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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

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The cream of the crop. The best of the best. Bow down to them.

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Tantus Magma, Tantus Splash, Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish, and Uberrime Jellyfish 2.0 lying on colorful striped canvas.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Jellyfish 2.0 + Magma

March 24, 2019
Being a veteran sex toy blogger is a pretty sweet deal sometimes. I get to live to see most of... Keep Reading
Tickler Toyfriend Smooth Operators Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy embedded in the snow, with little bits of grass poking out.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Smooth Operators (Snazzy, Choosy, and Classy)

February 28, 2018
Blink and you might pass right over them. They’re not terribly attractive, not revolutionary in function, not aggressively marketed. These... Keep Reading
Doc Johnson TruSkyn line: Tru Butt Plug Smooth, Tru Ride, Tru Feel, Tru Curve sitting on a black platter on top of a bed.
Anal ToysDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Doc Johnson TruSkyn

December 10, 2017
I should start with an apology, because when this line of sex toys came out, I mocked it. “Hahahahaha Doc... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.
DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Stronic G

November 19, 2017
Four years ago, my G-spot was forever changed by a revolutionary sex toy called the Stronic Eins. Not really a... Keep Reading
New York Toy Collective Carter silicone dildo on a nightstand, next to a golden lamp base and a floral tea cup.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Carter

February 25, 2017
I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter. Movement or not. No matter the external vibe.... Keep Reading
We-Vibe Rave rechargeable app-compatible G-spot vibrator on a reflective table.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rave

November 18, 2016
It was 10:15 am, just a bit before I needed to leave for work, when the We-Vibe Rave arrived in the... Keep Reading
Jopen Key Comet II Wand (bottom) with Comet G Wand in the snow.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Comet II Wand

April 19, 2014
Bloggers created a wave of hysteria following the release of the Jopen Key Comet G Wand. “It effortlessly strokes the... Keep Reading
NobEssence Seduction in Padauk wood, lying out in the sun.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Seduction

August 6, 2013
It’s been three years since I reviewed the NobEssence Seduction (oh my god, I’m OLD), and in that time, my... Keep Reading
Vixen Creations Buck dildo with a bunch of bananas. Accordingly, the dildo has a Chiquita sticker on it that says NATURAL NUTRITION.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Buck

July 10, 2013
Is there a VixSkin oversaturation point? I now own seven things made out of this dual-density silicone, yet I’m still... Keep Reading
Stronic Eins and the best ever tea towel, which reads "MASTURBATION: NO MATTER HOW YOU SAY IT" with a bunch of euphemisms in a circle around it.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Stronic Eins

April 24, 2013
There’s been a lot of pomp and hype surrounding the Fun Factory Stronic line: an alleged 18 months of development, a... Keep Reading
Jopen Key Comet G Wand dildo balanced on top of a heart-shaped bowl, courtesy of Alex.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Comet G Wand

April 15, 2013
Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially... Keep Reading
HELLO MY SWEET. The Comet G Wand lying on a colorful striped platter.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Comet G Wand

February 20, 2013
It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I... Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

July 26, 2010
You have come here wondering if the njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound... Keep Reading
Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Maverick

April 27, 2010
I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls — all of it. It... Keep Reading
Ophoria Beyond 3 dildo on a wooden floor.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Beyond 3

April 2, 2010
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very... Keep Reading
NobEssence Seduction among some green leaves.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Seduction

August 14, 2009
The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with... Keep Reading
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

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