Review: Luna

Jollies Luna

The first thing you should know about the Jollies / LuzArte Luna is that it is large: 6″ long and 1.5″ in diameter. Get out your ruler/measuring tape and visualize this. Then visualize it up your ass. The Luna takes home the trophy for being the biggest anal toy to occupy my ass thus far.

But I was willing to wrestle with my ass, because the Luna‘s curvy, unorthodox shape intrigued me. It’s molded from an actual rectum, and according to Jollies, its shape is meant to “resist the expulsive power of the rectal muscles during orgasm.” Plus, it’s shaped like my favorite butt plug on the planet. Only a lot bigger. And made of 100% silicone. But maybe, I thought, it would be just as good, or even better.

Using the Luna in my butt, though, I quickly developed several pet peeves with it…

  1. Why does an anal toy have to be six freaking inches long? Really, I don’t get it. Thankfully, getting the Luna in my ass is not as tricky as I assumed it would be based on its size. But the length does not seem beneficial (my butt doesn’t perceive of the length), and in fact makes removal of this toy really awkward. It just keeps coming and coming…
  2. Up close, it smells. Like a mixture of rubber and ass. After being liberally sprayed with a 10% bleach solution.
  3. The base, oh god, the base. I cannot overstate how unnecessarily thick and wide this base is. The base is great if you’re looking to decorate your home with the Luna. It’s horrible if you want it to fit between your ass cheeks. No matter what I do, the Luna creeps out of my butt — not completely, but enough that the base rests outside of my cheeks. So unless I’m sitting down, I feel like the Luna is trying to escape.

Now, this is not to say that the Luna feels bad in my ass or anything. It feels decent. Except for the base, it does not feel awkward. But it doesn’t feel phenomenal, and the unique shape doesn’t feel, well, unique. It feels like any old butt plug, only it sort-of flunks the plugging part. Okay, not flunks, since it doesn’t slip out completely. It gets a D.

But why stop at the intended orifice? With a condom on it, I tried the Luna vaginally. It felt awkward one way, but another resulted in something interesting: the Luna locking into place inside me. Even in my vag, the Luna’s base is large, but I easily moved it out of the way to enjoy some clit stimulation. If you are looking for a dildo that will set up camp in your vagina and not budge, the Luna can do that very well. I doubt you’d want to fuck yourself with it, though.

To end on a high note, I want to mention that although I hate the Luna’s base with a passion, it does have finger grips and a rougher texture than the rest of the toy. That is pretty damn cool — innovative, even — and shows an ingenuity not often present in butt plugs. But somehow, simultaneously, the Luna is an example of a plug being designed without the entire ass area being considered. Toy designers, behold: the all-important ass cheeks.

Get Jollies / LuzArte toys at Spectrum Boutique. (My faves are listed here.)
Or use code EPIPHORA to get 15% off your entire order directly from LuzArte.

Get 15% off at LuzArte (formerly Jollies) with code EPIPHORA