Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star. They can attach to each other, too, to make a custom double-ended dildo. Jimmyjane’s new Tre looks like a bundle of alien fingers. Isn’t that what you want to put on your clit? (Hot tip: if you want to be even poorer, buy the version that comes with a UV sanitizing case!) Dicks that become erect at the push of a button? THE FUTURE IS NOW. Flickering tips, y’all! The Volta is Fun Factory’s latest, and I must tell you from first-hand clitoral experience: I quite like it! Although composed entirely of knock-offs, Cal Exotics’ “Packer Gear” line is worth . . . read more

Most important news first, y’all: Fun Factory’s Stronic G is a REVELATION. Like the other Stronics, this toy thrusts all by itself — but this one can be used hands-free, and its perfectly-hooked tip gives my G-spot everything it craves. Ooof. So good. Lube dispensers are all the rage now and I blame me. The Touch heats your lube and will utilize any lube you want, unlike the exorbitantly expensive Pulse, which takes proprietary pods. Sliquid has a toy cleaner! I still don’t really believe in toy cleaners, but at least I trust Sliquid not to put junk ingredients in theirs. Screaming O just released a few new toys in their “Affordable Rechargeable” line. I’m very curious if the motors . . . read more

Vixen has released a peculiar dildo called the VixenAire Mustang. It inflates when you apply pressure to the base. I love my Mustang, but the VixenAire only inflates near the base of the toy, which I find weird??? For ages, I’ve hoped a company aside from Bad Dragon would invent a silicone squirting dildo. It has become so with the Pop! A SQWEEL FOR YOUR DICK. It looks like a torture device, but so do all the Sqweels. Fun Factory’s latest vibes are Lady Bi, a rabbit, and Moody, a curved G-spot/prostate toy with a textured flared base. It comes in orange! Um, yes, my need to rub these vibrators all over my body is strong. These are the new Tenga . . . read more

Let’s start with the stuff I’m actually psyched about, eh? Fun Factory has edited their Share double-ended dildo so that it includes a rechargeable vibrating bullet. GIVE TO ME, YES. They also released the Boss dildo, and several battery-operated vibes: Joupie, Jazzie, and Jam. Tenga has also been hard at work, as they released Mikazuki and Minamo, insertable versions of their notoriously squishy Iroha vibes. I wish one was a more intense shape… as is, they’re too wimpy for me. Should I group the sad Indiegogo-funded sex toys together? It’s a parade of things we didn’t know we “needed.” The Glov is a hand device that you can attach sex toys to rather than holding them. JoyBoxx is a plastic box . . . read more

I have to restrain myself from getting too excited about this, but Fun Factory is releasing a butt plug that behaves like a pair of kegel balls. They’re called the B Balls, um, of course. The latest crowdfunding campaign is for the Ambrosia Vibe, a strap-on dildo that vibrates when touched. The vibration correlates to the amount of pressure applied to the dildo. Sounds great, except when you realize the vibrator is a shitty egg vibe attached to a battery pack. I gave up on an abundance of wires and straps long ago. Eros & Isis, a company that makes silicone dildos that look more like silver and gold statues, lives again! I got one of their dildos back in . . . read more

If you like pushing around the skin on a wrinkly dog, you will love touching the Tenga Iroha vibrators. They feel spongy, like marshmallows, with enough give on the outer layer that you can push it around like dog skin. They’re really addicting to touch, but that criteria would only matter if I were reviewing a set of stress balls. These are sex toys, and as sex toys, they perform adequately. I’d give them a passing grade, maybe a C+ or B-. But I’d also give them some stern suggestions for improvement and hope that they try harder next time. The Iroha line is Tenga’s first attempt at making vibrators; they’ve always only made toys for penises. These vibes are unique because the outer layer is . . . read more

Crowdfunding. Again. Always and forever. This time for wooden dildos, which, if you ask the creator, may just be the first wooden dildos ever! The company name is Dee Lee Doo, which I find really childish and upsetting for some reason. Oops, they didn’t reach their $10,000 goal. Tenga’s latest thing (are they going to have a new thing every month?) is the Iroha Mini which, as it turns out, isn’t any smaller than the Iroha vibes, nor is it similar at all. It’s battery-operated and has one speed. Joanna Angel’s incredible vulva has become a Fleshlight! Halleloo! The company that perpetrated the self-lubricating vibrator has unveiled a series of self-lubricating vibrators based on Twilight. According to the company, this series . . . read more

The We-Vibe 4 is almost here. It’s smaller than the We-Vibe 3, with a much-improved remote. But it’s only available in purple and pink, so I’m just gonna go to their HQ and stab someone real quick — BRB. LELO sneaked up on us with their newly-released Ida, which I loathed, so let’s move on to something hopefully better: KEGEL BALLS! They’re called Hula Beads, so I can only assume they are made of balled-up palm fronds. Apparently they rotate, vibrate, and respond to the squeezing of PC muscles. We’ll see. Tenga has a new line called Vi-Bo (ooh, they took out the r!): weird shapes and “orbs” that take watch batteries. The one that looks like an exercise device? You’re . . . read more

Tenga is breaking out of the masturbation sleeve box they’ve created for themselves, and are now making rechargeable vibrators. I am intrigued by these specimens. Crave, makers of the Duet, have two new vibes: Solo and Wink. Solo is a simpler version of the Duet. Wink looks like a tube of chapstick. Crystal Delights will be producing the trophies for this year’s Feminist Porn Awards! They will be Magnetic Bunny Tail Plugs. Tantus released a line of 100% silicone paddles with adorable names such as Thwack. I made the mistake of hitting my arm with one. Can anybody decipher this Korean thing called Airbee? Apparently it has a pressure sensor for kegels and Bluetooth is involved? This happened quickly: Fun Factory has announced . . . read more