sex machine

Also known as “fucking machines.”

Review: Rumble Seat

Review: Rumble Seat

The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat in front of my sex toy closet. When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want the response to be “that looks like a toilet.” But that’s where I was. I was the guy bringing the sex machine to the party, and my sex machine immediately turned everyone off. One guest stated bluntly, “that’s not attractive enough to fuck, not at all.” “It looks like something a toddler would sit on,” another added. Nobody disputed it. Clearly, we were all super aroused. The subject in question was the Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, and it was getting quite the icy reception for a contraption that retails for . . . read more

When sex bloggers party

When sex bloggers party

Yes, we play with dildos, but not in the way you think… DILDO TUG OF WAR!!! A video posted by Epiphora (@heyepiphora) on Dec 27, 2013 at 9:05pm PST Yes, we ride sex machines, but it is not very sexual. I just want to share the wealth that is the Sybian, and everyone’s curious about whether it feels like $1,300 of awesome. For many of my sex blogger friends, I am given the distinct honor and privilege of controlling the dial while they ride. I can now die happy. "I feel like Howard Stern right now" –@Epiphora — JoEllen Notte (@JoEllenNotte) December 28, 2013 We all agree that there is a point, somewhere after about 60% power, where we start . . . read more

A day in the life of a sex toy reviewer

A day in the life of a sex toy reviewer

“Glamorous” is not at all a word I would use to describe my life, yet the world continues thinking my days are filled with orgasms and sunshine. My job is sweet, I’ll give you that, but unless your definition of “glamorous” includes Photoshopping hairs off dildos, it’s not usually thrilling. On Friday, December 6th, I had the idea to document my day for your consumption. While this day didn’t include one of my signature marathon masturbation sessions, it was filled with many mundane yet very characteristic-of-my-life tasks, such as answering an avalanche of emails, tirelessly photographing sex toys, wrangling a sneaky cat, preparing a post, and yes — masturbating. 9:00 am: I wake up to see it snowing outside. The first . . . read more

Today in my life... a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian sex machine

Today in my life… a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian sex machine

In this episode of True Life: I’m a Sex Toy Reviewer, I am in disbelief as I unbox this sex machine, because I still don’t believe that someone would send this to me, ever, let alone for free… But there it is. A Sybian. In all its hulking glory. Safe and sound, with the grotesque attachments neatly folded into a ziploc. It’s smaller than I imagined, but still quite a beast. It’s heavy, it’s loud, and the puny “handles” on the sides are laughable. I don’t know where I’m going to store it, and my boyfriend will never forgive me for acquiring yet another huge sex accessory. Too bad. If someone offers you a Sybian, you say yes. This is law. You . . . read more

Review: Rock Box

Review: Rock Box

Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I had to apply to review without knowing much beyond the fact that it was THE WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL SEX TOY!!!1!!1. Considering that phrase no longer means anything to me, undeterred and with a flourish, I wrote in the application box: I like to ROCK. And I have a lot of Aerosmith I could listen to whilst using the Rock Box. Apparently that was good enough, because Lovehoney sent me the Rock Box. Which is approximately ten times more ridiculous than I imagined it would be. The Hitachi is often called a power tool, but the Rock Box takes that shit to . . . read more

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