Oct 052009
 

The Impulse Fantasy Kit was supposed to be the answer to my need for more power than the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet provides. Same company, same bullet shape, only the Impulse Fantasy Kit takes a whopping 4 AAs instead of 2. I got the idea into my head that I was going to get my mitts on the Kit, despite its discontinued status and unavailability at reputable online retailers.

First I bought it from Do U Want 2 Play, but they refunded me upon realizing they didn’t even have any in stock. Instead of taking that as a sign, I went and bought it from yet another sketchy online shop, Hearts Desire (by the way, I recommend neither website for purchasing sex toys. I was desperate.). When the Impulse Fantasy Kit finally came, I was excited for about .5 seconds… until I loaded the batteries in and turned it on. As the bullet pulsed loudly in my palm, I read the front of the controller:

PROGRAMS

1 — Foreplay. 2 — Tease. 3 — Arouse. 4 — Zoom. 5 — Wave. 6 — Pulsation. 7 — Vibration. 8 — Random. 9 — Racer. 10 — Climax.

7?! I have to cycle through 6 fucking vibration patterns to get to constant vibration? My god, who comes up with this shit? Amateur radio operators?

It was clear: the Impulse Fantasy Kit is the opposite of what I wanted. Without constant vibration in slot numero uno, this toy is entirely useless to me. And it’s my fault. This is the first (and last) time I’ve bought something that nobody has ever reviewed. I’ve learned my lesson, that’s for sure. If something is discontinued and has no reviews… there’s a reason.

  • Rose

    Jesus, poor thing!! 0_0 I am so sorry…that seriously is a bag full of suck right there!!

  • Toygirl

    Divine Intervention through a store called Do U Want 2 Play? I have now seen it all.

  • Ok BUT…..was it more powerful?!?

  • @Lilly: Yes, it’s more powerful, but I’d rather have less power than to cycle through 6 patterns every time I turn it on. I turn my toys off a lot during use.

    @Toygirl: LOL, YES.

  • Discontinued toys is like lingerie on the clearance rack- they’re probably there for a reason. :-p

  • I’m sorry!

  • Saraid

    Well, it could have been fun if the foreplay mode made it morph into a hot person who would play with your clit. As is, yeah, pass.

  • Wilhelmina

    i am very interested as to what “zoom” and “racer” do…

  • Selective Sensualist

    Just curious — do you still use your Xtreme Pack G-Spot Bullet? If so, do you just stick with the compartment that comes with it or have you found a better solution?

  • @Selective Sensualist: It was usurped by the Eroscillator. 🙂

  • Bri

    All those setting names are hilarious, that is a lot of options to go thru to get what you want.

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