Giveaways
8 min read

Dildo carnival giveaway winners

Mini giveaway attractions in my dildo carnival sex toy giveaway

It’s time to shut the dildo carnival down, folks. We’ve eaten a lot of corn dogs, played a bunch of games, and indulged in various carnival attractions, and now I get to hand out all the sex toy prizes. Of which there are MANY!

Below, I’ve listed the winners of the mini giveaway attractions, followed by the rest of the giveaway winners. All giveaway winners have been contacted.

If you didn’t win something, don’t despair: Black Friday is next week, and as usual I’ll be publishing a post featuring all the best sex toy sales. Sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop, or keep an eye on my Twitter.

🔮 MAGIC SHOW  

For the chance to win a Magic Wand Rechargeable, donated by Vibratex, I asked folks to comment with a memorable quote from my blog. After much deliberation, I chose the following five winners.

Timid, who called the intro to my Mimic review “a beautiful encapsulation of righteous anger, from someone who has power and isn’t afraid to use it.”

Amy, who recalled laughing uproariously at the line “nature clearly didn’t take anuses into account when crafting the carrot,” from my review of Hole Punch Toys, and how it made her feel less weird about reading a sex blog.

AT, who did the most amazing dramatic reading of my Taffy Tickler review — you need to hear it immediately.

M, who remembered lying in bed in their dorm room after their sorority girl roommate had left for the night, comforted by my rage at the Lowe Aurora, a ridiculous contraption about which I wrote, “it’s like someone thought to themselves, how can we combine crushing beauty standards and sex toys?“

April, a writer who felt so validated by my honesty in my post Becoming a real writer she was inspired to start journaling again.

🍿 CONCESSION STAND

In this mini giveaway, I asked for your all-time favorite carnival food for a chance to win a $125 gift card to Hole Punch Toys, donated by Hole Punch Toys. The most common answer was probably funnel cake, but I loved the tales of freakish carnival creations such as a hot dog topped with mac and cheese. Congrats to the winner, Den!

🍆 DILDO RING TOSS

To enter to win a Tie-Bright VixSkin dildo, donated by SheVibe, I asked folks to describe their sex life in emojis. Obviously, the answers were fantastic: stuff like 🐻💜🐷 👉🏻 🍑✊🏻🙏🏻👋🏻 and 🍑📱💌🌃📱💬🍆 and 🦗🦗🦗. Congrats to the winner, Awe Someness!

🎲 GUESSING GAME

How many tiny dildos were in the jar? The correct answer was 81, which was guessed by 17 people! Congrats to the winner, Vera Leigh, who won a $125 gift card to Spectrum Boutique — plus a handful of tiny dildos from Funkit Toys. Special shout-out to my mom for letting me borrow that big-ass jar.

🕹️ CLAW MACHINE

For this mini giveaway, I gave away the We-Vibe Sync and We-Vibe Rave, donated by We-Vibe. Congrats to the winners, Kendra and babytoki, and thanks to Kynan for letting me use his stuffed animals for my photo. (Even if my idea to use handcuffs to represent the claw did not work out.)

🏁 STRONIC RACES

After you all took bets on which self-thrusting toy would cross the finish line first, I held a live race to find out. Definitely one of the most ridiculous things I’ve done for this blog. Congrats to the winner, Shanah, who correctly bet on the Stronic G and won the Stronic Pulsator of their choice, donated by Fun Factory.

💀 HAUNTED HOUSE

Of course I had to give away the iconic njoy Pure Wand, donated by Spectrum Boutique. Congrats to the winner, Ken, and special thanks to my friend Nicolette who let me take my photo with her spooky things.

🍭 CANDY CART

The delectable LELO Mona 2, donated by Spectrum Boutique, was up for grabs in this mini giveaway. Congrats to the winner, Jessey, and shout-out to my partner for posing tirelessly for my photo.

🐱 PETTING ZOO  

Those hoping to win a $125 gift card to SheVibe were asked to write a caption for this outrageous photo of my cats. There were SO MANY GOOD CAPTIONS. Congrats, eve.of.flight, and thanks to my poor cats for putting up with my antics! The winning caption was: “Soon,” Boris promised himself. He would play the fool no longer. The only thing left was to choose the instrument of Chowder’s demise…

HUGE THANKS to all the fantastic companies who donated: Babeland, Blush, Crystal Delights, Dallas Novelty, Doxy, Early to Bed, Fun Factory, Good Vibrations, Hole Punch Toys, Hot Octopuss, Je Joue, LELO, Liberator, Lovehoney, New York Toy Collective, Number One Laboratory, Peepshow Toys, Pink & White, Pleasure Chest, SheVibe, Smitten Kitten, Spectrum Boutique, Split Peaches, Stockroom, Tenga, Tickler, Vibratex, Vixen Creations, We-Vibe, Womanizer, and Zumio.

You are all so generous and lovely!