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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Announcements

Oldest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Old sex toy box from above.
Announcements

Caving in

October 7, 2008
I never thought I would become a “sex blogger.” Mainly because I don’t write very much erotica, and I somehow...
Keep Reading
Announcements

Hey Epiphora’s new home

January 14, 2009
It’s true, I’ve moved! I know; I’m still just a wee one in the sex blogosphere, but that didn’t stop...
Keep Reading
Announcements

A little hiatus

December 21, 2009
Christmas is coming up fast this week, which means several days of festivities for me. I know a lot of...
Keep Reading
Courtney Trouble
AnnouncementsGiveaways

It’s Courtney Trouble week!

February 1, 2010
If you don’t know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that. Creator of the groundbreaking queer porn site...
Keep Reading
AnnouncementsBanter

The best Christmas list ever

December 20, 2010
This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I’ve seen in quite a while: I mean, does...
Keep Reading
The glorious stainless steel njoy Pure Wand lying in its fancy box.
Announcements

It’s not a free Pure Wand, but I tried

September 18, 2011
When Sexcuse Moi asked if I wanted to do a special promotion and offer a discount on a certain toy,...
Keep Reading
Announcements

Hey Epiphora goes mobile!

October 20, 2011
I know what happens, peeps. You’re standing in line for a concert, or waiting for decades at DMV, and you’re...
Keep Reading
Interview with me, Epiphora, in XBIZ Premiere magazine!
AnnouncementsFeaturesInterviews

Interview in XBIZ Premiere magazine!

April 9, 2012
Guys! I have news! I was interviewed in the April issue of XBIZ Premiere, a prominent adult industry magazine, for...
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Announcements

Hey Epiphora delivered to your Kindle

May 24, 2012
Dudes! You can now subscribe to my blog on your Kindle! After you subscribe, my full blog posts will be...
Keep Reading
AnnouncementsGiveaways

Subscribe to Epiphora’s Snark Digest!

October 1, 2012
I’m doing something nuts, peeps. I’m starting a newsletter. You may have heard little rumblings about this on Twitter, but...
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Announcements

Love for HostGator — and 40% off hosting

October 22, 2012
I don’t tend to post about sales, usually keeping things isolated on my sales & deals page. But since this...
Keep Reading
CatalystCon logo
Announcements

Meet me at CatalystCon!

January 17, 2013
I got some of the best news of possibly my life a few days ago. I’M GOING TO CATALYST. I...
Keep Reading
A grid of my fancy business cards laid out on the floor.
Announcements

Armed and ready for Catalyst

March 11, 2013
You guys, CatalystCon is happening. Like, really soon. In just a couple days, I will be traveling alone for the...
Keep Reading
CatalystCon logo
Announcements

I’m speaking at CatalystCon West!

June 14, 2013
You can thank Lorax Of Sex for roping me into this one! Time was running out on the speaking deadline...
Keep Reading
DILDOS A-FLYING next to me as a superhero, with my sidekick cats Truth and Sweet Justice.
AnnouncementsBanterSunshine & Rainbows

How I became a dildo-wielding superhero

July 15, 2013
I have arrived. Really, truly. The folks at SheVibe made me into a superhero. I didn’t ask them for this....
Keep Reading
The Feminist Porn Book lying on top of my suitcase, with the LELO Mona 2 and some business cards.
Announcements

On my way to CatalystCon West

September 24, 2013
In 15 hours, I will be touching down in Los Angeles for CatalystCon West. Yes, two days early. Shut it....
Keep Reading
1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."

Review: Flash

Me holding the Diva Cup silicone menstrual cup, with appropriately blood-colored polish on my fingernails.

Review: Diva Cup

A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion pulsator on an ornate rug.

Review: Bi Stronic Fusion

Wobbling Willy, a magenta dildo with a bobble head attached.

What, you don’t want a dildo with your boyfriend’s face on it?

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