• About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course ✨
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Features

All
  • Hell Yes / Um, No
  • Interviews
  • Jack-off Journal
  • Movie Night
  • Sex Toy News
Latest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Jimmyjane Form 2 vibrator, with two prongs for stimulation.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Jimmyjane Form 2

November 7, 2009
Tongs. Chopsticks. Tweezers. I did not know I wanted a sex toy modeled after them. But the Jimmyjane Form 2 is...
Keep Reading
Topco Dual Pussy and Ass Stroker. Two vaginas, two buttholes.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Dual Pussy & Ass Stroker

October 27, 2009
Acquaint yourself with Carmen Luvana’s pussy, Austyn Moore’s pussy, Carmen Luvana’s ass, and Austyn Moore’s ass. This is, I’m guessing,...
Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sneak peek at the new Tantus Curve

May 23, 2009
As a graduation present to myself, I ordered two dildos from Tantus’ grab bag section: the Twist and the Acute...
Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Cal Exotic inches toward integrity

February 21, 2009
I’m a freak. The moment I heard that California Exotic Novelties launched a new website, I flew on over there....
Keep Reading
April Flores and her pussy
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

More real than usual

December 3, 2008
Ignore the fact that there has not been a product like this until now, friggin’ 2008, because then we can...
Keep Reading
Jollies Mr. Man blowjob dildo, with a hole through the shaft for transferring suction to the wearer.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

A revolutionary cock

November 19, 2008
Sometimes I talk about the future of sex toys whimsically, hopefully, as though all toys will one day be made...
Keep Reading
9 to 5: Days in Porn documentary DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesMovie Night

Porn documentaries (the good news)

November 16, 2008
There is not an overabundance of good news about documentaries about porn, but there is this one really awesome thing:...
Keep Reading
The Price of Pleasure DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosDon't Trust the HeadlinesFeaturesMovie Night

Porn documentaries (the bad news)

October 29, 2008
The bad news is, they’re hard to come by. And when you do come by them, they are usually negative...
Keep Reading
LELO Bo / Tor II cock ring between a person's fingers.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

LELO’s Bo: cock ring of the future?

October 19, 2008
I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it’s rechargeable! Has any company...
Keep Reading
Roxy DeVille and Steven St. Croix
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Hot scenes: Roxy Deville + Steven St. Croix

October 15, 2008
Who needs lube when you have a video of Steven St. Croix fucking the unbelievably hot Roxy Deville? Not me!...
Keep Reading
Sarah Palin sex doll
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices

October 13, 2008
Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then...
Keep Reading
1 … 6 7 8

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

The pinnacle of relief

iVibe Massager phone app

Review: iVibe Massager phone app

Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric

The things we’ve built

Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

Graphic showing me and Sid from the video, plus a shot of me suctioning skin on my hand, and a photo of the clit pump itself.

Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

Blog sponsors

Your ad here footer

Tescort.com  ·  Wholesale Sex Toys  ·  Best Sex Dolls  ·  Best Sex Doll Torso at Idolsdoll.com  ·  sexy toy factory  ·  Wholesale Silicone Sex Toys & Custom Sex Dolls

Hey Epiphora logo
  • About
  • Contact
  • Advertise with me
  • Consulting
  • Sex Blogging Course
  • Accessibility & Privacy
  • Subscribe
© Hey Epiphora. Don't steal. Ask if you're not sure. [Accessibility & Privacy Policy.]
  • Latest posts 📝
    • Reviews
    • Guides
    • Banter
  • New here? 🧐
    • Get directions!
    • Browse greatest hits
    • Browse tags & categories
  • All-time fave toys ✨
  • Toybox 🍆
  • Sales + fave retailers 💸
    • Epiphora-approved sex toy shops
    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
    • Epiphora-approved porn
  • FAQ 🔎
  • About 🌈
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course
    • Blogroll
  • Contact 💌
    • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Random 🌀
Subscribe & support 💌
  • Subscribe
Start typing to see results or hit ESC to close
snark level: highvibrator reviewssquirting
See all results

Dildos in your inbox.

Join over 18,000 fellow dong worshippers

Unsubscribe whenever you wish.

Score!

You're all signed up to receive updates on my vaginal hijinks. 💌 Thanks, friend!

Dildos in your inbox.