Pipedream

Pipedream is a bigwig sex toy company that I hate. Misogynist copy and a complete lack of morals are a few reasons; shitty products is another. They like to steal designs from indie companies, too — their Metal Worx line is copied from njoy.

Sex toy news: uncut dildos and a rechargeable Hitachi

Sex toy news: uncut dildos and a rechargeable Hitachi

If it seems like it’s been 5,000 years since Jimmyjane released something new, it has. Now, they have graced us with the Hello Touch X (rechargeable now, with an electrostim mode because uh?) and Form 5 (a weird mouth with flappy lips because uh?). The Fun Factory Bouncer looks boring as fuck. But it actually has inner balls that roll around, like kegel beads or their B Balls. I am into this idea. Tantus and SheVibe have teased us with some preliminary photos of uncut dildos they’re collaborating on. Yes! Hallelu, there will soon be a rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand! The new wand will have a silicone head, four vibration intensities, and can be used while plugged in. Oooh, ahhh. Nexus has a few new products, including a . . . read more

Review: Ceramix No. 4

Review: Ceramix No. 4

I wanted to feel the sensation of water sloshing in my vagina. Like the refreshing feeling of wading into the ocean. Like the satisfaction of tilting a Magic 8 Ball. The Ceramix No. 4 doesn’t feel like that, which is one reason you shouldn’t buy it. But it’s not the main one. The other reason is that it’s made by Pipedream. I hate this company and want to burn it to the ground. They have violently sexist and racist marketing, which they defend with statements about how men are basically pigs anyway. They write upsetting press releases and send repulsive emails. Their silicone dildos are stuffed with foam, their “metal” toys are nowhere near stainless steel, and they rip off shapes from njoy and Crystal Delights. The . . . read more

Sex toy news: uncircumcised packers and questionable marketing choices

Sex toy news: uncircumcised packers and questionable marketing choices

Vibratex has released a series of rechargeable mini vibes called The Girls. Princessa looks just freakish enough for me to try, but that rose-shaped button is silly, and they each only have three vibration strengths and three patterns. I thought Nomi Tang was dying, but I guess not since they have a new dual vibe called the Infiniti. Don’t get excited; it’s basically a LELO Soraya. Actual quote from Nomi Tang in this press release: “once you pop you cannot stop.” What. Courtney Trouble teamed up with Fucking Sculptures to create the behemoth that is the Double Trouble. Probably the closest a glass dildo will come to being a fist. Know what’s missing from your life? Bubbles wafting gently over your . . . read more

Sex toy news: ceramic dildos and moustache-shaped vibrators

Sex toy news: ceramic dildos and moustache-shaped vibrators

The PVC James Deen dildo was found to be 61% phthalates. Doc Johnson responded with some jibberish. ANME happened and many new toys were debuted there. Awesomely, the Redhead Bedhead went and took photos for us plebeians. Big thanks to her for the Tantus and OhMiBod photos below! So yes, Tantus is putting out a line of harnesses, as well as a handful of sci-fi toys in collaboration with SheVibe. Neither of these excites me beyond comprehension, but I still heart both companies beyond comprehension. Pipedream is faux-innovating with new ceramic and aluminum toys. According to the Redhead Bedhead, the reps at Pipedream were “so convinced that they were the first with the idea” to create ceramic toys. Of course they . . . read more

Sex toy news: thrusting toys and blinged-out vibes

Sex toy news: thrusting toys and blinged-out vibes

Dude, Tantus has gone nuts with the new things this month! Not only did they re-design their website (eradicating most of the pink, YES!), but they released two new sets of toys: tri-colored space toys and new plugs with excellent bases! I dunno about you, but I gotta have that Twist Plug. GASP, new toys from NobEssence! These are the Dare and Mesmerize. Not to point fingers, but does someone at NobEssence have baby fever or something? Fun Factory is coming out with a line of “thrusting” toys. I discuss their potential to be either really awesome or an utter failure on el blog. Just 2 weeks left to preorder yet another vibe controlled by a smartphone! And its name, Vibease, . . . read more

Um, No: Peter Piper and Erotic Cigar

Um, No: Peter Piper and Erotic Cigar

So this is an actual thing. I don’t know why it’s called The Original Peter Piper, because I’m pretty sure the original Peter Piper is the one from 1813 who picked a peck of pickled peppers, not a glass dildo for potheads. But then again, this is from Pipedream, the same people who brought us the failtastic Fetish Fantasy series, the quartet of terrible lubes, and heaps of racist/sexist shit, so I don’t know why I expect them to be historically accurate… or remotely respectable. This 10″ glass dong is smooth and sensuous and doubles as a pipe, perfect for enjoying your favorite smoke right before you enjoy each other! Try it with a friend; one takes a toke, the other gets . . . read more

Um, No: Make Her Slap You Kit

Um, No: Make Her Slap You Kit

This is the most epic recipe for failure ever. Pipedream’s Turn Her On Kit: For the perfect encounter. Everything you need to turn on that special someone is in this kit! Next time you start, just grab this kit, apply the appropriate lotion and get ready for a thrilling titillating, climactic experience! Dude, can you imagine someone whipping this out right before sex? Incredibly racist stimulating cream? Check! Incredibly unsafe anal gel that could seriously harm you? Check! Incredibly low-quality lube? Check! Incredibly unnecessary (and possibly infectious) tightening cream? Check! The next time I’m feeling low, I will be reminding myself that my life could be much worse. I could be the unfortunate voiceover woman in the product video, being . . . read more

Review: Icicles No. 8

Review: Icicles No. 8

The story of the Icicles No. 8 begins with my Gold Ribbed Love Wand — or, as I fondly call it, my bumpy dildo. My first made-of-glass love, my first truly textured toy, the toy I’m most scared of accidentally dropping. Yes, I have progressively fallen deeper and deeper in love with it — or, at least, the first four inches of it. My vagina has not yet grown accustomed to thick objects, but I still appreciate its delicious texture. So when I saw the price and appearance of the Icicles No. 8, I easily talked myself into buying it. It was pretty, cheap, made of glass, and thinner than my bumpy dildo. I was up for a new glass . . . read more

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