swirls

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded by years of masturbatory ordeals, my vag was wowed by the smoothness of glass, the heft of stainless steel, the beauty of wood, the silkiness of silicone. Then I experienced luscious dual-density silicone, a true turning point. I quickly crowned it my favorite soft material and proceeded to stuff myself silly with dildos made out of it. That was 8 years ago, that glorious time of squishy exploration, so now I tend to take such materials for granted. It can be hard to get back into that head (vagina?) space again, but then there are toys that take me there, . . . read more

Review: Joyful Pleasure glass dildos

Review: Joyful Pleasure glass dildos

These glass dildos from Joyful Pleasure presented me with a few obstacles. See, I have this thing with insertable objects where I feel frustrated if I can’t conquer them. Whether it’s sheer size, extreme heft, repetitive bloops, every imaginable electrostim setting, or simply a bulge just out of reach, I feel the uncontrollable urge to experience all that a toy has to offer. Combine this with the fact that I’m a texture slut, and you have a recipe for vaginal disaster. When presented with the opportunity to review dildos from Joyful Pleasure, I of course ignored anything smooth and went straight for dildos with bumps, swirls, bloops, and, unbeknownst to me, challenging lengths. A large part of my reason for trying these dildos was price: they’re all under $45. If your . . . read more

Review: The Ash Girl

Review: The Ash Girl

I have a lot of glass dildos, but I find it disturbingly easy to eschew most of them. When I moved, I re-arranged my life so that my desk only contains the most pertinent of sex toys. One drawer is reserved for glass toys, and guess what’s inside? Three Crystal Delights dildos. Nothing else. Crystal Delights is best known for their bejeweled and tail-adorned butt plugs, but to me, they are makers of the greatest most high-quality glass dildos known to man. The Star Delight is a staple in my toybox (used often as a reprieve, or finisher, when other toys fail), and the Crystal Twist is a fabulously weird G-spotting dildo that ranks up there with the best of them. Therefore, I . . . read more

Review: Splash

Review: Splash

[The Splash has now become the Magma.] The Tantus Splash looks like it’s in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it’d be grinning and taking it like a champ. Because life is good for the Splash. It is a dildo that stands out aesthetically, but also succeeds internally. It doesn’t have to worry about being deficient in some area, as many sex toys are. (Those are the kinds of toys that might scowl whilst being slimed. Bad sports.) I tested a prototype of this toy, and I loved it the moment I saw it. Then I really loved it when I put it in my vagina. And now I really really love it in . . . read more

Review: Crystal Twist

Review: Crystal Twist

You may or may not be asking yourself, how can one go wrong with a sex toy shaped exactly like Taco Bell’s Cinnamon Twists? The answer is: you can’t. Sure, you can’t eat this dildo, but it will provide an everlasting pleasure that deep-fried, cinnamon-sugar-dusted dough simply cannot. I mean it. I don’t throw around the word “everlasting.”1 The Crystal Twist is a dildo I will be keeping — and enjoying — forever. Because I have never felt anything like this, in all my years of sex toy fanaticism. That’s very rare. It doesn’t hurt that the Crystal Twist is downright gorgeous. It has a Swarovski crystal embedded in its base, and the “color” version has added ribbons of color. I read somewhere that you . . . read more

Review: Goddess

Review: Goddess

It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn’t know what the fuck to do with. I was on the hunt for my first ever silicone dildo, and I had narrowed it down to either the Goddess or the Echo, both Tantus dildos with texture. Being a cheapskate, I chose the Goddess because it was a smidge less expensive. I was impressed from the get-go. After trudging through many toys bearing the label “novelty only,” it was a relief to see the text on the Tantus box exclaiming, “100% ULTRA-PREMIUM PLATINUM SILICONE: NON-TOXIC, HYPOALLERGENIC, PHTHALATE FREE.” When I removed the dildo, I saw the word TANTUS carved into the base of the toy and thought . . . read more

Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)

Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)

My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight. After all, he loves his first Fleshlight, and it doesn’t even have a texture on the inside. I presented the Tera Patrick Fleshlight to him (err, gave it to him for Christmas…) because I thought he’d like the inner Twista texture. The outside? Well, he barely cares that it’s vulva-shaped, and doesn’t care at all that it’s a pornstar’s vulva. A few things have changed since last September, when he first fell in love with the Fleshlight. The main one is that he rarely, if at all, uses the “shoe method” now. I was appalled to learn this, especially since . . . read more

Review: Candy Stick

Review: Candy Stick

Things that I like: green toys, toys that look like ice cream. But I’ve tried one before, the Fun Factory Twister, and it was a bit of a flop. More than anything else, the dial base was finicky, and the battery compartment was non-intuitive. These issues can make any green-colored and ice cream-shaped toy instantly uncool. And conversely, a well-designed battery compartment and set of controls can make a green-colored and ice cream-shaped toy instantly cool. And so it is with the Candy Stick from up-and-coming Papaya Toys. While the Candy Stick may not be the most amazing toy to ever touch my vagina, it is definitely a solid one, both in construction and in sensation. In fact, it is one . . . read more

Review: Twister

Review: Twister

I’m a sucker for sex toys that come in any shade of green. They’re difficult to come by. The Fun Factory Twister is a 100% silicone vibrator in a glorious shade of light green. I’ve had my eye on it for a long time, due to its color and swirled texture (it reminds me of ice cream that comes out of a machine at all-you-can-eat buffets; I love that shit). Being from Fun Factory’s “Classic Vibes” line, the Twister isn’t readily available these days, so I consider myself lucky to have it in my possession now. But that doesn’t mean it’s a fabulous vibrator. Nor is it horrible. It’s just mediocre. The Twister is 8″ long, 7″ insertable, with a diameter . . . read more

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