Anyone have a lead on an ironic Pipedream mug?
Basically my goal will be to horrify anyone who enters, but horrify them in such a way that they would feel awkward expressing just how horrified they feel — because that would mean articulating a culturally-conditioned, unexamined shame about sex. Oh yes, it will be good. What do you think, peeps? Am I bursting with enough ideas? Anything I missed?
The tube for which doubles as a great cat-chasing implement, according to a 2-year-old who somehow found it while snooping in my apartment