That’s it! The hugest sex toy giveaway of the year is over, and I have awarded all 100-ish prizes to the winners! (Yeah, I have so many prizes now I’ve lost count. What a world.)
THANK YOU ALL for making the whole thing a roaring success — by commenting on my posts with sweet words, by sharing the giveaway on social media, by following Boris’ clues, and just for generally being amazing readers and followers over the years. The reason I’ve amassed so many prizes is because I want to give away as many as possible to you fine people.
Sadly I can’t give you all free sex toys, but Black Friday is this week, and as usual I’ll be keeping you up-to-date on all the best sex toy sales. Sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop.
Boris’ spy mission: winners, answers + bonus video!
This year I added a new component: clues from my hairless cat, Boris, leading to various posts on the site. I figured hardcore readers would enjoy the scavenger hunt (all answers listed below), but had no idea how popular it would be. To my surprise, over 500 people found 20+ Boris clues, so competition for the grand prize was very tough! As a thank you to you all for so diligently trawling through my archives, I compiled a video of Boris’ finest moments. Please enjoy this weird-ass cat.
GRAND PRIZE “Top Agent” goes to Betsy! They will receive a Pure Wand from njoy, Magic Wand Rechargeable from Vibratex, Mona 2 from LELO, Stronic Eins from Fun Factory, Wedge from Liberator, Fleshlight from Dallas Novelty, Crash Pad Series membership from Pink & White, $125 gift card from SheVibe, 6-pack of lube from Sliquid, and swag from SheVibe and Dallas Novelty!
RUNNER-UP “Sleeper Agents”: Michelle, Braeden, Lauren, Rachel, Laura, Diana, Zuzana, Wiley, Jennifer, and Vyn! Each will receive a Magic Wand Rechargeable or Mystic Wand from Vibratex, 1-month Crash Pad Series membership from Pink & White, and bottle of lube from Sliquid!
- CLUE #1: What is expensive machine that enemy foolishly left in human’s care? A: Sybian.
- CLUE #2: Human attempts to conquer adversary, is very large. Eventually adapts to local custom, now has thoroughly infiltrated. A: Randy.
- CLUE #3: Cats do great sabotage of this product with some regurgitated foods, very good work. A: Under the Bed Restraint System.
- CLUE #4: In this post is photo of my intellectually inferior fellow agent keeping toy under wraps from human. A: The secret truth about sex toy reviewing.
- CLUE #5: What is mortal adversary to the enemy buzzy? A: Rumbly.
- CLUE #6: Seems to me many sexy toys well-trained in sabotage, as human organize all under one page. A: Orgasm ruiner.
- CLUE #7: There is photographic evidence of this item attempting covert ops among fruits. A: Buck.
- CLUE #8: Human has odd machine, it release substance like thick water, but I know is not water. Is trap. A: automatic lube dispenser.
- CLUE #9: This tag urge all to desert inferior spies, purchase device instead. A: dump him, buy a Mona.
- CLUE #10: Human’s favorite music band provides scintillating soundtrack to self-pleasure session in diary of sins. A: Jack-off Journal #20.
- CLUE #11: What parenthesis-shaped object is a favorite of human’s, and also exquisite for silently and cleanly terminating a rival agent? A: Pure Wand.
- CLUE #12: Where does human respond to queries with classified intelligence and advice on how to blend in with locals? A: Ask Piph.
- CLUE #13: What is bright, colorful part of human’s lair that is full of secret hiding places and items for me to knock down? A: sex toy closet.
- CLUE #14: What is unattractive toy that looks like tooth cleaning device but no, is for pleassssures? A: Eroscillator.
- CLUE #15: If you can forgives the capitalism, here is list of human’s weapons of choice. A: worth every damn penny.
- CLUE #16: Is human secreting sexy fluids or merely marking her territory? A: How I know squirting is real (and also not pee).
- CLUE #17: Human offer tips on dispensing presents for make happy, not for trap like spy. A: Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide.
- CLUE #18: Assessment of strange mating ritual featuring humans of same-sex persuasion. A: Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes.
- CLUE #19: Which toy resembles good insect enemy that I WANT TO TRAP? A: Eva.
- CLUE #20: Human acquires spy bunker, delivers covert report on process. A: 15 things I learned buying a house as a sex blogger.
- CLUE #21: What does human reach for when want to make slippery? A: Sliquid.
- CLUE #22: This human toy do two thing, vibrate and go backs and forths, but deceiving in usefulness. A: Bi Stronic Fusion.
- CLUE #23: Here you read about poison, not for killing enemy agents, but for contaminate human orifices. A: The case against toxic toys.
- CLUE #24: Where can spy sleuth out answer to why human has distaste for tasty lagomorphs? A: FAQ, rabbit vibes.
- CLUE #25: This favored human toy very efficient at providing lazy pleasures. Battery last many hours, perfect for use in field. A: Magic Wand Rechargeable.
Individual prize winners
All winners have been notified and confirmed.
- The tokidoki Unicorn Wand, donated by Lovehoney, goes to… Sarah!
- A $125 gift card to Smitten Kitten, goes to… Ebony!
- The LELO Mona 2, donated by LELO, goes to… Sarah!
- The We-Vibe Sync, donated by We-Vibe, goes to… Martine!
- The njoy Pure Plug in your choice of size, donated by njoy, goes to… Rosemarie!
- The Zumio, donated by Zumio, goes to… Ashleigh!
- The Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness, donated by Dallas Novelty, goes to… Sadu!
- The Self Delve toy of your choice, donated by Self Delve, goes to… Beth!
- The Doxy Don, donated by Doxy, goes to… Sid!
- The We-Vibe Pleasure Mate Collection, donated by We-Vibe, goes to… Christine!
- The Fuze toy of your choice, donated by Fuze, goes to… John!
- The LELO Loki, donated by LELO, goes to… Sophia!
- A Fleshlight of your choice, donated by Dallas Novelty, goes to… Simon!
- The We-Vibe Pivot, donated by We-Vibe, goes to… Christina!
- The NobEssence Romp, donated by SheVibe, goes to… Kai!
- A year membership to Crash Pad Series, donated by Pink & White, goes to… Irene!
- The We-Vibe Touch, donated by We-Vibe, goes to… Ecto!
- The njoy Pure Wand, donated by njoy, goes to… Cassie!
- The LELO Sona, donated by LELO, goes to… Yvonne!
- The Tantus toy of your choice, donated by Tantus, goes to… Wesley!
- The Liberator Wedge, donated by Liberator, goes to… Ash-Lee!
- The We-Vibe Ditto, donated by We-Vibe, goes to… Peri!
- The Tenga Flip Hole of your choice, donated by Tenga, goes to… Seb!
- The (sparkle!) Doxy Die Cast, donated by Doxy, goes to… Nikkiana!
- The We-Vibe Tango, donated by We-Vibe, goes to… Angela!
- A $125 gift card to Peepshow Toys, goes to… Sole!
- The LELO Siri 2, donated by LELO, goes to… Olivia!
- The We-Vibe Rave, donated by We-Vibe, goes to… Casey!
- The Liberator Throw, donated by Liberator, goes to… Rosie!
- The Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo, donated by Hot Octopuss, goes to… Olaunda!
- The Downunder Toys toy of your choice, donated by Downunder Toys, goes to… Danielle!
- The Spareparts Hardwear Tomboi or Tomboii, donated by Dallas Novelty, goes to… Julia!
- The njoy Eleven, donated by njoy, goes to… Jennifer!
- The LELO Hugo, donated by LELO, goes to… Ron!
- The Fun Factory Stronic Eins, donated by Fun Factory, goes to… Devyn!
- The Magic Wand Rechargeable, donated by Vibratex, goes to… Stephanie!
- The BJ Dildo, donated by Good Vibrations, goes to… Samantha!
- The Womanizer of your choice, donated by Womanizer, goes to… M!
- The Eroscillator 2 Plus, donated by Pleasure Chest, goes to… Lexi!
- The New York Toy Collective toy of your choice, donated by New York Toy Collective, goes to… Elizabeth!
- The Crystal Delights anal plug of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights, goes to… Emily!
- The Neon Wand, donated by Stockroom, goes to… Caitlin!
- A $125 gift card to Hole Punch Toys, donated by Hole Punch Toys, goes to… Katlyn!
- The L’Amourose Rosa Rouge, donated by L’Amourose, goes to… Lauren!
- The Crystal Delights Epiphora-Exclusive dildo of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights, goes to… Alex!
- The Butt Pack (Bootie + B Ball Uno + Flexi Felix), donated by Fun Factory, goes to… Elinor!
- The Fun Factory Big Boss G5, donated by Fun Factory, goes to… Sophie Rose!
- The Babeland Mustang, donated by Babeland, goes to… Amelia!
- The Jopen Key Comet II Wand, donated by Jopen, goes to… Teresa!
- A VixSkin dildo of your choice, donated by Vixen Creations, goes to… Sapphorist!
- A $125 credit to the gender expression category at Early to Bed, goes to… Kat!
- The Crystal Delights Tail of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights, goes to… Salina!
- The Twisted Monk Rope Pack, donated by Twisted Monk, goes to… TK!
- The L’Amourose Prism V, donated by L’Amourose, goes to… Clarabelle!
- The Minna toy of your choice, donated by Minna, goes to… Jessica!
- The Sexual Wellness Pack (Smartballs Duo + Fun Cup Explore Kit + B Ball Uno), donated by Fun Factory, goes to… Kayla!
- The NobEssence Seduction, donated by NobEssence, goes to… C.G.!
- The OhMiBod toy of your choice, donated by OhMiBod, goes to… Shawna!
- The Fun Factory Bouncer, donated by Fun Factory, goes to… O.M.!
- The L’Amourosa Rosa, donated by L’Amourose, goes to… gooseberrygirl!
Finally, big neverending thanks to all the amazing companies who donated: Babeland, Crystal Delights, Dallas Novelty, Downunder Toys, Doxy, Early to Bed, Fun Factory, Fuze, Good Vibrations, Hole Punch Toys, Hot Octopuss, Jopen, L’Amourose, LELO, Liberator, Lovehoney, Minna, New York Toy Collective, njoy, NobEssence, OhMiBod, Peepshow Toys, Pink & White, Pleasure Chest, Self Delve, SheVibe, Sliquid, Smitten Kitten, Stockroom, Tantus, Tenga, Twisted Monk, Vibratex, Vixen Creations, We-Vibe, Womanizer, and Zumio. Couldn’t have done it without all of you!