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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

“The Industry”

Latest
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True fact.
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesWhine Time

EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception

May 21, 2010
EdenFantasys is a huge presence in the world of online sex shops. But ubiquity does not equal goodness, and behind...
Keep Reading
True fact.
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesWhine Time

What the fuck, EdenFantasys?

May 12, 2010
Good morning to me! Hello [my legal name], Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision...
Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerWhine Time

Watch battery bullets can suck it

April 6, 2010
Hey, watch battery bullets — have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that’s because usually when a...
Keep Reading
A guy pretending to sleep in bed, with his arm around a Fleshlight mount. Am I supposed to be horrified?
"The Industry"BanterDon't Trust the HeadlinesWhine Time

Shame, Fleshlight style

October 10, 2009
Tonight I came across a link to a Gizmodo post called “I Had Sex With Furniture: The Shameful (NSFW) Fleshlight...
Keep Reading
Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.
"The Industry"BanterSunshine & Rainbows

Talking sex shops over coffee

August 27, 2009
I suppose I have never divulged the fact that I really, really, really want to work at a sex shop....
Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterWhine Time

Not exactly forgiven

July 8, 2009
Some time has passed since the bulk of the hoopla with Don Wands/Glow Industries — remember the weekend of questionable...
Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterWhine Time

Don Wands keeps digging

June 27, 2009
“Our remarks were appropriate.” —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I...
Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterWhine Time

Or you could get defensive

June 26, 2009
When I write a negative review of a toy, I don’t expect to ever hear from the company that produced...
Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Cal Exotic inches toward integrity

February 21, 2009
I’m a freak. The moment I heard that California Exotic Novelties launched a new website, I flew on over there....
Keep Reading
Sarah Palin sex doll
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices

October 13, 2008
Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then...
Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterDirty Videos

Politics ‘n’ pornstars

October 10, 2008
I’m normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have...
Keep Reading
1 2

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Clandestine Devices Mimic vibrator on an ancient-looking egg scale. The cons outweigh the pros.

Anatomy of a negative sex toy review (or: the Mimic)

Review: OhMiBod

LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.

Review: Ida

The Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets glass dildo, covered in little orange spikes, standing upright near some pointy green fake grass.

Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets

We-Vibe Tango Glow (pink) and Dusk (gray-blue) Pleasure Mate Collection

Review: We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection (Dusk and Glow)

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