These glass dildos from Joyful Pleasure presented me with a few obstacles. See, I have this thing with insertable objects where I feel frustrated if I can’t conquer them. Whether it’s sheer size, extreme heft, repetitive bloops, every imaginable electrostim setting, or simply a bulge just out of reach, I feel the uncontrollable urge to experience all that a toy has to offer. Combine this with the fact that I’m a texture slut, and you have a recipe for vaginal disaster. When presented with the opportunity to review dildos from Joyful Pleasure, I of course ignored anything smooth and went straight for dildos with bumps, swirls, bloops, and, unbeknownst to me, challenging lengths. A large part of my reason for trying these dildos was price: they’re all under $45. If your . . . read more

I can’t get this website out of my head when I think about the Fleshlight Vibro. Granted, who hasn’t taken the “Sex Toy or Baby Toy?” quiz (I got 11/15, by the way), and what isn’t amazing about the page on dollar store sex toys? But I should not be thinking of DIY sex toys when looking at a $77, profesh sex toy. Yet I am. Because the Fleshlight Vibro is basically a nice masturbation sleeve cobbled together with shitty, cheap, annoying little bullet vibrators. This enables it to vibrate, yes, but is the effort worth it? My penis-wielding counterpart says no. Not quite. The Fleshlight Vibro comes in two orifice choices — Lady (vulva) and Butt. Both are made of pink Superskin. . . . read more

It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the inner canal is just how he likes it — soft and smooth as a baby’s butt. I should delete that. I really should. But I just can’t bear to do it. Don’t come at me, FBI. Even with its inner texture and my boyfriend’s peculiar penile preferences, though, the Fleshlight Flight has jumped to the #2 spot on his list. Which is still composed entirely of Fleshlights, because he is a ~discerning gentleman~. The Flight, in its case, is 2″ shorter than a regular Fleshlight, 35% lighter at 14.4 ounces, and .75″ smaller in diameter at the front. It is arguably one . . . read more

Most sex toys, even the ones I end up loving, require multiple testing sessions before I get a handle on my feelings for them. But once in a while, a toy comes along that is perfect immediately — from the first dip into my vagina. That’s because the Crystal Delights Star Delight has everything: beauty, bumps (um, the good kind), and a G-spotting head to die for. I kind of knew that I’d love this dildo. The shape of the Star Delight is a classic design. My first ever glass dildo, the atrociously and carelessly named Gold Ribbed Love Wand from now-dying brand Phallix, had similar bumps. Like the smart human I am, I tried it in the bath first, then proceeded to complain . . . read more

It’s been a long-ass time since my boyfriend was interested in a new toy for himself. But when he saw the Spider, he was giddy. This thing really is interesting: a masturbation sleeve with a suction cup that can be adjusted to any angle. I was intrigued, too, because the Spider serves a similar function as the Liberator mounts, but without being a huge-ass chunk of foam that takes up space in the closet. Plus, the sleeve can be removed and replaced with a Fleshlight sleeve. Can you say “deciding factor”? Made by a Korean company called Morriskim, the Spider (not the most sensual or appealing name, but it does describe the product, I guess) comes in a huge, white cardboard . . . read more

Ever since the line of Sex in a Can Fleshlights came out, I’ve wanted to snag one for my boyfriend. I figured, since he loves his original Fleshlight, he’d clearly love a shrunken version. With teeth. And pale skin. And a fang-like texture on the inside. Yeah, I know. I was asking for it. The Succu Dry is shaped like an energy drink, but it certainly won’t pass for one — it’s bigger and, uh, has an intense vampire woman on the front. It says “1 pint” on it, but if it were actually a drink, it would be more like 20 or 22 ounces. It’s smaller than regular Fleshlights, of course, but due to the label, it’s far more . . . read more

[This dildo is nearly impossible to find, but Gläs makes a really cheap version. Other beautiful glass toys can be acquired from Crystal Delights (I love the Star Delight) or Simply Blown.] I’ve had my eye somewhat indifferently trained on the Raspberry Chunk for a while now. In March, I reviewed the Lemon Drops, a juicer-type glass dildo made by Dream Toys. The theory behind juicer dildos is that turning a handle/crank is easier (and more fun?) than simply twisting a regular dildo. That sure sounds rad, but I can now say with confidence that it doesn’t work wonders for me. Everything I said in my Lemon Drops review about the Dream Toys company still applies: their toys are reasonably priced (at $40, the Raspberry Chunk . . . read more

[This dildo is nearly impossible to find, but beautiful glass toys can be acquired from Crystal Delights or Simply Blown. My favorites are the bumpy Star Delight and spiraled Crystal Twist.] Despite the grotesque name, I’ve always wanted to try a “juicer”-type glass dildo. I finally got the chance with the Lemon Drops, a stunningly beautiful piece of glass from DreamToys. To top it all off, the bumps on the Lemon Drops are yellow. Yellow! One of the seemingly forbidden sex toy colors! And I must say, it looks amazing. The Lemon Drops even came in a sturdy box lined with satin. With this, DreamToys has successfully trumped the packaging of most sex toys, let alone glass ones. I don’t know much about . . . read more

My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected his method of masturbation: five minutes or so, a fluid squeezing motion that I have yet to replicate, and coming into a square of toilet paper. I bought him a cheap-o masturbation sleeve a while back, and needless to say, it did not convince him of the majesty of masturbation sleeves. It was too short and the internal nubs provided no extra stimulation. I was probably going to buy the Maven sleeve for him for Christmas if I didn’t acquire it for review first. I’ve heard it’s a good ‘un, and it’s one of the most popular sleeves that doesn’t resemble a vagina. My boyfriend is adverse to sleeves that . . . read more