This month, my blog turns 8 years old. It could’ve been a two-term president in that time. My sex toy collection has grown from a sad box of junk to a walk-in closet of glory; my standards have been raised to preposterous levels. But one thing remains the same: each year, I celebrate my blogiversary with a huge giveaway, to put my favorite sex toys in the hands of people who deserve them. With liberty and #sextoysforall. [All graphics by the incomparable Aerie. Hire them for any and all projects!] 54: that’s the number of sex toy prizes I wrangled for this giveaway. It’s a new record for most toys I’ve ever given away at once. I’m also allowing you to choose your top 3 prizes this time . . . read more

I am a bit concerned about you, peeps. Nary a whisper has been uttered to remind me that it’s October and therefore time for me to give away a pile of sex toys in celebration of my blogging anniversary. Have you forgotten? Or are you just patiently waiting for this post? WELL, IT IS HERE. [Bless Aerie for making these graphics! Hire them for any and all projects!] Each year, I refine this giveaway, and each year I ask myself, “how can this giveaway best benefit my readers?” That’s why I decided this year to do individual prizes, so there will be a grand total of 30 winners. 30 of you will win 30 of the best sex toys on the planet. No . . . read more

October is the month when the leaves start turning, my sweaters finally get put to good use, and I celebrate that one time 6 years ago I thought it might be fun to start a blog. As has become tradition, I launch an epic blogiversary giveaway each October. Each year I have outdone myself, and last year I gave away 18 prizes. Naturally, this year, I’m giving away 37… 52 if you count all the bottles of lube. Because that’s not setting myself up for failure next year or anything. So quoth my friend, “one of these days you’ll just give away a whole store.” [Everyone bow down to the freakishly talented Aerie for creating the graphics for this giveaway. If you ever . . . read more

It wouldn’t be enough to call my great Mona summer party giveaway a success. Over 1,000 humans entered via the widget, with even more reblogging, posting in the comments section, and joining the Twitter party, for well over 10,000 individual entries. This giveaway was a whirlwind — and rightfully so. I asked for the unthinkable: to give away 10 of my favorite vibrator, the LELO Mona 2, open to international readers. Generously, LELO said yes. Then it got better. When the giveaway wrapped, I found myself at an impasse trying to choose just one winner for “best artistic representation of Mona” and two for “best sob stories.” I emailed LELO about my plight, and they floored me by agreeing to five winners for each of . . . read more

Put on your sunhats, make your best lemonade, and fill up the pool, because the time has come for the greatest party of the summer. It involves ORGASMS. This is the party I’ve been wanting to throw ever since I fell in love with the LELO Mona 2 vibrator years ago. I am bringing Mona to the masses and giving away ten of them, thanks to the amazing generosity of LELO. Not only is the Mona 2 the best vibrator on earth, but this giveaway is open to everyone on earth. Yes, my dear international readers! You too! The Mona 2 is a deceptively simple-looking toy, but it succeeds precisely because it gets everything right: it’s rechargeable, it’s strong and rumbly, it’s waterproof, and its shape is awesome both internally and . . . read more

When SheVibe found the last living neon green Mustang under a low shelf in their warehouse, we had to team up to give it away. And because any dildo pairs well with a nice vibe, we decided the winner would also get a Leaf vibe of their choice. The lucky winner of this pairing is Kara! She chose the Leaf Life (oh hey, I like that one too!) and wrote back: OOOOHHH MY GOD YOU JUST MADE ME DANCE AROUND MY APARTMENT IN JOY! MY DOG ALSO JOINED IN. You are spreading joy and orgasms around the world. Also, I want to extend a slow clap to all of your comments about which discontinued toys (and companies) should come back, and which current toys should be . . . read more

Back in October, we mourned the discontinuation of some of the loveliest neon dildos from Vixen Creations, including the green Mustang and all neon versions of the Maverick. I thought they were all gone forever. BUT THEN this email from SheVibe happened: Dude, you’ll never guess what I found in the warehouse. A GREEN MUSTANG!! It had rolled underneath a low shelf, we don’t even have them on the site anymore. It must be the last living one — wanna do a giveaway? If I do nothing else in my life, at least I can be the person who gives away rare dildos in a color that may never happen again in our lifetimes. The Mustang is one of my all-time favorites: its squishy dual-density . . . read more

Holy shit. This giveaway. I can’t even. I know I called it “massive” in the title, but that was before it actually became massive. Over 3,000 people entered — about three times the number who entered last year. I am exhausted and inspired from reading all of your comments. I am, and will remain, your humble dildo servant. Now: winners! The winners have all been notified and many prizes shipped out. Here’s the list of all 18 winners. The LELO Mona 2, donated by LELO, goes to Lydia and Kai! The Jopen Comet G Wand, donated by SheVibe, goes to Katie! The njoy Pure Plug, donated by Lovehoney, goes to Sarah! A $150 gift certificate donated by Tantus goes to Alyssa! The Eroscillator 2 Plus, donated . . . read more

Five is a good, solid number. And it is now the number of years I have been stuffing things in my vagina for the internet’s entertainment writing this blog! Never one to disappoint, I am following up my usual epic blogiversary giveaway each October with a giveaway even more epic. The number of prizes has been steadily rising each year, and this year it rests at a hefty 18. You guys! This is getting out of control! Here’s a taste of the smorgasbord: As always, I am only giving away toys I’ve tried and loved (except the Shilo Pack and Play and Fleshlight). I wrangled a range of items: vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, a sleeve, a packer, a harness, and even a $150 gift certificate, . . . read more