Before we give the middle finger to 2018, please come along with me on a romp through the year in my life and sex toys! It was a year of low-key shenanigans: I pulled off a viscous yet glittery April Fools’ prank, attended a few sex parties, started keeping a journal again, took a cute romantic trip, read a lot of smutty fan fiction, watched a ton of CockyBoys, and went to amateur porn film festival HUMP! twice — once with my mom. (She loved it.) I said goodbye to my sweet 17-year-old kitty and healed my soul with some much-needed Melissa Etheridge. Most importantly, I started therapy — a milestone that feels like it will be relevant for years to come. . . . read more

The Je Joue Bullets are not lookers, not at all. There’s a sense of utilitarianism about these vibrators — the buttons are basic raised bits, each charging port is covered by a silicone flap. Nothing’s shiny or bedazzled. The color is Je Joue’s signature sad purple, the saddest and stalest of the purples. (Although they recently came to their senses and unveiled sky blue versions, so I can finally sleep at night.) There is very little that is outwardly impressive about these vibrators, but what makes them great cannot be seen by the naked eye. The price, yes, an attractive $59, but it’s more so the price in conjunction with the vibration quality. Because these are some rumbly mofos! You may’ve felt . . . read more

FUN FACTORY IS MAKING MENSTRUAL CUPS. YES, THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS. They’re called the Fun Cups. I have used them for many a period now and they have been a worthy addition to my bleedin’ life. [Edit: review here!] Jimmyjane’s latest vibrators are called Love Pods: Halo, Coral, and Om. Halo claims to have “revolutionary cyclonic vibrations.” Am I excited to eviscerate these toys? Absolutely. Do I care that that sounds petty as fuck? Nope. Hating on Jimmyjane is one of the simple pleasures of my life. For the first time in years, Je Joue has new stuff. Nothing flashy, just some basic rechargeable bullets, but you know, I’ll take basic over false claims of innovation… [loud exaggerated cough] Meanwhile, . . . read more

Since we last spoke, LELO has gone a bit insane with the new releases. They’ve now put out the Ina/Mona Wave, [edit: review here!] Siri 2 [edit: review here!], Pino, and PicoBong Transformer. Thoughts on the Mona Wave and Siri 2 are forthcoming. Thoughts on the Pino and Transformer: they’re stupid. Je Joue has two new toys, the Nuo butt plug and Dua dual vibe, controlled by remotes that look like pens. OK, I’m down. Laid, a Norwegian company perhaps best known for their silicone cock rings and stone dildos, is trying to make a smart pelvic floor exerciser called Loop. OhMiBod just announced that their Cuddle vibe and Share cock ring will be added to the blueMotion line, making them adjustable . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] It’s almost 2012, so you (maybe) know what that means — it’s time for me to list my top and bottom toys of 2011! Remember, like last year, this list includes toys that I acquired/reviewed in 2011, not necessarily toys that were released this year. Anyway, let’s get to it! Best sex toys of 2011 Vixen Creations Mustang — For the second year in a row, a toy made of VixSkin tops the list. Is it any wonder? VixSkin is so good, anything made out of it is amazing. Even smallish dildos like the Mustang. My vag was definitely surprised. We-Vibe Touch — Finally, a rechargeable clit vibe in a perfectly pointed, scooped . . . read more

Everyone’s coming out with a cute little rechargeable clitoral stimulator these days. Jimmyjane released the Form 2 and Form 3; LELO invented the Siri and Alia; and now Je Joue has submitted their contribution, the MiMi. None of these has been the perfect clitoral stimulator; they all have issues ranging from mildly irritating (not waterproof) to problematic (shape is weird) to rage-inducing (has a glitch that turns me into a mass murderer). MiMi (can we catch a break on the unnecessary capitalization, plz?) was, at first, on the mildly irritating end of the spectrum. But it slid into rage-inducing when it died on me. Long story short (I put the whole thing on my Tumblr): my first MiMi freaked the fuck . . . read more

Je Joue, makers of the failtastic SaSi, attempt to make vag balls! In my head, that is the slogan for the Je Joue Ami. Which is really quite unfair to the Ami, because this set of vag balls (kegel exercise balls, if you prefer) is not bad at all. Divorced from the terrible mistake that is the SaSi, the Ami balls are an admirable contribution to the vag ball market. I say “admirable,” though, and not “FREAKIN’ AWESOME,” for a reason. You will see. The Ami set is trying really hard, and I mean that in a loving way. It comes in a box within a box, and it’s sealed with plastic (props, Je Joue, I appreciate that). The storage box . . . read more

The SaSi is no longer in production. The closest approximation is the LELO Ora. There’s also the Womanizer. The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the block. It’s just like oral sex! It remembers what you like! Look at the rolly-ball go! It’s a technological wonder! And yes, the SaSi does look exciting. It features a mechanical ball about the size of a small gumball that moves around underneath a thin layer of 100% silicone. It has a “customize” mode in which the user can skip certain settings and press the “don’t stop” button on others. Over time, the toy remembers which settings were favored, . . . read more