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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rumble Seat

February 26, 2019
When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want... Keep Reading
Congrats & thank you for entering my giveaway! Graphic of sex toy prizes and Boris in the corner saying "good work, human."
Giveaways

Decade of sex toys giveaway winners (plus Boris video!)

November 19, 2017
That’s it! The hugest sex toy giveaway of the year is over, and I have awarded all 100-ish prizes to the... Keep Reading
Chowdy rolling around on the floor, being thoroughly in the way in front of a bunch of sex toys.
April Fool's!

Replace the human with cats. (April Fool’s wrap-up)

April 15, 2017
April Fool’s Day has whizzed past us, and sadly for you, I have now wrestled back control of this blog and... Keep Reading
My cat Chowder overseeing a pile of sex toys.
April Fool's!

Cat blog takeover commence. Cats review sex toys?

April 1, 2017
Greetings, readers. This isss Boris speaking. I am the wrinkly grey cat from Instagrams, you know me. Hallo. Today is very... Keep Reading
A keyboard spelling out "SEX." Because sex blogging = a rearranged keyboard, duh.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordWhine Time

PSA: Not everything I say is sexual

October 17, 2010
I know this may be hard to believe, but I am not a sex maniac. I do not have sex... Keep Reading

Fresh tweets

Two days left to enter to win one of these iconic bullet vibrators! ✨ https://t.co/iYDlYGuGxy
yesterday
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Latest posts

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

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  • Latest posts
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  • Buy toys
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    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
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