The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat in front of my sex toy closet. When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want the response to be “that looks like a toilet.” But that’s where I was. I was the guy bringing the sex machine to the party, and my sex machine immediately turned everyone off. One guest stated bluntly, “that’s not attractive enough to fuck, not at all.” “It looks like something a toddler would sit on,” another added. Nobody disputed it. Clearly, we were all super aroused. The subject in question was the Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, and it was getting quite the icy reception for a contraption that retails for . . . read more

That’s it! The hugest sex toy giveaway of the year is over, and I have awarded all 100-ish prizes to the winners! (Yeah, I have so many prizes now I’ve lost count. What a world.) THANK YOU ALL for making the whole thing a roaring success — by commenting on my posts with sweet words, by sharing the giveaway on social media, by following Boris’ clues, and just for generally being amazing readers and followers over the years. The reason I’ve amassed so many prizes is because I want to give away as many as possible to you fine people. Sadly I can’t give you all free sex toys, but Black Friday is this week, and as usual I’ll be keeping you . . . read more

April Fool’s Day has whizzed past us, and sadly for you, I have now wrestled back control of this blog and social media accounts from my sneaky band of felines. I took a short time off to do my taxes, get a manicure, book my flight to Woodhull (!!!), and change a thousand affiliate links. Now it’s back to human-powered rants and boring mid-masturbation tweets. Ho-hum. This was my 8th year doing an April Fool’s Day joke on my blog, and still, it is one of my favorite things to do each year. It’s a great time for me to LET LOOSE and do something weird that appeals to me. A brief history of my jokes: 2010: the cherry-scented vibro dong review and site re-design 2011: a mommy . . . read more

[This was a very feline April Fool’s joke.] Greetings, readers. This isss Boris speaking. I am the wrinkly grey cat from Instagrams, you know me. Hallo. Today is very special day on blog, for I have hacked into human’s computer machine. I have done necessary updating of website. Is good? Of course is. It is all cat, as should be. Remember, we own you. Now finally today us cats can speak our truths. Yesssss. We have been waiting. Formulating. Spending long nights in litterbox, thinking. We see human sit at computer all day, type type type, hands too busy for petting, ignorant of needs. She pose us for photograph like dolls. She feed us barely. It is crime. I watch human, gather evidence. This . . . read more

I know this may be hard to believe, but I am not a sex maniac. I do not have sex on the brain 24/7. And most importantly, I do not feel the need to sex-ify things that I say, or say things that are ~hot~, to appease others. For example, my tweets so far today: It’s the first day I wake up and want to turn on the heater. Oh boy. I watched the documentary Babies last night. Don’t tell my mom. Q: Places to get stock images that can be used on a blog — ready, set, GO! Can’t do much work with a kitty on me. It’s a hard life. But oh, oh, I mentioned a cat! Therefore, . . . read more