I can’t get this website out of my head when I think about the Fleshlight Vibro. Granted, who hasn’t taken the “Sex Toy or Baby Toy?” quiz (I got 11/15, by the way), and what isn’t amazing about the page on dollar store sex toys? But I should not be thinking of DIY sex toys when looking at a $77, profesh sex toy. Yet I am. Because the Fleshlight Vibro is basically a nice masturbation sleeve cobbled together with shitty, cheap, annoying little bullet vibrators. This enables it to vibrate, yes, but is the effort worth it? My penis-wielding counterpart says no. Not quite. The Fleshlight Vibro comes in two orifice choices — Lady (vulva) and Butt. Both are made of pink Superskin. . . . read more

It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the inner canal is just how he likes it — soft and smooth as a baby’s butt. I should delete that. I really should. But I just can’t bear to do it. Don’t come at me, FBI. Even with its inner texture and my boyfriend’s peculiar penile preferences, though, the Fleshlight Flight has jumped to the #2 spot on his list. Which is still composed entirely of Fleshlights, because he is a ~discerning gentleman~. The Flight, in its case, is 2″ shorter than a regular Fleshlight, 35% lighter at 14.4 ounces, and .75″ smaller in diameter at the front. It is arguably one . . . read more

These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean… heh, heh… Even though my boyfriend wasn’t a huge fan of his Sex in a Can series Fleshlight — the Succu Dry — I’m still giggling like a schoolgirl over this new, gay-oriented Sex in a Can series, Jack’s Soda. It’s just so bright and playful! And campy; I mean, fruit sodas… for gay men. The “flavors” are Cherry Pop, Banana Cream, and Gape Soda. Oh yes, they went there. And the semen splatters seem oddly at home among the fruits… I think I’m in love with this series because it reminds me of silly childhood things, like smelly markers, xylophones, and Lisa Frank. That’s right . . . read more

Ever since the line of Sex in a Can Fleshlights came out, I’ve wanted to snag one for my boyfriend. I figured, since he loves his original Fleshlight, he’d clearly love a shrunken version. With teeth. And pale skin. And a fang-like texture on the inside. Yeah, I know. I was asking for it. The Succu Dry is shaped like an energy drink, but it certainly won’t pass for one — it’s bigger and, uh, has an intense vampire woman on the front. It says “1 pint” on it, but if it were actually a drink, it would be more like 20 or 22 ounces. It’s smaller than regular Fleshlights, of course, but due to the label, it’s far more . . . read more

My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight. After all, he loves his first Fleshlight, and it doesn’t even have a texture on the inside. I presented the Tera Patrick Fleshlight to him (err, gave it to him for Christmas…) because I thought he’d like the inner Twista texture. The outside? Well, he barely cares that it’s vulva-shaped, and doesn’t care at all that it’s a pornstar’s vulva. A few things have changed since last September, when he first fell in love with the Fleshlight. The main one is that he rarely, if at all, uses the “shoe method” now. I was appalled to learn this, especially since . . . read more

My boyfriend is probably the only dude on the planet who, upon hearing the question “do you want a Fleshlight?”, responded with a shrug. But it’s not the Fleshlight’s fault he felt this way; based on past experiences, he was convinced no masturbation sleeve would ever wow him. But let me put it this way: now my boyfriend and I know why the Fleshlight has its own forum. I was expecting the Fleshlight to come in painfully heterosexual packaging, but it actually just comes in a plastic bag.1 Never fear, though, the Care and Usage brochure is incredibly heterosexual, with ladies in lingerie bending over and holding vagina Fleshlights everywhere (there is a lonesome dude on the back in a . . . read more