Dildo Diaries (2002) and the Downunder Toys Hot Banana Rod. Buying a sex toy is a snap these days. Simply type “adult shop” into your Yelp app, or enter the product name into Google, and in mere seconds you can find a place to purchase the dildo or vibrator of your desires. We take this for granted. I take it for granted. But as recently as 9 years ago, it wasn’t that easy — especially in the South. Dildo Diaries (2002) is a documentary chronicling the absurdity of Texas’ anti-sex toy legislation. Directed by Laura Barton and Judy Wilder, it’s a joyous defense of our right to purchase and use sex toys. It’s also an invaluable historical artifact, a reminder that in . . . read more

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong? I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known about this vibrator for years; people like to excitedly email me and alert me to its existence, flailing about its supposed oscillation and “low” price of $40. It has happened often enough for me to become sufficiently jaded about it. So, last year, while sitting in Joan Price’s senior sex workshop at Woodhull, I was sadly unsurprised when a male member of the audience piped up to mention My Celebrator… as an alternative to Joan’s (and my, and a lot of peoples’) beloved Eroscillator. Because… you know… dudes know these things. There were at least six sex . . . read more

I feel bad for celebrities. You’ll never hear me say that again. But they got the Afterglow in their goodie bags at the Oscars, and this is not what a good sex toy is. Not even close. Not even in the same hemisphere. (Tegan & Sara, if you’re reading this, I will personally buy each of you a Pure Wand to make up for this travesty.) It’s a gimmick: the Afterglow stimulates with vibration and light energy. That’s as simply as I can put it. If you want to thoroughly roll your eyes, here’s a video about the “science,” but the bottom line is, light energy. As in lasers. As in immeasurable. Therein lies the scam: this is nothing more than a mediocre, overpriced rabbit vibrator invented by a . . . read more

I’ve seen a ton of presumptuous sex toy marketing in my day, but I’d never seen a sex toy that so audaciously attempted to convince me of its superiority — until the Revel Body. As I unboxed it, I came upon an organza bag containing what appeared to be a cheap white slimline vibrator already loaded with batteries. A piece of cardboard explained: “compare Revel Body to the standard competitor model.” Oh. Oh really. It also came with a branded jump drive. I was hoping it would be like 1998 when I’d get a CD and put it in the computer to find sweet easter eggs. Sadly, it only contained photos, press releases, and a video in which dudes look . . . read more

For those of you who were unable to attend CatalystCon last weekend, I’m making the panel I was on, “Will Write for Dildos: How and Why Companies and Reviewers Should Work Together,” available in both audio and written form right here! While I understand this is the ultimate TL;DR, it’s also HELLA APPLICABLE. So if you can stuff it onto your iPod or phone or Kindle and read it on the toilet or listen to it in the car, do that. There are tons of great nuggets of info in this panel — we learned that Jenna keeps a secret spy file about all of our genitals, why I sometimes seem unnecessarily bitter in my reviews, and which analogy Lorax . . . read more

I hate pink. Always have. Based on pure shudder-factor, my aversion to pink ranks somewhere below my trypophobia but above my distaste for whiskey and the word “panties.” When I mention the color, I do little to conceal my disgust. I sigh about its inevitability and express mock-excitement over it. My hate is documented, understood. This color snobbery helps me curate my sex toy collection. By always mercilessly begging firmly asking for the color I want, I’ve managed to avoid a lot of pink stuff. But the pink toys I do own — I look at them and feel regret. There are two big reasons why I hate pink: it’s aesthetically ugly, and I abhor its connotations. Perhaps I find it ugly because of its connotations, but nonetheless, I don’t enjoy looking at it. Hot . . . read more

Women! Have you been wondering how to avoid that pesky group of chemicals called phthalates that are often used to soften cheap sex toys? Are you skeptical of those who tell you to simply buy phthalate-free toys? Don’t worry your pretty little head any longer — A Man™ has the solution you long for: “Forget That Soft Sex Toy and Find a Real Man.” The reason is clear. Phthalates can potentially cause health problems, while men do not: Instead of using those soft plastic dildos or sex toys, finding a real man could take care of this problem. Men do not cause multiple organ failure unless they stress you until you take to excessive alcohol drinking and smoking. Men are . . . read more

I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A’ight, sounds sex-positive and cool. I’m there. The site is straight out of 1995, but the hymen gallery looks good. Hmm, the webmaster also gives sex advice to youngins; that’s cool… …wait a second. Did this guy just say that people who have anal sex “frequently get feces and anal matter all over”? Did he actually just say that anal sex is “the most dangerous sexual practice” and that “it will hurt, and you will probably bleed profusely”? Did he really just use the argument that the butt is for poop and poop only? Oh man, this guy . . . read more