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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Announcements

Random
  • Latest
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  • Random
  • A to Z
Microphone in front of a computer, with some pretty red lighting in the back.
AnnouncementsFeaturesInterviews

All the names I dropped on Sex Out Loud radio

April 4, 2014
It occurred to me, 30 minutes after my interview with Tristan Taormino for Sex Out Loud Radio aired today (and...
Keep Reading
Me working on a very early layout for my blog design. Toys left to right: Uberrime Splendid (large), Blush Sweet Rush, Portland Toy Company Trinket.
AnnouncementsBanterBlogger Lyfe

My big summer project: a blog overhaul

May 18, 2019
In middle school, while others played wall ball, I taught myself basic HTML. I was one of the kids staying...
Keep Reading
Courtney Trouble
AnnouncementsGiveaways

It’s Courtney Trouble week!

February 1, 2010
If you don’t know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that. Creator of the groundbreaking queer porn site...
Keep Reading
The Business of Blogging About Sex is back! Me and JoEllen Notte looking cute and erady to teach.
Announcements

Calling aspiring sex bloggers: my online class is back!

May 22, 2017
Do you dream of becoming a sex blogger — or becoming a better sex blogger? Like the idea of an...
Keep Reading
CatalystCon logo
Announcements

Meet me at CatalystCon!

January 17, 2013
I got some of the best news of possibly my life a few days ago. I’M GOING TO CATALYST. I...
Keep Reading
The Business of Blogging About Sex
Announcements

Let me teach you The Business of Blogging About Sex!

July 8, 2015
I have a proposition for you, peeps. If you’ve ever wanted to start a sex blog, or take your current...
Keep Reading
Announcements

A little hiatus

December 21, 2009
Christmas is coming up fast this week, which means several days of festivities for me. I know a lot of...
Keep Reading
AnnouncementsGiveaways

Subscribe to Epiphora’s Snark Digest!

October 1, 2012
I’m doing something nuts, peeps. I’m starting a newsletter. You may have heard little rumblings about this on Twitter, but...
Keep Reading
A grid of my fancy business cards laid out on the floor.
Announcements

Armed and ready for Catalyst

March 11, 2013
You guys, CatalystCon is happening. Like, really soon. In just a couple days, I will be traveling alone for the...
Keep Reading
Announcements

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

November 22, 2017
GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. I’m here to help you get the best Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals on sex toys!...
Keep Reading
Announcements

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

November 23, 2022
Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals! If you’ve...
Keep Reading
A person in a suit holding a golden platter loaded with a glass of wine, a bottle of lube, and two dildos. Draped over the person's arm is a towel and some vibrator chargers.
AnnouncementsApril Fool's!

Are you my next Dildo Butler?

April 1, 2020
I am seeking a conscientious, sex-positive individual to fill the role of Dildo Butler. This is a highly unique live-out...
Keep Reading
Old sex toy box from above.
Announcements

Caving in

October 7, 2008
I never thought I would become a “sex blogger.” Mainly because I don’t write very much erotica, and I somehow...
Keep Reading
Graphic showing the sex toys with great deals this Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
Announcements

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

November 27, 2013
I’m not a big Black Friday person. I like deals, but despise having to make any sort of effort to...
Keep Reading
Various logos: CatalystCon, SheVibe, Sex Out Loud Radio
Announcements

CatalystCon East: sponsorship, a panel, and… a live studio audience

January 25, 2014
You may have heard — I’m going to CatalystCon East again this year. What you may not know, and should know,...
Keep Reading
Announcements

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

November 25, 2020
GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. This is it: my annual list of the best sex toy deals for Black Friday and Cyber...
Keep Reading
1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

Scare-tactic G-spot headlines complete with stock photos of women and feet.

An abridged guide to decoding horseshit articles about the G-spot

Strapless strap-on dildos. Tantus Feeldoe More, Tantus Realdoe Stout, Fun Factory ShareVibe, Happy Valley Tango.

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

Fun Toys G-Vibe, a purple dildo with a split shape, creepin' on the neighbors through the blinds.

Review: G-Vibe

Pop Shot: Beer Lube

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