Review: Royal Wizard

California Exotic Novelties Sue Johanson Royal Wizard rabbit vibrator

The Royal Wizard from California Exotic Novelties has an intriguing shape and an interesting texture; it has a slightly curved head with a narrow shaft, and its deep blue body is accented with raised pink stripes. It doesn’t look like a penis, and the clit teaser isn’t supposed to be any sort of animal, so it’s a somewhat unusual-looking sex toy, which I’m fond of.

This vibrator is made out of TPR (thermoplastic rubber), so it isn’t a high-end 100% silicone toy. But it is my first rabbit vibrator and my first rotating sex toy, so I was excited to give it a whirl. The package boasts that Sue Johanson (from Talk Sex with Sue Johanson) approves of the Royal Wizard, so it must be good! (Err…)

I’m just starting to get into penetration, and the Royal Wizard is narrower than most rabbit vibrators. Nonetheless, I wasn’t able to slide the vibe far enough inside me to take advantage of the clit teaser. There are about 4 ½ inches before the clit teaser, so I’m sure people more experienced with penetration would have no trouble with it. However, the thin part of the shaft might not be enough stimulation for some.

The motor seems to be in the clit teaser alone, so there is a lot of very nice, strong vibration in the three nubs of it (three speeds also), but that vibration doesn’t travel to the head of the vibrator. For me, this is a major downfall; I like to press the head against my vaginal opening before getting all hot and heavy, but doing so with this sex toy is just too much of a tease. Turning the rotation on helps a little, and the rotating head feels nice, but it’s not enough to get me really excited.

Although the Royal Wizard touts three speeds of rotation, I couldn’t feel a difference between the highest speed of rotation and the lowest, and my boyfriend couldn’t either. I’d say the speed is a happy medium between too slow and too fast.

Aesthetically, there are imperfections in the TPR, and the material dents easily and attracts bits of fuzz. The vibrator has a slight rubbery smell to it, and I’m also not very happy to see the words “Sold as a Novelty Only” on the back of the package. I thought Sue Johanson would be more concerned with taking responsibility for the materials in toys she endorses.

The Royal Wizard is a decent sex toy, and I will continue to use it, but not for the external stimulation I often crave. Others may appreciate it for its interesting shape and strong clit teaser, but it certainly isn’t the best rabbit vibrator out there.

UPDATE — 11 months later

I wanted a rabbit (preferably one not made of jelly), and this one popped out due to its odd design and funky colors. But it turns out, my eyes were bigger than my vagina. I had very little experience with penetration, so using the Royal Wizard was more painful than anything else. When I first used it, I think I cursed aloud, because I really couldn’t insert it far enough for the clit stimulator to get anywhere close to my clit. I debated about whether or not to include that information in my review, being somewhat embarrassed about it, but I knew that it was important. It was possible that bliss was just a couple inches away, awaiting me when I could handle it.

Well, now I can say with certainty that bliss is not nearby with this vibrator. The clit stimulator doesn’t line up with my clit, and worse, the feathery shape of it is not conducive to strong stimulation. Yet again, I have to push down on the clit stimulator to get it to do any work, and that is not cool. And, although my vagina can handle it now, the shaft of this toy does not have much to offer. It just doesn’t do much.

This is yet another mediocre rabbit that looks better than it feels. I originally said that I would continue to use this vibrator. In actuality, I barely used it at all, and will most likely never use it again.