Some people might argue that mashed potatoes and gravy are the best thing about this time of year, but I’d argue that freakishly good sex toy deals win out. You can put both in your orifices, yes, but food is temporary, and high-quality dildos are forever. Also, I don’t recommend gravy as a lubricant. In case your mind was going there. Mine was.
Live outside the US? You can get 30% off at Lovehoney (which has bases in the UK, Australia, and US) or 20% off everything at Canadian shop Come As You Are. (Also, Americans take note: the exchange rate is VERY MUCH in your favor. To the tune of a $65 Pure Wand.)
SheVibe is my favorite online shop. Not only is it run by amazing peoplewho care, their selection is also pretty unparalleled. Now through 11/28, it’s an escalating sale at SheVibe: the more you buy, the more you save! Plus free shipping in the US with orders over $75.
10% off orders over $85 at SheVibe with code KRINGLE10
15% off orders over $100 at SheVibe with code KRINGLE15
20% off orders over $125 at SheVibe with code KRINGLE20
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! SheVibe is running a raffle just for my readers for a $300 gift card. Spend over $125 (before discounts!) and use code PIPH300 at check-out to be entered to win. I have a fair amount of readers, but not that many readers — your chances, I think, are quite good! Plus, a free mini lube with code PIPHLUBE. Finally, receive a free toybox with any Fun Factory purchase over $109.99 or more after discounts with code TOYBOX.
BEST FOR: really really cheap silicone butt plugs and dildos, specific Tantus toys.
40% off sitewide at Tantus from Thursday through Monday at 1:59 pm PST with code HEYEPIPHORA.1
Get the best prices by shopping in the Grab Bag section, where toys come in mystery colors. The Ripple Small ($16, my review) is a fantastic introduction to anal beads, and the Echo Handle ($22, you guys, $22!) is a superb textured dildo.
Thursday through Monday, get 20% off all sex toys at fabulous Canadian indie sex shop Come As You Are with coupon code AMERICANTHANKSGIVING. (Hah, nice!) My favorites are all listed here, and the exchange rate is such that many toys are at their best price anywhere. Plus, Canadians automatically get free shipping on orders over $50, and Americans get free shipping on orders over $100.
Fun Factory toys don’t go on sale much, so this is important news: the innovating thrusting toys Stronic Eins, Drei, and Zwei are 25% off now through Wednesday, November 30th. Best of all? You can get free toy cleaner (which you must add to your cart!) and a free tiny Patchy Paul dildo (yes, like the one I have!) with coupon code FUNEPIPHORA2016. Plus, you’ll automatically get a Karim Rashid Toybox free with any purchase over $109.99. It’s kind of a great haul!
Do you understand how madly in love I am with Early to Bed? Especially because they worked with me on a special deal just for my readers again this year. Thursday, November 24th through Cyber Monday, buy at least one product from my favorites page and get 15% off your total order with coupon code EPIPHORA15. Plus, if you spend over $50 (before discount!) you’ll get a free “You Can Find Me In Bed” tote bag! Cyber Monday only, everything else at Early to Bed will be 10% off.
Early to Bed is one of the only stores to stock the epic new blowjob dildo. They are also especially great for non-dual-density dildos from Vixen that I love: Woody, Leo, Randy, and Large Real Bent (Claire). Here, you can also get a good deal on the L’Amourose Prism V, Hitachi, Cuddle, and Moka.
Although this may not be the steepest discount you can get, Early to Bed is one of the greatest little indie sex shops around. They’re not afraid to call out sexism in the industry and they work their butts off to provide accurate sex ed day after day, so you should support them!
BEST FOR:Mona 2 and international purchases of LELO products.
LELO’s offering deep discounts on many of their toys Thursday, November 24th through Tuesday, November 29th. Everyone gets free shipping, even international orders, and if you spend over $99 you’ll get free LELO lube using code PIPHLELOBF.
BEST FOR: smaller orders, plus a free massage candle!
Ho ho ho! Get 15% off everything4 at Pleasure Chest, plus a free massage candle, with code EPIPHORA from November 24th through November 28th. No order minimum!
BEST FOR: gorgeous, limited edition glass dildos.
Do you, as I do, salivate at the idea of swanky yet functional glass dildos? Then you should pick up a beautimous Epiphora’s Exclusive Twist or Epiphora’s Exclusive Star Delight with glacier blue aqua Swarovski crystal (a color not currently used in any Crystal Delights toys)! These are two of my all-time favorite dildos.
Get 20% on either or both with code PIPH16, and then pop in the coupon code EPIPHORA to get an additional $9.95 off, ’cause why not?!
This sale runs Thursday, November 24th through Tuesday, November 29th.
BEST FOR: breathtaking wooden sex toys in the wood of your choice.
Um, yes, this is an obscenely good sale: 25% off everything at NobEssence, including gift certificates, November 24th through 30th. I feel like NobEssence sometimes gets lost among the vibrating whirligigs, but their toys are fucking incredible. It cannot be overstated: the Seduction is one of my top 3 G-spot toys, and the Romp is one of my top 3 butt plugs. (Also, I hunger for the Tryst and envy anyone who has one.)
BEST FOR: a very good deal on the We-Vibe couples’ toy.
BEST FOR: people who just want some lube, damnit, without having to buy other junk!
Sliquid is my favorite lube ever. Black Friday through Cyber Monday, get a grand total of 30% off all orders at Sliquid with code EPIPHORA. (Their sale is 20% off, my code takes off an additional 10%.) That means bottles of my faves H2O and Sassy are just over $8 each!
I heart Smitten Kitten in unnatural ways. Cyber Monday only, get 20% off everything on their site with code CYBERMONDAY2016! My picks are chronicled here, but let me reiterate: it’s really important that you order their special reusable “This Bag is Full of Sex Toys” bag. Also, the Eroscillator is only $88 with discount?!
BEST FOR: kinky toys, electrostim toys like the Neon Wand, and other bondage gear.
Starting November 25th, get up to 70% off in Stockroom’s Black and Blue sale! Plus, use the discount code CYBERTHANKS at checkout and receive an additional 15% off your purchase! This site still has the now-discontinued Jopen Key Comet G Wand, and with 15% off it’s only $53.50. The awesome estim Neon Wand is only $83, and various electrodes are also on sale!
BEST FOR: snagging the masturbation sleeve of your dreams.
Get up to 40% off at Fleshlight! With 25% off Fleshlight-branded items (which is most of them), 15% off sitewide, and up to 40% off select combo packs, this is the best place for snagging the sleeve of your dreams. Plus:
Spend $100 and get a free holiday gift and free shipping
Spend $150 and get a free mystery Fleshlight sleeve, free holiday gift, and free shipping
Spend $200 and get a free surprise pleasure pack, free mystery sleeve, free holiday gift, and free shipping
BEST FOR: a huge discount on an innovative penis toy.
As the company makes way for a new generation of their toy, you save! Get a whopping 60% off the Pulse II Solo and Duo with coupon code BFHE60 from Friday, November 25th through Monday, November 28th (UK time).
BEST FOR: Jimmyjane toys specifically.
Jimmyjane is having a 50% off sitewide sale, and some of their Form vibrators are only $72.50. I’m okay with the Form 4.
BEST FOR: porn mongers!
Get 15% off any membership to queer porn empire CrashPadSeries.com (the best deal they ever offer!) with code EPIPHORA now through Wednesday, November 30th! Arguably one of the greatest queer porn sites on the internet, Crash Pad documents hotties of all flavors sexing it up in beautifully-shot harmony. It will make you wanna masturbate.
BEST FOR: budding bloggers needing a kick in the pants to start that blog.
My awesome sex-positive host, HostGator, is offering 65% off all new hosting packages from Friday, November 25th through Tuesday, November 29th at 11:59pm CST. They’re also offering select domains for just $5.99. Why should you go with them for hosting? I shall tell you.
From Friday, November 25th to Monday, November 29th, there will also be select flash sales featuring 75% off all new hosting packages and $2.99 on select domains.
BEST FOR: your non-sex toy purchases, because you love me.