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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

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Plz give me your opinion, thx.

Latest
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  • A to Z
Collage of various toys. Pick a sex toy, any sex toy!
Sound Off!

Poll: Which toys should I try?

February 19, 2017
It’s been a while since I sat down and scouted out new sex toys to review. Usually I grab items...
Keep Reading
Tweet reads, "I just thought of an awesome slogan for my site: 'Where sex toys go to be judged.'"
Sound Off!

Should I change my slogan?

December 5, 2011
There are a lot of things about this blog that were decided on a whim. For instance, the domain name....
Keep Reading
My new Facebook fan page.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesSound Off!True Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

I’m sick of you, Facebook

February 14, 2011
Facebook hates sex bloggers. This is well-established. They’ve disabled my account twice now. The first time, they told me I...
Keep Reading
Epiphora's best sex toys of 2010
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuidesSound Off!

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2010

December 31, 2010
I’m starting a tradition, peeps! Every year around this time, I’m gonna make a list of my top and bottom...
Keep Reading
Poll results. You want the snark, don't you?
Sound Off!

Poll: What should I post next?

December 2, 2010
People! Friends! I’m finally back! I am now with a different host and hopefully should have very little or no...
Keep Reading
BanterSound Off!

Holiday giving wishlist

December 4, 2009
This year, I thought I’d participate in the holiday wishlist meme. I’ve already been able to grant some of Ashley’s...
Keep Reading
Welcome to my life. Sex toys all around, a laptop, measuring tape, coffee, batteries...
BanterBlogger LyfeSound Off!

Where to go from here

November 6, 2009
Passing the one-year mark on this blog has led me to think a lot about what I should change around...
Keep Reading
GiveawaysSound Off!

Vote for the Pure Wand winner!

September 5, 2009
A month ago, I began a very hardcore contest called What would you do for a Pure Wand?. I decided...
Keep Reading

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.

Review: Fascinator Shag Throw

Sex toy reviewer spread: camera, laptop, to-do list, and sex toys everywhere.

The secret truth about sex toy reviewing

Minn kGoal kegel exerciser vibrator and my Android phone

Review: kGoal

Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.

Review: Stronic G

Pills spilled on an orange surface.

The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft

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