coming out

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I'm a sex blogger

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

The memory’s a bit of a blur now, but almost 7 years ago, I was standing in the bathroom at my parents’ house, mentally preparing myself to tell them I had a sex blog. I knew everything would be okay in the end, and it was — but I could’ve never anticipated just how genuinely my parents, and my mom in particular, would come to encourage and champion this unorthodox career. Coming out as a sex blogger was my second coming out. My first took place at age 14, when I wrote a letter to my parents confessing that I liked girls. Eons later, two years after revealing my sex blog, I came out as non-monogamous. Today, my mom is my . . . read more

A decade of sex blogging

A decade of sex blogging

Cupcake butt plug and Shilo. The cliché is true — it feels like just yesterday and like forever ago. This week marks 10 years since I first published a review of a sex toy on the internet. It was fall 2007, my junior year of college. That summer, I’d moved out of the dorms and into my first apartment. I was 20 years old, almost 21. If you’d asked me what my career was going to be, I would’ve hesitated and posited, “…writer? I hope?” A cautious optimism underneath which lied a practical fear. A fear that I could never make a living with writing, that I’d end up in an office job, probably, and that the only skill I’d spent my . . . read more

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I'm queer

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

I’ve had to come out to my parents more than once. When I was 14, I wrote them a letter confessing that I was in love with my female best friend. Almost exactly 5 years ago, I revealed that I was a sex blogger. Then, a little while later, I told them I was non-monogamous and introduced them to my girlfriend, Aerie. (My other partner is my boyfriend of 12 years.) While some parents might begrudgingly acknowledge these identities, my parents go beyond that. My mom, in particular, is remarkable. She doesn’t realize how radical it is for her to embrace who I am with not just acceptance, but active encouragement and genuine love. She’s a very “live and let live” . . . read more

The pinnacle of relief

The pinnacle of relief

I got my chance to tell my parents about my work sooner than I expected. They invited me over for dinner, and something kept saying to me, “this is time.” So I bought a tiny bottle of Absolut Citron, made a playlist for my iPod, set up my ancient phone so I could send texts to Twitter, and drove. I felt oddly at ease. I had expected my mind to race with the myriad ways of explaining to my parents that I have a sex blog, but I didn’t obsess. I only had time for seven songs, but it was a good mix — “Here, Here, and Here” by Meg & Dia, “Independence” by The Band Perry, “Leave” by R.E.M., . . . read more

To tell the truth

To tell the truth

If you had asked me years ago if I was ever going to tell my parents about my blog, I would’ve scoffed at you. And in fact, I basically did that in written form in May of 2010. I know what will happen when I tell my mom: she’ll want to read the blog. She will pester me for the URL. Who knows — she might even go searching for it. And the knowledge of her reading this could really, really damage my desire to keep writing, and my love for this blog. I’m just not comfortable with her reading it (and no, telling her that would not be enough to keep her from snooping). . . . I would . . . read more

Why I won't be coming out any time soon

Why I won’t be coming out any time soon

My mom is having a sex toy party. I knew the moment I read the email that I wanted to go. I poked around the company’s website, relieved to find their store not completely dependent on shitty jelly toys. Then I tweeted. “My mom does not know I review,” I wrote, “so I will have to pretend I know nothing. It may be very difficult, but I still want to go.” I was surprised that this lead to several tweets urging me to tell her. maybe it would serve as a good opportunity to come out to her? Tell her. You might be surprised. My mom tests some things for me once in a while 🙂 Maybe the party is . . . read more

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