Hell Yes: Stronic Eins

Person holding the Fun Factory Stronic Eins in front of a curtain.
Photo courtesy of Fun Factory.

I like thrusting, if you haven’t noticed, so I am drawn to this new majig from Fun Factory. The Stronic Eins, or Stronic One, is the first in a series of three toys in the “Pulsator” family. It has 10 different rhythms, ranging from long and slow to short and rapid. Awkwardly, the verb Fun Factory should probably be using is thrust, but they keep using pulsate, a word we’ve been using for years to refer to a certain type of vibration pattern. But this toy doesn’t vibrate at all:

A whole new kind of stimulation — instead of vibrating, this new kind of toy pulsates with powerful waves which deliver a real treat especially at the lowest frequencies. The powerful, naturalistic pulses are strong, unique but familiar as well. The innovative motor technology, in which solid metal moves in a hollow body, produces a pulsating, deep and thrusting rhythm.

The Pulsator line has been in development for 18 months (two babies!), and according to this press release, 87 percent of testers preferred the Pulsators to regular vibrators. Somehow I doubt that, but anyway, Fun Factory has produced this super-hip teaser video for the line, which mostly just makes the toys look like Shake Weights:

You know what I already love, though? That this isn’t a rabbit. Of course, it’s being billed as a dual stimulator, as Fun Factory is wont to do with its usual paltry protruding nubs, but everyone knows the truth.

Almost every single other “thrusting” vibrator in history has been a questionable rabbit made of rubber, TPR, or jelly. The shafts also tend to look like air mattress pumps. Reviews on the thrusting functions on these toys have been mixed, from “actually alright, a lot better than I imagined it would be” to “weak and frustrating […] pretty much pointless” to “absolutely fantastic.”

For a while, I thought I wanted one of Cal Exotic’s various “passion wave” toys, with their rolling wave motions, but then I decided not to stoop. Now I really don’t have to. (Sidenote: I dare you to watch the video for the Passion Wave Teaser directly after watching the Fun Factory video above. It is an appalling juxtaposition.)

Eschewing the fact that Fun Factory calls this toy a “womanizer” and claims that it “simulates the natural movements of lovemaking” (because that is ALL THAT VIBRATORS SHOULD DO! MIMIC HETERO MARRIED LOVEMAKING!), and that it only comes in purple and fucking pink, and that it’s gonna cost like $200… I want it. The way this thing writhes, it’s either going to be awesome — or a complete disaster. Always the sex toy masochist, I must find out which it is.

Get the Stronic of your choice (*cough* G) at SheVibe, Spectrum Boutique, Enby, Good Vibes, Babeland, Fun Factory, Smitten KittenLovehoney (international), or Come As You Are (Canada).