attachments

Review: Vintage vibrators

Review: Vintage vibrators

Masturbating like it’s 1925 with the Polar Cub Electric Vibrator, Oster Massagett, and Vanguard Vibro-Massager [I published this on April Fool’s Day ’cause it’s fun, but everything here is real. I tell no lies.] The inventor of the first electrical vibrator, doctor Joseph Mortimer Granville, called his device “Granville’s Hammer” — and if that’s not obviously named by a man I don’t know what is. It was for male pain relief; he expressly didn’t want women to use it. “I have avoided, and shall continue to avoid the treatment of women by percussion,” he wrote in 1883, “simply because I do not wish to be hoodwinked, and help to mislead others, by the vagaries of the hysterical state.” Joke’s on . . . read more

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Doxy Don (left) and Doxy Die Cast with Nuzzle Tip attachment (right). Put it on my clit. Now. That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don, standing in the hallway at a conference with it reverberating in my hands. I’d never seen or heard about the product in my life, but in a split second I wished it upon my genitals. Although I often make snap judgments about toys, they’re usually negative ones based on stomach-turningly buzzy vibrations. This was the opposite: the vibrations were so deliciously rumbly, so promising. I’d never tried a toy from Doxy before, and I knew The Don had to be my first. But I couldn’t rightfully review only The Don, considering Doxy’s reputation as manufacturers of the much-loved Doxy Massager. Somehow, . . . read more

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator “the best sex toy I’ve ever tried,” people have been asking me whether it’s worth the extra cash to get the Top Deluxe version of the toy. I’ve always had to say “I don’t know; mine is the more powerful one and I’ve never tried the regular version,” which pained me because I hate not having an answer to anything sex toy-related. I’m cool with feeling like a failure in some respects (I can’t do a crossword to save my life), but not that one. So finally, my online amiga of many years, Britni, agreed to loan me her Eroscillator 2 Plus for comparison purposes. This is a true friend. And now . . . read more

Review: Deluxe G-Spotter Hitachi attachment

Review: Deluxe G-Spotter Hitachi attachment

It’s all fun and games until someone’s vag vibrates off. The Pop Tops Deluxe G-Spotter is my first ever Hitachi Magic Wand attachment. I know; I’m a slacker. I’ve never been best friends with my Hitachi I have come to appreciate my Hitachi more over the… years, but I don’t fawn over internal vibrations. Still, the attachment’s shape reminded me of the Ella, so I broke my own “no purple or pink if at all possible” rule and went for it. (It does also come in black, thank goodness.) It’s definitely purple. No getting around that. But it’s squishy and pearlescent, and it fits over the Hitachi’s head easily (I hold the Hitachi between my legs while stretching the attachment over the . . . read more

Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Eroscillator

Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Eroscillator

[This is the second installment of Postcards from the Peanut Gallery! This feature chronicles my readers’ experiences with toys I reviewed. If you want to tell me about yours, contact me.] I’m not surprised that my insanely extensive and enthusiastic review of the Eroscillator resulted in several of my readers lusting after it. Sarahbear took the plunge and actually bought it; here’s what happened! My husband and I read your review for the Eroscillator together. More than once you had almost convinced me to get the biggest package they offer but I couldn’t resist a coupon for the 2 Plus. It arrived the next day and I ripped open the packaging and shooed the kids out of the room. It . . . read more

Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System

Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System

The Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System, made by the Sinclair Institute, is all about pomp and bravado. It has a stupidly long name, comes in a large box, and is endorsed by some random psychologist who doesn’t even have her own Wikipedia page. It comes with five attachments, a storage bag, a manual, and a message: Fully Charge 8 Hours Before Initial Use. Excuse me while I go vomit. And… charge it, I guess. I became interested in the Synergy after I fell in love with the Eroscillator. The Synergy resembles the Eroscillator, both in form (toothbrush) and in function (oscillating). Well, on paper it does. The reality is quite different. I’m cruel, yes, but guys — I’m already on . . . read more

Review: Wahl

Review: Wahl

The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle — usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been perverted. But since the Hitachi has been more universally perverted, the Wahl tends to be forgotten. Now that I have tried the Wahl, I feel that this is a grave injustice. And I am here to rectify it. Previously referred to as the Wahl 7-in-1, the Wahl is an 8-inch long, gun-shaped massager that used to come with seven plastic attachments (now comes with four). Each attachment has a vanilla purpose, and they are named for them: scalp attachment, facial ((not that kind.)) attachment, etc. These attachments fit not-so-gracefully around an inner post, usually after some shoving. . . . read more

Review: Eroscillator

Review: Eroscillator

You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall in love with one, and then you want to bitch out anyone who dares judge your snookum-wookum on its external appearance? That’s how I’ve become, very quickly, with the Eroscillator. It is my darling, my little copper-colored ((In 2016, the copper color was discontinued and replaced with purple. Tiny tear.)) sweet. And you can have it from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. Because this is the best sex toy I’ve ever tried. Full stop, end of discussion. True to its name, the Eroscillator oscillates rather than producing regular up and down vibrations. That may not . . . read more

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