It’s time to shut the dildo carnival down, folks. We’ve eaten a lot of corn dogs, played a bunch of games, and indulged in various carnival attractions, and now I get to hand out all the sex toy prizes. Of which there are MANY! Below, I’ve listed the winners of the mini giveaway attractions, followed by the rest of the giveaway winners. All giveaway winners have been contacted. If you didn’t win something, don’t despair: Black Friday is next week, and as usual I’ll be publishing a post featuring all the best sex toy sales. Sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop, or keep an eye on my Twitter. 🔮 MAGIC SHOW   For the chance to win a Magic Wand Rechargeable, . . . read more

Pretty lights; sweet, crispy deep-fried dough; the rush of adrenaline as you narrowly escape with your life — there’s just something magical about carnivals. So, to celebrate 11 years of sex toy blogging, I decided to throw a DILDO CARNIVAL! Where instead of winning a lousy stuffed animal you didn’t really want anyway, you can win a fancy sex toy of your choice. [All graphics by the amazing Aerie.] In this carnival, I’m giving away the best sex toys on earth — as judged by my discerning genitals. I’ve got everything from vibrators to dildos to butt stuff to penis toys to harnesses to gender products, plus gift cards for the indecisive and a porn membership for the pervs! There are . . . read more

Recently, somebody pointed out to me just how far my giveaways have come. An old giveaway from the early days of my blog fetched 30 entrants, which at the time was impressive. Now, here I am writing a wrap-up post for my most recent giveaway, Rock your G-spot, which garnered over 2,000 individual entrants. W. T. F. Of course, this time I was giving away something much much cooler: 8 self-thrusting Stronic G toys from Fun Factory. But still, I’m forever amazed at the response, and especially the amazing artistic entries. SO MANY GOOD ONES, you guys! I’m excited to share them with you here. So, here’s how all the winners shook down. All have been contacted and confirmed. Random winners: . . . read more

Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little understimulated? Or is it in a good mood, but always hungry for more? Looking for a sex toy that does pretty much all the work of hitting it? I GOTCHU. Just a few months ago, I crowned Fun Factory’s Stronic G pulsator the best sex toy of 2017. Its automated back-and-forth thrusting motion and perfectly-hooked tip are a G-spotting dream, causing me to squirt with very little effort. Now it’s 2018, a new year, and the perfect time for you to form a closer bond with your G-spot.1 But the Stronic G retails for $200, not exactly cheap, so I’M GIVING . . . read more

Hi, hello, I’m commemorating 10 years of sex blogging with the most extravagant sex toy giveaway I’ve ever done. I’m giving away 80+ of the best sex toys ever made, as judged by my discerning vagina. Then, because that wasn’t enough, there’s a grand prize pack of my very favorite products worth over $1,000 — with 10 runners-up. SO MANY WINNERS. [All graphics by the wonderful Aerie.] Peeps, I’ve got everything here from vibrators to dildos to butt stuff to penis toys to harnesses to gender products and BDSM implements, plus gift cards for the indecisive and a porn membership for the pervs! There are even a bunch of “winner’s choice” prizes, where you can win any toy you desire from the catalogs . . . read more

This month, my blog turns 8 years old. It could’ve been a two-term president in that time. My sex toy collection has grown from a sad box of junk to a walk-in closet of glory; my standards have been raised to preposterous levels. But one thing remains the same: each year, I celebrate my blogiversary with a huge giveaway, to put my favorite sex toys in the hands of people who deserve them. With liberty and #sextoysforall. [All graphics by the incomparable Aerie. Hire them for any and all projects!] 54: that’s the number of sex toy prizes I wrangled for this giveaway. It’s a new record for most toys I’ve ever given away at once. I’m also allowing you to choose your top 3 prizes this time . . . read more

I am a bit concerned about you, peeps. Nary a whisper has been uttered to remind me that it’s October and therefore time for me to give away a pile of sex toys in celebration of my blogging anniversary. Have you forgotten? Or are you just patiently waiting for this post? WELL, IT IS HERE. [Bless Aerie for making these graphics! Hire them for any and all projects!] Each year, I refine this giveaway, and each year I ask myself, “how can this giveaway best benefit my readers?” That’s why I decided this year to do individual prizes, so there will be a grand total of 30 winners. 30 of you will win 30 of the best sex toys on the planet. No . . . read more

October is the month when the leaves start turning, my sweaters finally get put to good use, and I celebrate that one time 6 years ago I thought it might be fun to start a blog. As has become tradition, I launch an epic blogiversary giveaway each October. Each year I have outdone myself, and last year I gave away 18 prizes. Naturally, this year, I’m giving away 37… 52 if you count all the bottles of lube. Because that’s not setting myself up for failure next year or anything. So quoth my friend, “one of these days you’ll just give away a whole store.” [Everyone bow down to the freakishly talented Aerie for creating the graphics for this giveaway. . . . read more

It wouldn’t be enough to call my great Mona summer party giveaway a success. Over 1,000 humans entered via the widget, with even more reblogging, posting in the comments section, and joining the Twitter party, for well over 10,000 individual entries. This giveaway was a whirlwind — and rightfully so. I asked for the unthinkable: to give away 10 of my favorite vibrator, the LELO Mona 2, open to international readers. Generously, LELO said yes. Then it got better. When the giveaway wrapped, I found myself at an impasse trying to choose just one winner for “best artistic representation of Mona” and two for “best sob stories.” I emailed LELO about my plight, and they floored me by agreeing to five winners for each of . . . read more