Movie Night

In which I watch (and make fun of) movies and documentaries about sex toys, porn, and other relevant topics.

Movie Night: Dildo Diaries

Movie Night: Dildo Diaries

Dildo Diaries (2002) and the Downunder Toys Hot Banana Rod. Buying a sex toy is a snap these days. Simply type “adult shop” into your Yelp app, or enter the product name into Google, and in mere seconds you can find a place to purchase the dildo or vibrator of your desires. We take this for granted. I take it for granted. But as recently as 9 years ago, it wasn’t that easy — especially in the South. Dildo Diaries (2002) is a documentary chronicling the absurdity of Texas’ anti-sex toy legislation. Directed by Laura Barton and Judy Wilder, it’s a joyous defense of our right to purchase and use sex toys. It’s also an invaluable historical artifact, a reminder that in . . . read more

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was as a teenager, look no further than the 2-star review of The Girl Next Door that I wrote for my high school newspaper when it hit theaters in April 2004. “Just about everything is unrealistic,” I complained, “except maybe how horny everybody is.” I was 17, and like all 17-year-olds, I wanted to be above the inanity of this movie. But the inanity is what makes this movie great. The Girl Next Door 1 is about Matthew (Emile Hirsch), an awkward overachiever, his friends Eli (Chris Marquette) and Klitzy (Paul Dano), and the life lessons they learn and hijinks they pull when they meet his new neighbor, Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert), who used to . . . read more

Movie Night: Missionary Positions

Movie Night: Missionary Positions

Missionary Positions is a documentary from 2005 about a quaint pair of minister dudes, Craig and Mike, who had a ~crazy~ idea: to, uh, do something about the uh, problem of porn. Or something. It’s kind of murky. I don’t think even they know what their focus is. The movie actually begins with Mike saying, “most people don’t believe it, but Craig and I are ordained ministers.” The idea for the enterprise came to Mike while he was in the shower — a story he likes to tell time and again at his talks as though it isn’t the most skeezy basis for an anti-porn ministry ever. And I quote: I do a lot of thinking and praying in the shower . . . . read more

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