Review: Splash

Never underestimate the power of an exquisitely-shaped chunk of silicone.

Tantus Splash, a well-read dildo, standing on a bookshelf.

The Tantus Splash looks like it’s in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it’d be grinning and taking it like a champ. Because life is good for the Splash. It is a dildo that stands out aesthetically, but also succeeds internally. It doesn’t have to worry about being deficient in some area, as many sex toys are. (Those are the kinds of toys that might scowl whilst being slimed. Bad sports.)

I tested a prototype of this toy, and I loved it the moment I saw it. Then I really loved it when I put it in my vagina. And now I really really love it in its finished form. I suggested the names Drip, Ooze, and Slime, but alas, Tantus had to be all classy and call it Splash. They also made it thicker, ripplier on the head, with more pronounced and rearranged drips. One particular drip, on the underside of the toy, was smartly eliminated.

It was very interesting to see how this toy went from awesome to mega awesome, as my prototype also did not come in this INCREDIBLE DUAL TONE COLORING. And wow. This just might be the best thing to happen to silicone since glitter.

For years, the Tantus Echo was my favorite textured silicone dildo. Its ridged shape was often challenged, but never defeated. I enjoyed the peculiar and extreme texture on the Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish, but it was pretty abrasive. Well, the Echo is now truly knocked off its throne, and the Splash is now one of my most fervent recommendations for texture sluts like me.

Because it is not adorned with ridges, waves, bumpsswirls, or veins. You have yet to experience this sensation, because these are drips. Drips coming at you from all angles! After testing the prototype, I wrote to Tantus: “a very unique sensation which I have not felt before — that’s a feat!” And um, that was not meant in a condescending tone that my exclamation point usage might signal. No, total and complete seriousness.

Never underestimate the power of an exquisitely-shaped chunk of silicone.

Like the Cush O2, the Splash stimulates the front walls of my vagina amazingly — and with even more intensity due to the hardness of the material and the abundance of drips. In a departure from Cush, the Splash is topped off with an always-appreciated G-spotting curve that works like a dream. The Splash is not really a thrusting dildo, though, so the G-spot stimulation may only be mild if you are not well-acquainted with your G-spot. Me, all I have to do is clench around the Splash to experience all its stimulating intricacies. Which, by the way, are made of Tantus’ wonderfully frictionless glossy silicone.

This type of texture isn’t for everyone; it’s intense and sort of strange, but that is why I love it. If you are wary of shocking your vagina with texture, the Splash has a baby sibling named Splish. But you know me — I always prefer whatever’s huge. Not that the Splash is, but the texture definitely requires a certain… dildo experience level. One that I’ve reached because my vagina is a boss.

I don’t know if it’s the shiny dual colors or watery shape or what, but for me, this dildo evokes summer, lust, and the rush of experiencing something new. If this dildo were a poem, it would be “California Swimming Pool” by Sharon Olds:

. . . the true center was the
dressing rooms: the wet suits,
the smell of chlorine, cold concrete,
the splintered pine wall, on the other
side of which were boys, actually
naked there in air clouded as the
shadows at the bottom of the pool, where the crocodiles
glistened in their slick skins. All summer
the knothole in the wall hissed at me
come see, come see, come eat and be eaten.

It’s a great world we live in, people. Our dildos are no longer confined to penis shapes, veins, and splotches of terrifying pubic hair. We do not need our dildos to look remotely like penises because — oh yeah — masturbation is for us. Our universe includes polka dots and artsy drips and ribbons of color; toys shaped like plants and question marks and aliens and ocean waves and smiling worms; and things that we never would have thought would feel good but then THEY DO.

Yes, my friends, we have dual-colored, pearlescent, faded dildos. We know the people who make these dildos and they are some of the greatest in the industry. They send us dildo tree seeds and T-shirts and sweet emails. They mail us prototypes and actually ask how things should be different. They have sales based on “What What in the Butt.” They are charming and gracious even when we criticize their color choices. The cherry on top? They make the Splash.

And God said, let there be Tantus: and there was Tantus. And God saw Tantus, and it was good.

See all my favorite Tantus toys here!