Wipe the stars from your eyes. Dash your dreams. Give up all hope. It sounds perfect on paper: a beautiful marrying of motion and vibration. A self-thrusting shaft and a vibrating clitoral stimulator all in one sex toy, from the company that brought us the truly innovative and actually life-altering Stronic Eins. I was optimistic, believe me, just like you. But oh my god, the Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion is a deeply disappointing sex toy. Its insertable portion is flawless — that’s the hard truth — but its clitoral portion is absolutely unforgivable. Terrible aim, dismal vibrations. We have here an ingenious thing wrecked by an ill-fated modification, like dill pickle soup made with too much pickle juice, or Facebook now that your racist relatives are allowed to . . . read more

Fun Factory has a whole host of new stuff! There’s Miss Bi, a dual vibe with two strong-ass motors; Calice, an oddly-shaped mini vibe (my girlfriend: “it’s like someone said, make it look like a penis AND a vulva“), and Bi Stronic Fusion [update: I reviewed it here!] a Stronic/vibe hybrid. Spareparts Hardwear, makers of the most durable underwear-style harness on the market as well as my fave harness, now have a boxer briefs harness! And New York Toy Collective has an uncircumcised dildo: Ellis! Tantus recently released the Duchess, a dual-density version of their Duke, as well as the Starter and Gary. Yes, Gary. A dildo named Gary. LELO just remembered that prostates exist and have unveiled the Loki (aka Butt Mona), Bruno/Hugo, and Loki Wave. . . . read more

No matter what I say in the rest of this review, the fact will always remain: the Fun Factory Stronics make me come like a motherfucker. Like, this is a persistent, undeniable problem. And it’s embarrassing. I’m a sex toy reviewer. I should be able to control my orgasms. But the thrusting motion — coupled with some epic clitoral stimulation — does me in every time. Too quickly. I lose count of my orgasms. I get delirious. The Stronic Eins shook the world wide open last year with its revolutionary (and you know me, I don’t throw that word around) back-and-forth “pulsating” technology. At $190 a pop, I was dubious, but the Shake Weight-like movement jostled my G-spot perfectly and I fell in love. . . . read more

You’ve all been waiting with baited breath, I’m sure, to find out who won my Stronic Eins giveaway. So I will torture you no further. The winner is Natty! Only a few entrants took my challenge to make a GIF or Vine of themselves using a household object to imitate the movement of the Stronic Eins, but they all amused me greatly. I mean, look at the resemblance between the Stronic Eins and this GIF from Sexxxay: Of course, I was hoping for a cat, but if it had to be a canine dog, a pug is a good choice. I love the attention to detail, with the Fun Factory logo and plus and minus buttons. Very nice. Much thanks again . . . read more

ALRIGHT PEOPLE. On Wednesday, I gave a sickeningly glowing endorsement to a $200 sex toy, and my reviewer’s guilt is setting in. No matter how epic a sex toy is, I always feel a little uneasy telling people to spend such large chunks of hard-earned money on them. So I concocted an ingenious plan that both washes away my guilt and makes one of you very happy: give one of the motherfuckers away. SheVibe was happy to agree to my insane demands (and quickly, too, almost as if I was holding a gun to their heads), and so I offer to you, my peeps, a free $200 Stronic Eins thrusting sex toy in the color of your choice. Ahh, I feel better . . . read more

[Wondering what I think of the other toys, Zwei and Drei, in the Stronic line?] There’s been a lot of pomp and hype surrounding the Fun Factory Stronic line: an alleged 18 months of development, a YouTube trailer filled with innuendo and no actual facts, a video of people racing the toys across a table, and a side-eye-inducing claim that 87% of women prefer them over vibrators. Listen, bub, you’re not gonna usurp vibrators in one fell swoop. You’re just not. But if anyone should be screaming “revolutionary!!!”, you know, for once, Fun Factory has actually earned it. The Stronic Eins feels nothing like any sex toy I’ve ever touched or put in my vagina. Where vibrators have a rotational motor, the Stronic . . . read more

[Update: I reviewed it!] I like thrusting, if you haven’t noticed, so I am drawn to this new majig from Fun Factory. The Stronic Eins, or Stronic One, is the first in a series of three toys in the “Pulsator” family. It has 10 different rhythms, ranging from long and slow to short and rapid. Awkwardly, the verb Fun Factory should probably be using is thrust, but they keep using pulsate, a word we’ve been using for years to refer to a certain type of vibration pattern. But this toy doesn’t vibrate at all: A whole new kind of stimulation — instead of vibrating, this new kind of toy pulsates with powerful waves which deliver a real treat especially at the lowest . . . read more