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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Lube etc.

Latest
  • Latest
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  • Random
  • A to Z
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

March 16, 2022
The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist...
Keep Reading
Warm Touch automatic warming lube dispenser standing upright and continuously dispensing, next to a lamp that resembles anal beads, and my cat on the bed.
Hi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Warm Touch warming lube dispenser

February 4, 2020
The problem of the lube bottle is one that manufacturers have been grappling with for some time. Awkward flip-top caps...
Keep Reading
The simplehuman Sensor Pump on my nightstand, squirting lube onto my Pure Wand.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

June 10, 2016
Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions...
Keep Reading
Bottles of Sliquid lined up: Sliquid Sea, Organics Gel, and Sassy.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

My favorite lube? Sliquid anything

December 12, 2012
Here are my standards for lube: You would think this would not narrow the field down very much, but it...
Keep Reading
Sliquid Organics Stimulating O Gel
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Stimulating O Gel

September 20, 2010
You probably don’t know this, but I’m fucking in love with Sliquid. I love their H2O and Sassy lubes, which are...
Keep Reading
Greatest HitsLube etc.Pop ShotsSex Toy Reviews

Pop Shot: Beer Lube

January 31, 2010
It doesn’t taste like beer. At all....
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Hydra

October 15, 2009
If you have a stuffed-up nose and malfunctioning taste buds, Intimate Organics Hydra will seem completely perfect. It’s water-based, glycerin...
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Sex Tarts round-up

October 1, 2009
Flavored lubes notoriously suffer from too-sweet syndrome — and gross-aftertaste syndrome — which is why I am generally skeptical of...
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Love Liquid

June 24, 2009
Kama Sutra Love Liquid is water-based, but the untrained eye and vagina might think it silicone-based. It is insanely thin....
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Secret Garden cream

February 15, 2009
Allow me a little embarrassment; I’ve never reviewed an arousal cream before. So I don’t really know how to compare...
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Massage Oil (Excitation)

February 4, 2009
How hard is it to review a massage oil? It must be hard, as I have been procrastinating writing this...
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Before and After Toy Cleaner

November 8, 2008
I have been, until now, a slave to the sink. After each session — sometimes right after, sometimes an hour...
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: O’My lube

November 13, 2007
I have only owned one bottle of lube in my life (although I have tested quite a few at sex toy...
Keep Reading

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Wahl, Hitachi, Rock Box

Review: Rock Box

Pop Shot: Beer Lube

Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.

Friends who have sex with each other

Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.

Review: Stronic G

Graphic showing me and Sid from the video, plus a shot of me suctioning skin on my hand, and a photo of the clit pump itself.

Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

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