Dec 092014
 

OVO L1 Silicone Love BallsMy rollercoaster ride with the OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls began one fateful afternoon in August.

Days before, I’d sweated my ass off cleaning and organizing my garage. But it was not completely The Worst, because I had the LELO Luna Beads in my vag. They jiggled and joggled as I hauled boxes back and forth, reminding me that life was perhaps worth living despite the creeping despair that comes with realizing you own way too much goddamn stuff.

Then, a few days later, I put in the OVO kegel balls, hoping to replicate the experience as I continued packing for my new home. And… I promptly forgot they were in. They were in for many hours, and I was doing strenuous work, yet they did not shiver, they did not stimulate. Several times, I half-assedly considered taking them out, but then went back to whatever I was doing. The only reason I remembered to remove them before I went to bed was because I saw the string dangling out of my vag when I went to pee.

This has not always been my experience. A week ago I wore them all day as I journeyed to the vet, to the recycling center, and to Target, and I did feel them jiggle some of the time. A few days ago, my boyfriend recorded drums while I did the vag ball dance to the beat, and they rolled around in response. I think I can feel the silver balls (which weigh 90 grams) more easily than the blue clear balls (70 grams).

I was starting to feel like maybe I should give the OVO balls an okay review. With a price tag of $17.99, you’d be forgiven for wanting to snatch them up just to try them. But a plot twist was yet to come.

I knew something was amiss when I first took them out of the box and realized they look ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like the digitally-rendered versions of themselves. The silver balls are chintzy, easily scratched, and have visible seams. The white silicone holster seems like an unfinished art project — the retrieval string (which is stupidly stretchy, because of course it is) has jagged edges and a stupid gem tacked onto the end for no apparent reason, all of which irritate my vulva in use.

Chipping silver paint and broken open OVO L1 Silicone Love BallsThen, as I was finishing this review and examining the OVO balls more closely, I noticed that the silver coating was chipping off. A few drags with my thumbnail over the surface and even more started flaking all over my fingers. Um, fuck that shit. Nobody needs a sex toy with gross silver cancer paint — I don’t care how cheap it is.

My vagina is getting tired, y’all. I’ve tried damn near every kegel ball in existence, and few are worthwhile. I couldn’t feel the Hold On To MeLuna Beads Mini, Maia balls, or Toyfriend Trainers. The Key Stella II nudges my cervix too much. The Vanity VR1 promised innovation and did not deliver. Evi is just a rigid blob. The Je Joue Ami set was okay but not at all worth $59. And the OVO balls are really badly constructed at least — harmful at worst.

My advice? Stick to the California Exotic kegel balls for $19.99, made with nothing more than non-porous plastic and pure silicone. The rumbly rolling sensation is very easily felt in that set, similarly to my favorite but more expensive LELO Luna Beads. The retrieval string is obnoxiously stretchy, because of course it is, but at least it doesn’t have weird edges and an unnecessary jewel.

And unlike the OVO balls, they won’t shed silver flakes into your vagina.

[I originally received this product from SheVibe, but they
have pulled it from their site due to this review. They rule.]

  • These balls are gross. I hope you didn’t get silver paint flakes in your vag. I have the Tracey Cox kegel balls that look like they’re a pink version of the Couture Eclipse balls and I can’t feel them. Still have yet to try the Luna Beads. Maybe I’ll feel those.

  • Sonofabitch. I saw a majority of the OVO line in a store and while I wasn’t, you know, blown away……it was all better than other equally priced brands. Some items are dumb in design but there’s enough there to give me leeway when someone has a super tight budget. Plus a 15 year warranty is unheard of.

    I’d handled these in the store. I could only see the colored balls but the store version looked okay. Okay enough that I wanted to review them and expected I could give them high marks. Holding them in my hand, they seemed to provide as much feedback as the Luna Beads.

  • Julz

    So I bought an OVO vibrator a while ago. Marketed as silicone and yet, my pure white vibe with a purple stripe is now a lavender colored vibe with a darker purple stripe. After the first wash the purple bled onto the white and I’ve just been grossed out ever since.

  • Uh, ew. #no

  • Shiny metallic coatings on plastic products is my pet hate, but considering even Lelo does it on its Insignia line it’s not something I see going away any time soon. It always strikes me as being incredibly naff, like the foil lining inside plastic crisp packets. If you want something to look like metal then you should just make it out of metal, instead of having it pretend to be something that it’s not. It conveys this instant air of cheapness, like someone in the design meeting said “wouldn’t this look amazing in metal?” and another guy chirped up “that’s kinda expensive, let’s just fake it with paint to cut costs.” That’s the message it sends to me every time, that cost-cutting has been prioritised in the production. I feel more confident when products are just honest about what they are at whatever price point they’re trying to hit, and then you avoid these stupid situations with coatings flaking off. Judging from disparity with the rendered images though, honesty isn’t an overriding factor with this particular item.

  • Sarah

    So what are the clear blue balls in the photos? Luna Beads?

    I had been tempted by these, thank you for saving me.

  • No, the blue balls are part of the OVO set. It comes with blue ones (70 grams) and silver ones (90 grams).

  • Stabbin Robots

    Nasty! Have you tried the Fun Factory Teneo balls? I can only speak to the duo, but I can *definitely* feel them. They’re actually a trifle big for me to wear too often for too long, but then again, my vag is a pussy.

  • I have some really old ones. Never cared for them too much. The newer ones might be better.

  • I can’t recall whether there were the ones that hurt like hell or not.

  • I used to have the original version, which were a lot more similar in design to the current ones than the most recent old version, if that makes any sense. Overall I found them too big across the board, and being trapped into the single OR double with no interchangeability always bugged me. They’re now AWFUL but they’re pretty unremarkable, I feel.

  • Rusty

    That’s not paint flaking off of those, it’s actually a thin layer of metal, most likely aluminum. To get a finish on plastic like that, it undergoes a process called vacuum metallizing or vacuum deposition. All those shiny gold, chrome, copper colored finishes you see on plastic products? Yeah, very thin layers of metals deposited in a vacuum on the surfaces then coated with a protective coating. Obviously not a very durable protective coating as seen in the example in the review, it can also be removed easily with common household cleaners. The process has existed for quite some time and I’m sure hasn’t gotten any more body safe in the decades since

  • This is great information — thank you!

/* ]]> */