Listen, bub, you’re not gonna usurp vibrators in one fell swoop. You’re just not. But if anyone should be screaming “revolutionary!!!”, you know, for once, Fun Factory has actually earned it. The Stronic Eins feels nothing like any sex toy I’ve ever touched or put in my vagina.
Where vibrators have a rotational motor, the Stronic Eins is hollow-bodied and equipped with a solid metal weight that moves back and forth inside it.1 The movement reminds everyone of a Shake Weight. As another reviewer put it, the Stronic Eins “shudders like me seeing a jelly toy.” Prior to trying the toy, I declared, “the way this thing writhes, it’s either going to be awesome — or a complete disaster.”
The Stronic Eins does not come with a storage bag, which is pretty shit-tay for a $190 toy. It charges for a very long time — up to 16 hours — but holds a charge well. I’ve only had to re-charge mine once2 because it seemed like it was beginning to lose steam… and I’ve used it a lot.
Other stuff: the Stronic Eins is waterproof; it can be locked for travel; its three buttons (on/off, + and -) are hard as marbles, pleasing to the touch, and they light up. Yes, good.
The silicone shaft is about 6″ long, but I doubt most people would insert more than 5″. The shaft is 1.5″ in diameter at the part that’ll actually be inside you, and 1.83″ at the nub part. As I always say, Fun Factory’s silicone sucks. It’s too matte, too draggy, and this particular toy has a faint grainy texture to it. I suggest lubing the shit out of it, as it must move freely to succeed.
This is probably the only sex toy I’ve ever used that is actually worthy of the buzzphrase “whisper quiet.” Another reviewer described it as the sound of a distant helicopter, which is about right; I like to pretend I’m on Lost and a Dharma food drop is coming (peanut buttah!).
The Stronic Eins has 10 modes, described uselessly by the manual with names like “Dirty Dancing,” “Roller Ball,” and “Vienna Waltz.” It starts on the fourth setting, “perfect start,” and from there you can hit the minus button to go down into the “algorithmic” modes, or the plus button to go into “constant” and then “dynamic” modes. No, I have no idea why this is how it works.
Normally, I wouldn’t give a single fuck about a toy shaped like this one. Its pathetic little curve and slight nub seem to say “let’s not commit too strongly to G-spot or clitoral stimulation here.” Some Fun Factory documentation will claim, distressingly yet expectedly, that the nub is a clitoral stimulator — but it gets nowhere near my clit. And I’m glad, because pulsations like this aren’t stimulating enough clitorally. At all.
But apparently an extreme G-spotting curve is not necessary when a toy wiggles like this, because as it turns out, the Stronic Eins hits my G-spot absurdly well.
Reviewers pretty universally agree that the Stronic Eins is weird when you first try it. It takes some adjustment for people like us, who are used to death-gripping our insertables, because the tighter the Stronic Eins is held, the less stimulation you’ll feel. The trick is to hold it as loosely as possible without it escaping.
And that’s what I was worried about: that this toy would want to jump out of my hand like a rocket launching. It will slide out if there’s nothing stopping it, but stopping it is not nearly as difficult as I anticipated. I usually hold out one or two of my fingers for it to bump against. Yes, this is kind-of a pain in the ass, and it does make me wish my arms were longer, but I can deal because it does the rest of the work for me.
If you’re highly motivated to be even lazier, you can even brace it against something else, like a pillow, to go hands-free. This actually does work, contrary to how failtastic it sounds.
There’s a lot to explore within the 10 modes. The “algorithmic” modes consist of jerky, punchy pulses; I like “Rattle” because it’s the fastest and feels like it’s manipulating my G-spot. The movement becomes more fluid through the “constant” modes, where the inner weight isn’t felt as easily; my favorite is “Quicky” (once I reach “Roller Ball,” the thrusting is so fast that it begins to feel mundane, like vibrations).
The “dynamic” modes are the most unusual. “Vienna Waltz,” too much of a tease for me, is a quick shiver followed by increasingly slower, weaker, and more drawn-out thrusts. “Rumba” features pulses that become increasingly faster, stronger, and closer together; it is one of the best.
In any mode, though, the Stronic Eins does fucking wonders for my G-spot. My G-spot is notoriously easy to stimulate, yes, but the sensation is so unique and awesome. The thuddy throbs, the back and forth movement… it just strokes my G-spot so consistently. Most toys are not consistent because, you know, I’m behind the wheel. And I’m not a machine.
To be quite honest, there’ve been times I’ve been using traditional dildos and yearned for the Stronic Eins. It’s just such a quick, fulfilling toy. It’s so lazy, and I LOVE IT. Not just because it is lazy, but because it is highly stimulating. I am constantly coming too soon when using this toy3. It is a problem, and also a sign. A sign that this toy actually lives up to the hype.
And unlike with other moving toys, like rabbits with rotating beads, I can clench my PC muscles around the Stronic Eins without stopping its movement. I am highly particular about clenching around toys, both as I use them and as I orgasm, so this is awesome. I actually relax my PC muscles most of the time when using the Stronic Eins, but I do clench when I orgasm, and am relieved to find that the toy does not resist me.
Inevitably, comparisons to penetrative sex (oh, sorry, lovemaking) will be made, so here’s the T. I don’t know if you know this, but penises do not contain weights that move back and forth. I also believe they are attached to humans, who tend to be unpredictable. Still, this is the closest a toy has ever come to mimicking sex for me — especially “Rumba” mode, with its increasingly fast pulses, which are reminiscent of when I’m about to come during sex and I command my boyfriend to thrust faster and harder.
The Stronic Eins doesn’t really slide in and out, though, and it has nowhere near the power of a particularly driven penis, i.e. it cannot slam into me like a cock can. That is one of my grievances — that it does not fuck my brains out even more.
My other grievance is that $190 is a lot of money. I suppress a cringe when I have to say, out loud, “it’s 190 bucks.” But at the same time, there is literally nothing else on the market like this. And fucking machines cost a lot more. Like $500-1,500, with most over a grand. The Stronic Eins is like a fucking machine minus the space consumption, the grody attachments, and 800 bucks.
That doesn’t erase the fact that $190 is more than most people can muster, though. So here are my suggestions.
Number one, you gotta like thrusting. If you’re the kind of person who’d pick this up in a sex shop, feel the movement, and grimace — it’s not for you. If, however, you’d slowly nod your head in understanding, a smile creeping up your lips… then yes. Put it on your wishlist.
Number two, if you have not become BFFs with your G-spot or internal vaginal stimulation, it’s possible the Stronic Eins would just feel like weirdness. But I also know someone who squirted for the first time using this toy, so it’s hard to say.
It feels a bit fucked up to enjoy this toy as much as I do. As if not having to work for my orgasms is a sin. As if endorsing a $190 toy is a sin. As if I give a shit about sinning. But my vagina is unaware of societal norms or monetary constraints; all it knows is that the Stronic Eins jostles my G-spot into oblivion with very little effort on my part. Quick, disgustingly effortless pleasure. The Stronic Eins is like nothing else in my arsenal, and it has already become a cornerstone.