Jun 242009
 

Don Wands Treeze WaveI used to hold to the unfounded belief that making any material vibrate would be an accomplishment. Trying the Don Wands Treeze Wave wooden vibrator, however, solidified my newly-established conviction that some materials just don’t need to vibrate — and wood is one of them.

Don Wands would like you to believe that this vibrator is made entirely of wood (hence “Treeze”…), but the truth is easily uncovered: it’s a wood/urethane hybrid. I’m proud of their unabashedness (the material type is not hidden in a small font or anything), but I’m perturbed that I have no idea what percentage is wood and what percentage is urethane. The packaging is quick to point out all the positive aspects of this toy: it’s nonporous, splinter free (uh, I’d hope so), phthalates free, waterproof, and “lubrication friendly” (uh, I’d hope so). More applause-worthy, in my opinion, is the included tan storage pouch, batteries, and packet of Wet Original lube.

The Treeze Wave’s claim to fame, other than being made of “wood,” is that its vibrator is replaceable. The black plastic vibrator unscrews from the bottom of the shaft. For some reason, I’m not impressed by this… perhaps because the vibrator is louder and more annoying than the Hitachi. Yes, I’m serious. While the Hitachi sounds like a high-pitched garage tool, this vibrator sounds like a jackhammer. It’s not as horrible once the vibrator is screwed into its “wooden” sleeve, but it’s still quite obnoxious.

During use, there were several things that got on my nerves. First, the noise. Second, the stupid push-button controls that force you to cycle through them. There are eight vibration settings — first the strongest constant vibration (for no apparent reason), then two lesser constant vibrations, and finally pulsation patterns. And third, the material feels pretty much like plastic.

You should also know that the vibrations are very strong, too strong for my vagina, and the girth of 1 1/2″ is too much for me, too. It’s all very overwhelming. I might consider recommending this to someone who likes strong vibrations and girth, but the insane price tag of $70+ stops me.

As much as it may want to be, this is nothing like a truly high-quality wooden toy (like those made by NobEssence or Hans). The wood is not unique to each piece, and it’s stained with awkward colors that look pretty in pictures but lackluster in person (I edited the photo of it, in fact, because the colors are not bright). There is no specificity to the Treeze Wave’s wood, no unique grain. It looks, instead, like a processed piece of… something. It’s not even distinguishable as wood, really.

I guess that’s my problem with the Treeze Wave. It feels entirely synthetic. The material feels like plastic, the “wood” looks fake, the vibration exists and makes sure you know it. Nothing about using the Treeze Wave feels like walking in a forest. And with wood, that’s what I want.

  • Backseat Boohoo

    Yeah, a wooden vibrator sleeve coated in a material that makes it feel like plastic seems kind of pointless to me. I’d rather just pay a quarter of the price for an actual plastic sleeve, if I were going to use a sleeve at all.

  • vanimp

    Gawd yes I am now puzzled as to why your vibe is louder outside the sleeve, insanely weird. It is big and the vibrations are very strong which I like but compared to my Hitachi when inserted into the sleeve it’s most definitely LOUDER. I will interested to see other’s reviews on these two toys too.

  • @Backseat Boohoo: Exactly. Plus, you can get amazing real wooden toys for not much more than $70. If you’re gonna blow $70, you might as well blow a little more and get something unique and real.

  • VanillaImpaired reviewed this as well and she did it as a video review to further drive home the point of HOLY SHIT ITS LOUD. Vibe wasn’t too bad, noise wise, when not in the sleeve.
    Do you think it’s rattling against the “wood” then?

    So it’s not unique and so obviously machine-made all around, likely half urethane….the vibe sounds cheap….I’d really like to know WTF they think justifies them in slapping on that price tag.

  • @Lilly: I have NO IDEA why, but hers and mine are opposites. Mine is insanely loud without the sleeve, and less loud in the sleeve. I am very puzzled.

    It doesn’t sound like it rattles against the wood. It just sounds like it’s a very loud vibrator muffled by a sleeve. If you don’t screw it in completely, it will rattle, and that is a horrendous noise.

  • @vanimp: At least we can be sure that, in some way, this thing is off-the-charts loud.

  • Wendy

    The wood/urethane hybrid material looks most like the “birch laminate” I’ve seen these knitting needles made of — interesting comparison. 🙂

  • You know, I’m almost glad this toy bombed out for you because I just couldn’t believe the hype Don Wands was trying to sell.

  • Don

    Well, it seems many of you don’t really know much about the Treeze from Don Wands do you? If you would like to find out more, contact the company, they can explain the difference of a solid wood product that is saturated with urethane resin so as not to need a coating, coatings can chip and scratch and create bacterial issues for the user.

    As far as the sound, we have included a super high powered vibe, because unlike you, our marketing research shows most women want power. They also want a vibe to last longer, since the design of a vibe does not allow for a very long life, we designed it to be replaceable for around $15.

    The vibrating inside the wood sleeve, if not dampened, which they are now, will cause a rattle, so make sure you are tight before you get it on at your Grandmother’s house. If you want a quieter vibe, I will send you the quick fix.

    A solid wood dildo is only that, not knocking it, but these are two different animals. The solid wood dildos have all been coated to protect from the porous nature of wood, so you are feeling more of a foreign substance in their piece, than you are a Treeze. If you think it feels coated or like plastic, you have only talked yourself into it.

    This may not the be all end all, but with Don Wands designing and producing adult novelties with the customer and their pocket book in mind, it sure speaks to those who make expensive plastic and rubber throw-aways. If you want a good strong wooden vibe, we make one.

    Thanks for your honesty, but don’t be afraid to contact the manufacturer for clarification.

    Best Wishes,
    Don

  • alphabitch

    Geez. So 1) the vibe is noisy as hell, and 2) the company reps are snippy as hell. Putting this one on my “avoid” list. 😛

  • Miss KissThis

    I would think that any good company would want to receive honest feedback about their products. After seeing a representative of Don Wands handle this situation poorly, and publicly at that, makes me rethink how I feel about them. I doubt I will give them my business in the future. Good job Don, looks like you lost a customer!

  • Don,
    Quit crying. Step your game up.
    Best wishes,
    Merrill.
    ps: how’s that for ‘clarification’? 🙂

  • Backseat Boohoo

    @Don:

    “…because unlike you, our marketing research shows most women want power.”

    I’m confused by this statement. Am I unlike other women? Am I NOT a woman, but rather scum scraped from the bottom of a dumpster, as my father is wont to humorously tell me? Is it because I, a poor college student with a family in economic decline, do not have the funds or resources to conduct a wide-scale study on how hard women want their crotches to vibrate (whereas a sex toy company could certainly come up with the funds and resources)?

    And, uh, I think your research is faulty. Because no matter how powerful a woman wants her vibe–even if she needs a Hitachi on ‘high’ to get off–she probably won’t use power as an excuse for quality.

    Also, I was unaware that you were psychic and could tell how a toy felt to me. Surely I must be lying if I say this toy feels like plastic, for you have seen inside my head whilst I masturbated with said toy and have seen otherwise!

  • I had been curious about these toys actually.

    I still might have considered it too had it not been for the reply from Don you got. I think that’s a little unprofessional in my book. If you have an issue with the person reviewing, I think it should be dealt with privately. If you were just going to come and openly explain and defend the toy, it can be done without being insulting. I don’t think I’d ever buy anything from them now so thanks for saving me some money all the way around Epiphora. 😉

  • Luscious Lily

    I had been toying with the idea of getting and reviewing a Don Wands toy, but after the way the company handled this I am appalled. If this really is a Don Wands representative, not someone masquerading as such to stir up trouble, you’d think they’d at least have had the courtesy to contact Epiphora privately.

  • @Don: Seriously?

  • I love the “Don’t be afraid to contact the manufacturer for clarification.” line. As if you’d call them up and say “Look, it feels like plastic to me.” and they’d say “Oh, no, let me clarify- what you’re feeling is so much better than those other wooden toys.”, and you’d then say, “Well, I’m holding them both and that’s not what I’m feeling.” and they’d reply “Look, do you want clarification or not!?!”.

    I still don’t think I understand the replaceable vibrator bit . . . I get the reasons behind it, but can *any* vibrator be put in there? Or what?

  • @Don:
    Your market research should definitely include the opinions of one of the most talented and well-known sex toy reviewers. Duh.
    Maybe you should also consider the reactions of “the market” to your post before taking such actions again.

    oh look….see…. that’s another customer who wants to stay away from you now.

  • I think what Don there also doesn’t realize is that you cannot produce a sex toy that will appeal to many/most/all/insert-other-ridiculous-high-figure of the women who use it. You just can’t. And while I may fit into the women you designed this for (the Moar Power movement), the uggo design and power-tool-loudness completely kill that aspect of it.

    Hell just read nearly any negative review I’ve given, and then head to the reseller sites and you’ll see that where I hated the piece of shit, other ladies thought it was a gift from the gods.

    Don also might want to realize that tone doesn’t come across well in text many times and so he should be extra vigilant to remain professional at all times. If that’s even possible.

    To be frank, Don, it sounds to me like you might have wedged that Treeze a bit too far up your ass – it has affected your common sense and attitude greatly. I’ve been on the fence about numerous DonWand toys, and this whole thing kicked me wayyyyy far off the fence and into never-ever-gonna-get-it land. *cue up the En Vogue song*

  • Carrie Ann

    This whole thing is turning into a mess.

    The original review is a tad on the snarky side. I’d say that was intentional. There’s nothing wrong with that. Epiphora obviously wasn’t pleased with the toy on all sorts of levels. Nothing wrong with that, either. It’s her blog and she’s known for a certain style of review; products she finds unacceptable or inferior are pretty much always blasted into oblivion. Again, nothing wrong with that.

    That’s the nature of reviews. Some are happy, pleasant and full of love. Some… not so much.

    It looks, to me, like our friend Don got insulted by the tone of the review. I’m sure that happens a lot, too. No company is going to enjoy having their product spoken badly of. Unlike Don, however, *most* toy companies and their representatives don’t try to rebut a review.

    It’s a waste of time and causes even more dislike of the company, it’s products and representatives than the initial review may have done.

    A review is subjective and dependent upon the personal experience of the reviewer. I’ve read plenty of bad reviews and gone on to still want – and enjoy – the product.

    I think Don could easily have clarified material concerns and offered the fixed, less loud vibrator in a diplomatic way. He could have made a good impression for the company rather than coming across as combative and condescending. I think Don let his emotional reaction to a critical review lead his typing fingers into a response that was unprofessional and bordering on ridiculous.

    He could have said “We went with the data provided by our test market and I’m sorry our product didn’t work for you. Hopefully you’ll like your next Don Wands product more; I think we all know that not everything works for every body.” Instead, he chose to argue how it felt — which is ridiculous in the extreme. You can’t tell someone how they feel and expect to be right.

    As for the product itself…

    It’s not a high end product. Seventy dollars is fairly moderate for a toy made of just about anything other than jelly, elastomer and rubber; especially a material that is unique and intriguing to a lot of people and not being mass produced by anyone else yet. It’s new and exciting and the price is going to reflect that. NobEssence stuff is twice the cost and made completely differently. I wouldn’t even bother to compare the two.

    I’m not impressed with Don or his reaction.

    I’m not overly impressed with the Treeze line in general. Curious but not gaga over them. They DO look a little fake to me; rather like buying a pressed wood desk from Walmart with it’s fake graining and “cherry colored” stain instead of a cherry wood desk. Then again, I’ve purchased a desk from Walmart, “cherry colored” stain and all, cuz it was the best I could afford and it was okay. I’m usually okay with things being okay. I can’t afford for everything in my life to be wonderful.

    I’m also not going to judge a company by the response of one of it’s representatives. We all fuck up occasionally and I really like the Don Wands glass pieces and would probably enjoy one of the Treeze dildos or plugs, even if I am turned off by the vibrators at this point.

    And I think Don Wands should hire me to give lessons in diplomacy cuz this was a herculean effort on my part.

  • @Cand86: Nope, you have to use their vibrators, because the vibrator screws in. :/

  • Wow. Judging by the less than stellar review the Treeze received and the obvious poor attitude of the staff at Don Wands, I think I’ll be avoiding buying their products in the future.

  • I had to add in again here. I’ve reviewed a wooden dildo HANDMADE by Hans. Sure it’s a dildo and this is a vibrator and that’s apples and oranges.

    But.

    “a solid wood product that is saturated with urethane resin so as not to need a coating, coatings can chip and scratch and create bacterial issues for the user”

    Bullshit, Don. Hans knows what he’s doing, and I’m pretty damn sure Nobessence does too. Hans uses something like 8 coats of “salad bowl finish”. That is not going to chip or scratch or anything. And if it does? Then maybe you might want to stop using your hardwood dildo as a weapon or a hammer or a pestle.

  • It’s safe to say that someone’s unprofessional has just lost the respect of a lot of educated sex toy reviewers.

  • @Don: Wow! Don, she didn’t like it that much, no biggie. That means there’s no reason to make a big stink about it. That also means that if you are Don of Don Wands, you should happily take the good feedback with the bad and grow from there.

    I hate to tell you but I trust Epiphora’s opinions very much and if she says it feels like plastic, I believe her! I would more than likely think it felt like plastic too. Does that mean that I would be wrong as well? At this point….I really don’t care….

    Thanks for the honest review Epiphora!

  • Don

    WOW!

    OMG, I am so sorry! My comments were interpreted as rather offensive, I meant no disrespect, honestly.

    My poorly worded attempt to defend the company’s efforts to advertise this product were not handled very well.

    We truly appreciate an unbiased look at the features of our product that we volunteered to submit. We accept your comments and hope you can except our apology and realize that it was not meant in a person way at all.

    Carrie Ann, what is your number, I believe I could use your advise in the future!

    Our goal is to produce a great product at a great price for consumers. We are attempting to move into additional materials that offer similar hygiene benefits to glass, and that look beautiful. We are learning from your comments that are directed toward the features of the products, thanks you.

    Again, please accept our sincere apologies.

    With Respect,
    Don

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  • Amber

    We have used several products of Don Wands, including the Treez Wave and lots of there different glass models. We find them very enjoyable and have added much pleasure to an already incredible sex life. Never once have we had any trouble when dealing with the company or any of its representatives. We hope everyone will make there own decision about the products and people they deal with at Don Wands. Thanks Amber

  • DominaDoll

    Wow! Looks like I missed a whole lotta shit hitting the fan while away!

    Every reviewer has the right to review a product as they see fit, whether scathing or not. Freedom of the press it is called. And, one person’s negative review is not going to bring down the sex toy industry. It is what it is, a personal opinion, that’s all. This is Epiphora’s blog and she has right to write what she wants, and also the responsibility to be honest about the products she reviews. This is why her reviews are popular, because she tells the truth and does not sugar coat them.

    Don has taken a defensive stance in his response to E’s review. It is too bad that he published that response openly in a forum where everyone can read it, and that he allowed his frustration at this criticism to override a more thoughtful response on his part. This could have been a good opportunity to react in a pro-active manner and build integrity with readers and reviewers.

    I hope (and think) that sex toy companies do want thoughtful criticism and feedback on their products (even if negative) in order to improve their products.

    Epiphora is an excellent reviewer and I stand behind her opinions, negative or positive.

  • vanimp

    It’s a new product. Along with that, there are going to be teething problems. Which there are, the vibe is insanely loud. Women like power yes but they also like to be discreet and not sound like they are mowing the lawn in their bedroom.

    Don’s first reply did come across as harsh, as did the review, but it was an honest review of one person’s experience with one of your products. I prefer to read honest over hyped up fluffing anyday. I appreciate honest reviewing over ass kissing.

    It is however off putting when you are reviewing products and see comments like that which are off putting in a need to contact and deal with the company if you have genuine enquiries …

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  • I am amused at the grovelling in the second “Don” comment. Think he’ll actually use Carrie-Ann’s phone number for research purposes, or for prank calls when he’s having a bad day?

  • Selective Sensualist

    Wow, what a stink caused over an honest expression of opinion (I just read through the responses to this post). I, for one, thank you for your honest evaluation of this product. $70+ IS a lot to spend and I appreciate making informed decisions. I sometimes go ahead and buy a product after reading a negative review because I do realize that people have differing preferences and anatomies. But, once again, the more feedback I can get before making my decision makes my decision more informed.

  • Bri

    I didn’t even know that a vibrating ‘wood’ vibrator existed. It doesn’t like I’ve been missing out on much. The power sounds nice, but the feel, look, and girth totally out weight that!

  • Oddkin

    And their readership.

    I’m late to the party but not too late to have actually purchased from Don Wands, which is going to happen when hell freezes over. Any company that is THIS flagrantly disrespectful to what they should consider their most prized resource clearly wants to go under.

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  • Whitney M

    Am I the only one who read those last sentences as “Nothing about using the Treeze Wave feels like wanking in a forest”? Because that is what I want from a wooden sex toy as of right now.

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