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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
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  • All-time faves
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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Durex Play Vibrations Focus

October 20, 2008
My boyfriend and I are big fans of Durex condoms. When we started having sex, we tried a few different...
Keep Reading
The simplehuman Sensor Pump on my nightstand, squirting lube onto my Pure Wand.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

June 10, 2016
Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions...
Keep Reading
Pop ShotsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Pop Shot: Astrea I vibrating brief

June 26, 2009
The Astrea I vibrating panties are “one size fits most,” which of course means “one size fits size small.” It cuts...
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All hail the Vibratex Mystic Wand! On a desk next to a cute container of colorful sharpie pens.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mystic Wand

January 12, 2011
The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a damn good sex toy. No caveats, no horror stories. It just gets things right....
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Impulse Butterfly

April 5, 2009
Don’t ask me why I had to try a strap-on vibrator. I’m ashamed to admit that I ever thought it...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rhapsody, Symphony Edition

November 28, 2008
There’s been some hoopla and excitement surrounding this new toy company, Evolved Novelties, so when I was offered the opportunity...
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Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Treeze Wave

June 24, 2009
I used to hold to the unfounded belief that making any material vibrate would be an accomplishment. Trying the Don Wands...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Illusion Wand Rapture

October 3, 2008
Time for a fact check. Illusion? No, I don’t think I was imagining that thing buzzing manically in my vagina....
Keep Reading
Vibratex Tulip (aka Buzzing Blossom) among... friends? Hanging out with my Littlest Pet Shop toys from childhood.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Tulip

April 10, 2013
The Vibratex Tulip is really bizarre. It looks like a rocket ship puking a flower, like some combination of a character...
Keep Reading
Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator, and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy. (Fork and knife.)
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Cupcake

December 19, 2013
This sex toy is everything I hate. Cutesy. Twee. Pink. Girly. Symbolic. I want to chuck it into a river. So why am...
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Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Lucky 11

March 3, 2011
The Evolved Lucky 11 is part of Evolved’s “Roulette” line. As such, it has a wheel embedded in its base...
Keep Reading
LELO PicoBong Kiki vibrator (photo by Mandi at EROntric, used with permission)
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Kiki

February 20, 2012
I was going to ignore PicoBong altogether. Although I was initially drawn to the brand because, well, LELO invented it...
Keep Reading
Toyfriend Mystic Tickler vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ticklers

February 11, 2010
The Toyfriend Ticklers will fool you, with their neon colors and cute-ass shapes. But their adorableness is matched, even overtaken,...
Keep Reading
Ophoria Bliss 8 silicone vibrator on a staircase railing made of old pipes.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Bliss 8

February 10, 2011
The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is...
Keep Reading
Jopen Key Ceres Lace vibrator lying on a hardwood floor.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Ceres Lace

January 7, 2015
I believe the texture on this toy is supposed to be swanky, but my friend says it reminds him of a...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Corsar rechargeable vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Corsar

November 26, 2007
Corsar is my first 100% silicone toy, and I have to say, I am delighted. I’ve heard all the gushing about...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 4

Latest posts

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.

Review: Ora 2

Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

Bottles of Sliquid lined up: Sliquid Sea, Organics Gel, and Sassy.

My favorite lube? Sliquid anything

Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

The pinnacle of relief

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