Round 2 of the Pure Wand contest begins

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It’s that time… time to move into the next phase of my What would you do for a Pure Wand? contest! I received a total of 22 entries, and have chosen my favorite 6 to be executed. These entrants have 2 weeks to finish their entries and send me proof of them. After that, I will hold an anonymous vote to determine who will win the glorious Njoy Pure Wand. To whet your appetite, though, I can’t resist sharing the text entries now:

  • Choreograph a bellydance to your favorite song with “Hey Epiphora” painted across my chest. (Not my bare chest, but the chest exposed by whichever dance bra I wear!)

Ooh, you know how to reel me in, don’t you? All of my favorite songs would be really awkward to bellydance to, so I’m going to send you three songs I like: “Boring” by Pink, “AEIOU” by Charlotte Sometimes, and “Don’t Hold Back (Sweet Jane)” by Go Home Productions.

  • Cook a four-course meal, all of it shaped like sex toys. And photograph it all.

Um, OMG.

  • I will attempt to paint a masterpiece, skillfully showing off the Pure Wand in all its glory, while other sex toys lay forgotten in a waste basket (Don Wands perhaps?!). I will send the completed product to you to display in a manner of your choosing.

This is proof that I need to move somewhere where I can dedicate an entire room to sex toys. It’s my calling.

  • Figure out a way to attach most (or all) of my sex toys to myself like a perverted bikini, and take a photo of it for you.

Good luck with that one! Duct tape?

  • Write, choreograph, direct, and film a short play with sex toys as the characters. I would also voice most, if not all, the characters. I love speaking in different ways, so that part would really be fun! The play would most likely be in old-school puppet show format, where the characters pop up from behind a “wall” of sorts, and then talk/interact with each other. There would be comedy, adventure, and an overarching moral of rising above class boundaries. Depending on your tastes, I might be willing to stick fake eyes on my sex toys to make it funnier, if you feel that would add to the entertainment value.

Probably, yes. But don’t feel any fake eye pressure.

  • I had been brainstorming for a few hours when I retweeted the contest link and started talking about it with one of my best friends. She was intrigued, but lacking the experience of owning a sex toy, was a little overwhelmed by such a contest. I repeat: MY BEST FRIEND HAS NEVER OWNED A SEX TOY. Wow. She is not a shy girl and she has a great relationship with her G spot so I consider this a HUGE oversight and a long time coming. After our conversation, I put my selfish lusting for the Pure Wand aside and commited myself to winning this for her because I honestly can’t think of anyone more worthy of some stainless self lovin’ . . . I will strip her down and dress her in a teeny bikini or fearless lingerie. Next, I will put her on display in the most inappropriate of locations. She will have to solicit to the upstanding citizens of our vanilla community and beg their participation in her endeavour to win the legendary Pure Wand. Random men and women will be asked to help her cause by writing on her. Our journey will bring us to malls, banks, drive-thrus, tattoo shops, Walmarts and restaurants and I, of course will be thoroughly documenting the entire adventure.

That sounds amazing, but can you use some sort of marker that is slightly less permanent? It would put my mind at ease. (Apparently I’m a worrywart mom now.)

So those are the lucky entries that I cannot wait to witness! I want to thank everyone who entered, though, for coming up with some really hilarious and fabulous ideas. They have greatly amused me. Come back in 2 weeks to vote for who should win the Pure Wand!