Giveaways
13 8 min read

Decade of sex toys giveaway winners (plus Boris video!)

Announcing the winners of my annual sex toy giveaway, plus a bonus video compilation of my weird-ass hairless cat, Boris.

Congrats & thank you for entering my giveaway! Graphic of sex toy prizes and Boris in the corner saying "good work, human."

That’s it! The hugest sex toy giveaway of the year is over, and I have awarded all 100-ish prizes to the winners! (Yeah, I have so many prizes now I’ve lost count. What a world.)

THANK YOU ALL for making the whole thing a roaring success — by commenting on my posts with sweet words, by sharing the giveaway on social media, by following Boris’ clues, and just for generally being amazing readers and followers over the years. The reason I’ve amassed so many prizes is because I want to give away as many as possible to you fine people.

Sadly I can’t give you all free sex toys, but Black Friday is this week, and as usual I’ll be keeping you up-to-date on all the best sex toy sales. Sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop.

Boris’ spy mission: winners, answers + bonus video!

This year I added a new component: clues from my hairless cat, Boris, leading to various posts on the site. I figured hardcore readers would enjoy the scavenger hunt (all answers listed below), but had no idea how popular it would be. To my surprise, over 500 people found 20+ Boris clues, so competition for the grand prize was very tough! As a thank you to you all for so diligently trawling through my archives, I compiled a video of Boris’ finest moments. Please enjoy this weird-ass cat.

GRAND PRIZE “Top Agent” goes to Betsy! They will receive a Pure Wand from njoy, Magic Wand Rechargeable from Vibratex, Mona 2 from LELO, Stronic Eins from Fun Factory, Wedge from Liberator, Fleshlight from Dallas Novelty, Crash Pad Series membership from Pink & White, $125 gift card from SheVibe, 6-pack of lube from Sliquid, and swag from SheVibe and Dallas Novelty!

RUNNER-UP “Sleeper Agents”: Michelle, Braeden, Lauren, Rachel, Laura, Diana, Zuzana, Wiley, Jennifer, and Vyn! Each will receive a Magic Wand Rechargeable or Mystic Wand from Vibratex, 1-month Crash Pad Series membership from Pink & White, and bottle of lube from Sliquid!

  • CLUE #1: What is expensive machine that enemy foolishly left in human’s care? A: Sybian.
  • CLUE #2: Human attempts to conquer adversary, is very large. Eventually adapts to local custom, now has thoroughly infiltrated. A: Randy.
  • CLUE #3: Cats do great sabotage of this product with some regurgitated foods, very good work. A: Under the Bed Restraint System.
  • CLUE #4: In this post is photo of my intellectually inferior fellow agent keeping toy under wraps from human. A: The secret truth about sex toy reviewing.
  • CLUE #5: What is mortal adversary to the enemy buzzy? A: Rumbly.
  • CLUE #6: Seems to me many sexy toys well-trained in sabotage, as human organize all under one page. A: Orgasm ruiner.
  • CLUE #7: There is photographic evidence of this item attempting covert ops among fruits. A: Buck.
  • CLUE #8: Human has odd machine, it release substance like thick water, but I know is not water. Is trap. A: automatic lube dispenser.
  • CLUE #9: This tag urge all to desert inferior spies, purchase device instead. A: dump him, buy a Mona.
  • CLUE #10: Human’s favorite music band provides scintillating soundtrack to self-pleasure session in diary of sins. A: Jack-off Journal #20.
  • CLUE #11: What parenthesis-shaped object is a favorite of human’s, and also exquisite for silently and cleanly terminating a rival agent? A: Pure Wand.
  • CLUE #12: Where does human respond to queries with classified intelligence and advice on how to blend in with locals? A: Ask Piph.
  • CLUE #13: What is bright, colorful part of human’s lair that is full of secret hiding places and items for me to knock down? A: sex toy closet.
  • CLUE #14: What is unattractive toy that looks like tooth cleaning device but no, is for pleassssures? A: Eroscillator.
  • CLUE #15: If you can forgives the capitalism, here is list of human’s weapons of choice. A: worth every damn penny.
  • CLUE #16: Is human secreting sexy fluids or merely marking her territory? A: How I know squirting is real (and also not pee).
  • CLUE #17: Human offer tips on dispensing presents for make happy, not for trap like spy. A: Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide.
  • CLUE #18: Assessment of strange mating ritual featuring humans of same-sex persuasion. A: Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes.
  • CLUE #19: Which toy resembles good insect enemy that I WANT TO TRAP? A: Eva.
  • CLUE #20: Human acquires spy bunker, delivers covert report on process. A: 15 things I learned buying a house as a sex blogger.
  • CLUE #21: What does human reach for when want to make slippery? A: Sliquid.
  • CLUE #22: This human toy do two thing, vibrate and go backs and forths, but deceiving in usefulness. A: Bi Stronic Fusion.
  • CLUE #23: Here you read about poison, not for killing enemy agents, but for contaminate human orifices. A: The case against toxic toys.
  • CLUE #24: Where can spy sleuth out answer to why human has distaste for tasty lagomorphs? A: FAQ, rabbit vibes.
  • CLUE #25: This favored human toy very efficient at providing lazy pleasures. Battery last many hours, perfect for use in field. A: Magic Wand Rechargeable.

Individual prize winners

All winners have been notified and confirmed.

Finally, big neverending thanks to all the amazing companies who donated: Babeland, Crystal Delights, Dallas Novelty, Downunder Toys, Doxy, Early to Bed, Fun Factory, Fuze, Good Vibrations, Hole Punch Toys, Hot Octopuss, Jopen, L’Amourose, LELO, Liberator, Lovehoney, Minna, New York Toy Collective, njoy, NobEssence, OhMiBod, Peepshow Toys, Pink & White, Pleasure Chest, Self Delve, SheVibe, Sliquid, Smitten Kitten, Stockroom, Tantus, Tenga, Twisted Monk, Vibratex, Vixen Creations, We-Vibe, Womanizer, and Zumio. Couldn’t have done it without all of you!