I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter. Movement or not. No matter the external vibe. Whatever my mood. If clitoral stimulation makes me come while the Carter is inside me, I gush. I’ll be just hanging out, about to have a completely ordinary orgasm or so it seems, when I feel the pressure building, urging me to slide the dildo out. Sure enough: an expulsion of fluid follows. It hardly ever feels like I’ve earned it, yet it happens, consistently as the sun rising and setting each day. Sneak-attack squirting. And oh, with movement? With actual thrusting? Then I’m ejaculating even more, soaking through the towel on my desk chair. Carter is a meaty dude. . . . read more

It was 10:15 am, just a bit before I needed to leave for work, when the We-Vibe Rave arrived in the mail. I was already dressed — pants, shirt, shoes. My hair was wet from a shower. I’d already had one orgasm that morning, in bed with my fingers after a hot dream, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t have my glasses on yet, but there was no time for that. Nor was there time to give the vibrator an initial charge. I took the Rave straight out of its packaging, turned it on, and unbuttoned my pants. I pulled up some porn on my laptop, shoved my underwear to the side, and pressed the vibrator against my clit in a blurry-eyed haze. Yes. . . . read more

Bloggers created a wave of hysteria following the release of the Jopen Key Comet G Wand. “It effortlessly strokes the fuck out of my G-spot and makes me thank my lucky stars I was born with a vagina,” Girly Juice raved. “I was 38 years old and found my G-spot for the first time in my life with the Key Comet and the blended orgasms I can get with it completely blow my mind,” Dizzygirl wrote. I ranked it as the #1 sex toy I tried in 2013 and explained, “this is simply a toy that comes very, very, disturbingly close to usurping one of the greatest G-spot dildos of all time . . . [it’s] one of the best straight-up G-spot . . . read more

It’s been three years since I reviewed the NobEssence Seduction (oh my god, I’m OLD), and in that time, my extreme fervor for this dildo may have gotten lost somewhere, confined to emails and little Twitter freakouts and cruel Tumblr ultimatums. But case in point: I once had a dream I got angry, accidentally broke my Seduction, and just started bawling. Luckily, I’ve found the perfect way to revive my love for the Seduction in Nuala MacMoragh, a reader who bought it based on my recommendation and was just as impressed. I asked her to take a photo of her Seduction, which is made of Padauk wood, and share her experience with y’all. After a little email banter about our mutual love . . . read more

Is there a VixSkin oversaturation point? I now own seven things made out of this dual-density silicone, yet I’m still impressed by its ability to make every shape of dildo better. Fact: VixSkin will spoil you. You will forget what life was like before it. It will eat you out of house and lube, and you won’t even care. The Vixen Creations Buck is no exception. In fact, although the material no longer shocks me with its squishy majesty, Buck is one of my favorite VixSkin dildos yet. I’m talking top three material. After much testing and many orgasms that I didn’t mean to have quite so quickly, I have “discovered” something that simply looking at the fucking toy would tell you . . . read more

[Wondering what I think of the other toys, Zwei and Drei, in the Stronic line?] There’s been a lot of pomp and hype surrounding the Fun Factory Stronic line: an alleged 18 months of development, a YouTube trailer filled with innuendo and no actual facts, a video of people racing the toys across a table, and a side-eye-inducing claim that 87% of women prefer them over vibrators. Listen, bub, you’re not gonna usurp vibrators in one fell swoop. You’re just not. But if anyone should be screaming “revolutionary!!!”, you know, for once, Fun Factory has actually earned it. The Stronic Eins feels nothing like any sex toy I’ve ever touched or put in my vagina. Where vibrators have a rotational motor, the Stronic . . . read more

Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially when the toys I love cost a pretty penny. But not this time. I flailed about the Jopen Comet G Wand less than two months ago, and I’m already getting reports back that peeps have bought and loved it. A reader named Alex sent me the sweetest, ego-stroking email thanking me for alerting her to toxic sex toy materials and iffy lube ingredients, the existence of good porn, and glass dildos. She bought the Crystal Delights Star Delight and Comet G Wand based on my reviews, and confessed, in perhaps the greatest compliment ever given to me, “my vagina thanks you from . . . read more

[The Comet G Wand has been replaced by the vibrating Comet II (review here). All links in this review now go to Comet II.] It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year. I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I mean, this is Jopen we’re talking about. Jopen, creators of the what-the-fuck that is the Intensity. Jopen, whose parent company is California Exotic. Jopen, who must think they are naming perfumes rather than vibrator lines (Key, Vanity). They’re not always the sharpest tool in the shed… but this is a motherfucking home run. The Comet G Wand is a beautiful conglomeration. It’s a glass dildo “dipped in body safe silicone,” conjuring delicious images of chocolate-covered cones . . . read more

You have come here wondering if the njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound and a half of medical-grade stainless steel can indeed change your — and your G-spot’s — life. The answer is yes. Holy fuck, yes. Your G-spot will never be the same. You don’t even know. You can’t comprehend. Buckets of ejaculate. A parade of buckets, if that is your aim. And lots and lots of moaning. This dildo will alter your perception of sexual pleasure forever. Measly words can’t adequately describe what the Pure Wand feels like. This is the most intense, overwhelming sex toy I’ve ever used. It is heavy, concentrated, and unrelenting. It steals my breath. It messes with . . . read more