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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Announcements

Hey Epiphora delivered to your Kindle

May 24, 2012
Dudes! You can now subscribe to my blog on your Kindle! After you subscribe, my full blog posts will be...
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Interview with me, Epiphora, in XBIZ Premiere magazine!
AnnouncementsFeaturesInterviews

Interview in XBIZ Premiere magazine!

April 9, 2012
Guys! I have news! I was interviewed in the April issue of XBIZ Premiere, a prominent adult industry magazine, for...
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Announcements

Hey Epiphora goes mobile!

October 20, 2011
I know what happens, peeps. You’re standing in line for a concert, or waiting for decades at DMV, and you’re...
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The glorious stainless steel njoy Pure Wand lying in its fancy box.
Announcements

It’s not a free Pure Wand, but I tried

September 18, 2011
When Sexcuse Moi asked if I wanted to do a special promotion and offer a discount on a certain toy,...
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AnnouncementsBanter

The best Christmas list ever

December 20, 2010
This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I’ve seen in quite a while: I mean, does...
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Courtney Trouble
AnnouncementsGiveaways

It’s Courtney Trouble week!

February 1, 2010
If you don’t know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that. Creator of the groundbreaking queer porn site...
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Announcements

A little hiatus

December 21, 2009
Christmas is coming up fast this week, which means several days of festivities for me. I know a lot of...
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Announcements

Hey Epiphora’s new home

January 14, 2009
It’s true, I’ve moved! I know; I’m still just a wee one in the sex blogosphere, but that didn’t stop...
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Old sex toy box from above.
Announcements

Caving in

October 7, 2008
I never thought I would become a “sex blogger.” Mainly because I don’t write very much erotica, and I somehow...
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1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Lowe Aurora, a sex toy that provides "low-level laser treatments" to the vulva

This sex toy will “rejuvenate” your pitiful vulva for just $850

My pink sex toys all together. YOU REPULSE ME.

The color most likely to send me on a murderous rampage

BlissMe vibrators: Mr. Cowboy, Mr. U.K., Mr. Right, Mr. Badboy, and Mr. C.E.O

Um, No: BlissMe vibrators with… personalities

Review: Turn Me On Vibrating Panties

Tiny dildos from Tantus, Bad Dragon and Fun Factory standing up on a wooden display shelf.

Review: Tiny Dildos

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